New Year, New Chances, Same old Goals...

Morning WI: 242.4

Well, I'm back. And I had a "holiday gain" like some many other people. Then I had a "resolution" like so many other people. But this time, I'm trying something a little different, in the hopes that it works. I'm having a CHALLENGE. Not just a personal goal, blah blah, that I can ignore and say "oh darn, I didn't do it". But a BET. With my brother - probably the person I love the most and am the most competitive with (it's a close call between him and my husband).

So, here's how it all went down. Over Christmas my cute but rotund brother stated that he and his wifey are going to start a serious diet on Jan. 5. I agreed I should join up and that maybe we should keep up with each other.

Then, this weekend I had a brilliant idea. Why not make it a game? Why not make it a challenge to see who can do the best on their weight loss goals? So - I bet my brother $100 that I can lose more weight (percentage wise) than he can in the next 4 months. If neither of us loses at least 10% of our body weight by then (May 4) the bets off, but if one or both of us does, the highest percentage gets $100. We weigh in and report weekly on Mondays.

My first weigh in was 244.8 lbs. (blah!) His was 300 flat. Unfortunately we live 3 states apart so we'll have to trust each other on the numbers, but he's got a wife there to keep him in check, and I have a husband so hopefully no cheating will ensue.

I don't konw if it will work. And I don't know how much I can lose in 4 months. I realistically shooting for 25 lbs, but I'd be thrilled with 30-40. We'll see. It has been fun teasing each other and threating to send a pizza to each other's houses. Today I posted a big picture of a Krystal chili-cheese pup on his facebook site to taunt him. I only do this because I know it will really motivate him more (we're both HIGHLY competitive.)

So that's where we are. I'm down a couple pounds since Monday but as we all know the first few days are easy. I'm still going to weigh in at Weight Watchers weekly on Thursdays to keep up with the new plan which I'm using to do this, and have some mid-week accountability. I hopefully with 2 weigh-in days a week I'll not go on crazy 3 day binges like I have in the past.

Here's hoping it works. Me and the other billion resolutioners...

No Socks!

233.2 (weekend weight - as usual)

I actually had really nice weekend. Friday night we had the boys sleepover. It was fine, but I know I don't want to have twins! Daniels two friends were 5 year old boy twins, and although very sweet considering, they were a handful! Erik and I just shook our head so many times this weekend. Its such a change for us to have more than one in the house. When it's just Daniel, he's usually hanging out with us or playing x-box with his dad or watching a cartoon on TV. When it's the 3 of them it's LOUD crazy screaming children. I'm sure this is normal in houses with more than one child, but we've been spoiled. They are good kids though, so although it was different, it wasn't all that bad.

It also helped that I dipped out Friday night and played poker with friends, leaving Erik to put the 3 of them to bed.

Saturday we went to a parade just down the street from our house for our local "founder's day" celebration. It was nice and the kids got lots of candy. Saturday afternoon and evening was dedicated to football. Boy did it suck! FSU played HORRIBLY against Wake Forest. I was so disappointed. This was the first televised game they've had and it was miserable. Our two new quarterbacks threw a combined 5 interceptions! FIVE. So bad. So that sucked.

Sunday was church, nap, TV, etc. It was Erik's birthday but since he had to leave town today he was running around a lot and we only celebrated a bit at the end of the night.

Today Erik leaves for Vegas for a week long seminar. I fly out on Thursday to meet him and come home on Monday. I'm SO looking forward to this. I love Vegas and we go out usually once a year, usually in June. We haven't made it out this year due to the wedding, but I'm glad we still get to go. We're staying at Bally's which is right across the street from Bellagio - my favorite hotel just because of the fountains out front. I'm very excited.

So today I had GREAT plans to hit the gym after work. I packed my bag and everything. Then I got here and was getting the bag out of the car and realized I forgot my socks. GRRRR. Now I can do weight training maybe without socks, but I definitely should not hit the treadmill without socks. That's the fastest way to a blister that would keep me off it for a week or more. So I'm mad at myself because I know I'm not motivated enough to work out at home, so I need this "at work" trip to keep me going.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I'll hit it then for sure.

Oh and by the way? Thank you notes suck. I've been dreading and procrastinating for weeks now, and it's getting bad. I need to get them out this week or it just looks really bad. I've only got about 35 or 40 to do - way less than the invitations I had to do - but I'm just dragging my feet for some reason. I will knock out at least half of them today. I swear!

Life as a "step-mom"

So, getting married 2 weeks ago made me more than a wife. I'm also now a Step Mom to Erik's 5 year old son. He was married before and had a child with her. Now she lives in the next town over, and they share custody. He gets Daniel every other weekend and every Wednesday. It's been this way since I met him so its nothing new. But the "title" is new. I was always just "Cindy". Now I'm Stepmom Cindy. Odd.

About 2 months ago I had a conversation with Daniel about it and said something to the effect of, you know when we get married, I'm going to be your "stepmom" but you can still call me Cindy. He said, no I'll call you "mom". I think it was just a spontaneous thing he said, but wasn't what I was going for. His mom is very cool in many respects and has never made me feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in his life. That said, he is her world, and I do NOT feel like she would welcome him calling me mom. I don't need that and don't have any desire to cause strife in his or her life. So we'll see - so far, he hasn't called me anything but Cindy but we'll see.

He's too cute, by the way, here's a couple pictures from our wedding:

In the first one he has one of the chair sashes on his head, in the second one he had to take off his shirt because someone spilled beer on it, so he put the vest back on anyway. So funny.

Anyway, tonight we are having our first "sleepover". Erik is picking up Daniel and two of his friends to spend the night. I think it's going to be fun, but it's a first for us, so I think its sweet. Tomorrow our town is having a parade for "founders day" so we're going to take the boys there. I'm sure by the time that's over, I'll be done being a step mom and be glad to ship the extra two 5 year olds off. :-)

It's weird being a mom even if it's only a "step" mom.

60 days. (5 days till crunch time!)

WEDNESDAY

So, I'm actually really excited about Monday. Odd, because this is a holiday weekend. I'm flying out tomorrow evening with Erik to see my family, my dad's new home, my brother & his kids and wife, and of course my mom. But I'm looking forward to Monday - the day after we get back. Why?

Because I start back at Boot camp.

And I REALLY start my countdown to the wedding.

Why can't I start now, you ask? Did you read the paragraph above about family gathering this weekend? It will be tremendous fun, but I have absolutely ZERO will power around my family. We eat. That's what we do. There's always food, and it's always good.

The one saving grace I should have is that my dad just moved to a place right on the Lake of the Ozarks, and has a boat we can waterski behind. I was a killer waterskiier when I was a kid (with some scars to prove it). I skiied about 5 years ago here in GA and maybe once since, but haven't really gotten to do it much as an adult. I know I'm going to suck. But I'm confident I will be able to get UP. More than my brother can do, apparently. :-) I determined to show him up.

So that'll be some exercise. Hopefully more swimming will be done as well so I can burn some of the bajillion calories I will be consuming this weekend.

Then Monday?

DUM DUM DUM

It's official wedding crunch time! I'm back to boot camp at 5:00 am every morning. Back to writing down EVERYTHING I eat. Back to eating Body for Life-style. And, with the exciting exception of our bachelor/bachelorette weekend in Savannah - I'm back to NO ALCOHOL. Zip. Zero. I mean, I can go 8 weeks without it, right? Especially since I'll get a no-regrets exception in Savannah. I can DO this.

I got my dress last Friday. I was actually a little disappointed. I still LOVE the dress. But since I've stopped the boot camp, I've not been feeling so hot about myself, and the pounds are creeping back on. The dress fit - no worries there - but I wanted it to be loose. I wanted it to be falling off. And although it fit, it kind of pushed up my chest in a way that didn't exactly make my boobies look big - which is what you'd assume and wouldn't be so bad - but made my upper chest/sholder area look poofy. Odd to describe, I know, but it's something that weightloss and strength training will help. I just need to get back on it.

So, I've given myself the next 5 days. Not to go crazy, but to enjoy my last bit of "freedom" food wise. After that, I've got to be committed. I can still conceivably be under 200 for my wedding - a goal I've always had. Of course I'd love to be 'at goal' but that's not going to happen now. I'll be satisfied with under 200. That's about where I was when I met Erik. It'd be appropriate. I can DO it. Right?

Other than the weight issue, wedding planning has been surprisingly easy. I know I know, I just jinxed myself, but sheesh - should I be stressing about details by now? I keep checking my little "checklists" available all over the web, and I'm right on track. Everything that should be booked/planned is done. Just waiting for final numbers from my guests to shore up the details. I have appointments with the vendors I need to make final decisions for. I'm good to go. So WHY can't I focus on the one thing that scares me the most about this wedding? Why can't I put more energy into the weightloss project I care so much about?

I will. Starting Monday. Yes, that sound like a HORRIBLE, typical fat-girl statement ("I'll start tomorrow, again"). But that's the plan. Meanwhile - the goal is damage control.

Long Glutenous Weekend & I HATE UNITED

217.6 (good considering...)

TUESDAY

I had a great weekend. For the most part. Once we got there. Ok, so traveling sucked. I HATE United now, and will never, by choice, fly them again. We flew out on Friday afternoon. Even though we live in Atlanta, the hub of Delta, where we can always get direct flights, we choose to fly United and do a layover in Chicago. Mostly because we waited too long and the United flight was significantly cheaper than the Delta direct. When you're flying 3 people, you need to find the cheapest flights you can.

So, we're already spoiled in that we never usually have to deal with a layover. But this time we did. Ok, no big deal, right? Our flight to Chicago left almost on time. Then we had a 2 1/2 hour layover, which wouldn't be so bad if you weren't traveling with a 5 year old. So we had dinner, and tried to entertain him as best we could. Then we took our short flight to Lansing, MI - about 30 mins away from Erik's parents house. This was a small flight in a small plane. Probably only about 50 people on the entire plane and it wasn't full. Of course, when we landed in Lansing, about 8:00, we only got one of the bags. And not the one with our clothes, just the little one that we put our toilettries in. The worst part about it - besides the fact that we had a 2 1/2 HOUR LAYOVER so there was no excuse - was that about 15% of the passengers on the plane didn't get their luggage. So it wasn't a mere oversight - it was a pervasive problem. According to the United rep in lansing, this is typical out of Chicago. Typical? To lose 15% of the bags?

So, we went home to promises that it would be on the next flight (11:30 pm) and be delivered to our house within 4 hours. Which sucks because we'd be waiting by the phone for the courier to call up to 4:00 am, but at least we'd have our bags. Oh no - we don't get a call, or a delivery. By 8:00 am, Erik's pissed and calls the airline's 800 number. Which of course is directed to INDIA. And that person says our bags are still in Lansing, but will be delivered by 12:30. Unhappy, but at least having obtained a promise as to a delivery time, Erik hangs up. 12:30 comes and goes - no bags, no call. Lie #1. Erik calls back and this time is told, "we've already delivered" them. Excuse me? We have been here the whole time, never got the promised call, never got the promised bags. Lie #2. Finally, after about 4 more phone calls to India and a very rude courier, our luggage arrives about 1:30. For our trouble? We are offered a $25 gift certificate to ride United. Um...don't bother.

So time in MI is wonderful - see family, sleep, read, and eat eat eat. We're set to fly out yesterday. Our flight out of Lansing goes fine - to Chicago, where we're supposed to have a 1 hour layover. We get off the flight and see that we're delayed but 1 1/2 hours. Grrrr. And they can't even tell us what gate we'll be at. So we can't take our stuff, and 5 year old and plop down somewhere because we don't know where we need to be. So we go to their "customer service counter," which consists of a large counter with 6-10 phones and computer screens - completely UNMANNED. Not a single united agent in site at the "custemer service desk". So we get on the phone and are told that our plane is coming from Singapore and was late taking off. When Erik gets irritated, the lady on the phone (probably in India) tells him he can go to any united agent and get issued a meal voucher for our trouble. He asks for a confirmation number or something to ensure we get such a voucher, and she says we don't need one, just ask any agent. So we do. And 2 different agents tell us, hell no - they can't issue vouchers for a 1 1/2 hour delay on a flight that doesn't even serve food. Ok. That's lie number 3.

We're done at this point. There's no convincing us that United gives a SHIT about customer service. Their M.O. appears to be "get you off the phone as soon as possible" and "pawn you off on someone else" and "hope you get tired of asking for what you're promised." Done. Ridiculous.

So we didn't end up getting home till almost midnight last night. Very frustrating. Thank goodness the visit with family was good, but we will never fly United, and hopefully will never deal with a layover again.

This morning was back to boot camp. I was really looking forward to it, in fact, since I had such a horrible weekend food-wise. And this morning ROCKED. We ran about 4-5 miles. About 50 mintues straight. I only walked for maybe 3 minutes total, near the end. I felt so good, and I definitely needed it after this weekend. This is the last week of the original boot camp month and we have our graduation party on Friday night. Then I start fresh with a new month on Monday. I'm glad I committed. It's actually getting easier to get up at 5:00 am now that I've done it for a month - of couse it helps when I can go back to bed for a 90 minute power nap before heading into work, like this morning.

Michigan here I come & Wii Fit

217.8 (whatever)

FRIDAY

Well it's been a good week other than the food thing. I've really lost my focus there. But I do have some good news, regardless. I've had at least 5 people, over the last 48 hours, tell me that I really look great, that they can see the difference. Which is wonderful. I think there's two things that have caused this. 1) I've been doing really good with this boot camp - and it's showing, particularly in my muscle tone. Although I haven't dropped massive amounts of weight, I know I've gotten a lot stronger, so that may be what people are noticing. 2) I've been tanning. I've noticed that even if you're not losing weight/toning up, a tan makes you look thinner. I don't know why, maybe it's that "healthy glow" it gives you, like you've been out in the sun recently, but it works. I've been doing the fake tanning, but the result is the same.

Either way, I like it. I'm going out of town this weekend, but once I get back, I'm going to be right at 3 months until the wedding. I hope to be able to do even better over the next few months and really tone up. That said - the work I've done so far, already has made a difference, and if for some reason I don't make any more progress, I know I'll fit into my wedding dress and look good - if not as good as I could, I'll still look good.

I'm not giving up - I'm still motivated to make a big difference, but I'm also staying positive so I don't beat myself up too much if I don't reach my goals.

Anyway, Erik & I leave today with Daniel to go to Michigan for a short vacation. We fly out at about 2:00 and get back on Monday afternoon. We usually go up there once a year for a week or so, but this time, with the wedding coming up and all, we could only work out a long weekend. So, off we go.

I'm going to try to keep things in check this weekend. I always eat really crazy in Michigan because his dad is a really good cook and they make massive meals once or twice a day. I'm going to try to reduce my portions, and get in a good run both Sat. & Sun. That's the plan - hopefully I can execute. The good news is I always get a lot of sleep in Michigan. Which is wonderful and something I've been a little short on recently.

In other news, Erik & I got our Wii Fit on Wednesday. It is SOOOOO cool. I absolutely love it. Even if it does make my character look really tubby after my weigh in (motivation I guess). The exercises and games are really fun and some of them are really challenging. I definitely think that Wii Fit will be a nice compliment to the work I'm already doing. I fun way to burn a few more calories in the day. We got it Wednesday night and Erik & I stayed up until 11:30 playing it, knowing we were both getting up at 5:00 am the next morning for boot camp (it was bring a friend day). But we're competitive, and we found that each of us have particular strengths. I'm good at the dancing/balance games, he's good at the technique/sport games. I'll probably post more about this after we get back from Michigan and as I figure it out more, but so far all signs point to LOVING the Wii Fit!

I think that's about it. I leave for the airport in about an hour, so need to get some work wrapped up.

Bad Trainer

215.4.

WEDNESDAY

HUMP day. Boy, I never was one of those people who really counted down the days to the weekend until now. I want to sleep in! :-) Oh well - two more days.

My mom left to go back home to Tennessee today. I'm very sad to see her go, but understand she misses her home, cats and the rest of the family who live out there. She did promise to come back, though, despite the fact that she worked so hard while here - 90% was her own motivation, not demands from me. I'm sad to see her go, but glad she got to spend about a week here.

So last night I took her to Outback for dinner. I wanted to treat her before she left, and knew I could be "ok" there diet wise. I was good and ordered the 9 oz lean sirloin and a salad. I was bad and also ordered mashed potatoes, and ate them all, along with the steak, and salad, and a few small slices of bread.

So - I logged it all in my boot camp journal, expecting to be "encouraged" again this morning. But nope. I got the "bad" trainer. See the way this boot camp works is that our class is divided into "companies". I'm in Charlie company (I bet you can guess the other two...yes, Alpha & Bravo). Anyway, we also have 3 trainers, Allen David & Kevin. Each week a different trainer is assigned to a different company. Last week I had David. This week I have Kevin. Now, Kevin is clearly new, I even asked him the first day how long he'd been doing this and he candidly said "a couple months". I suspect this is his first month as an actual trainer. Anyway, he sucks. And not just because he's new. He's just not cut out to be a trainer. One of the cool things about the other two is they keep you motivated. They keep you working. If they're around, they're calling out your name, saying "Come on Cindy - one more sprint" or "Come on Cindy, get a little lower in your lunges". etc. Kevin? The best he can come up with is "Great job everyone" or "keep moving, you're doing great". And most of the time he doesn't say anything. He's just not the right personality type to be a trainer in this environment. So it's a little disappointing when I'm in his group.

That said, I guess it worked out to my advantage today because he apparently didn't see anything wrong with my food entry of "sirloin steak, salad, mashed potatoes". Now, first of all, I did legitimately forget to write down the bread. I honestly thought I'd get "encouragement" anyway for the mashed potatoes, so I certainly didn't intentionally leave it out. But the thing is - any of the other trainers would have questioned that entry. It's not that we don't get to eat potatoes, we're just supposed to limit them, and minimize the toppings/additives/etc. If asked, I would have told him it was from Outback which would definitely have been a no-no. I should have ordered broccoli or green beans or something. But nah - he felt I was all good.

Oh well. I probably should have gone to encouragement anyway - they do let you voluntarily go if you like - but it was easier, of course, to just get on the car and go home. I needed it though - I had over 2200 calories yesterday, when the rest of this last week I've hovered around 1500 which is much better. So I should have burned the extra calories, and I'm sure that's why the scale crept up a bit today.

So, I have tentative plans to hit the treadmill tonight. In part to atone for missing encouragement, and in part because we didn't get much cardio in today. We did an ab circuit training thing which I will definitely feel tomorrow, but I'm certain I burned less calories than normal. So I'd like to kick it up a notch and try to run. Additionally, with the boot camp I haven't been on the treadmill in over a week. I want to keep running and eventually do a half marathon, so I need to keep at it. Wish me luck - finding motivation at 8:00 pm is hard.

I love my Mom!

215.0 (not bad)

TUESDAY

Well today will be short because I actually have work to do. I was in court this morning and have to be back at 1:30. Anyway, all is going well. Today's boot camp was good. We did running sprints up hills. Total killer but felt great. More ab work and lunges have made my butt sore - which is funny to me. No encouragement today - I was good yesterday!

Well, my mom's been in town since last Thursday and has been a big help getting things done at the house. Yesterday she planted a whole lot of flowers in my back yard, and also hung most of our big pictures as well as added some fake flowers and other misc. decorating things. This is stuff I would never have done. Not because I don't like it, but because I'm just not good at figuring out this stuff. So I'm so pleased. My house looks so much "homier".

Only bad thing is that it's gotten a bit cool this week in good ol' Georgia. Not too bad during the day (mid-70's) but damn getting up at 5:00 am and going outside when it's below 50 sucks. Yes. I'm a wimp to all you northerners. But I live in the south. And it's supposed to be warm in May! Hopefully it'll heat up soon.

Anyway - gotta run to court. Hope to see the scale in the 214's again tomorrow...

Who knew family would be such a bad influence...

220.2 - yes, that's right. I'm VERY high today...

MONDAY

Wow, what a weekend. I've been out of town for 4 days and the scale is showing it. Bad scale. Ok, bad Cindy. Thursday I left for sunny Panama City Beach to meet up with my dad, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's 20 y/o son, my brother and my brother's wife for Thunder Beach - Panama City's version of bike week. It's basically where thousands of motorcycles convene to ride together, drink together, celebrate the coolness of bikes. My dad and brother have several bikes and brought down 4 of them in a trailer for us to ride. My dad didn't ride much, but my brother & I did a lot of riding on Friday and Saturday. It was really fun. I got my license about 10 years ago, and don't get to ride much. I've always wanted to buy a harley, but have never been able to justify the cost.

So Thursday night I left out of here about 2:00 and got to PCB around 7:00. I met up with my the family for a bit then went out for my first ride with Joey. I generally have a rule that I will not drink anything if I'm riding a motorcycle. It's just too dangerous. So, I easily passed on the alcohol at the first bar. Then we went to a german bar that had it's own beer and I gave in and tasted all 4 of their home brews. I probably swallowed a total of 1/2 a beer, so I wasn't worried about riding. I did kill the great 18 day no-drinking streak, though. Oh well - I never said I'd stay sober forever.

Friday and Saturday we did a bunch of riding and of course eating. The problem I have with my family is that food is always a focus. My father and brother are both significantly overweight. I was raised in a family where eating was a hobby. So, we did a lot of eating. And of course I didn't bring my laptop, so I wasn't entering anything in spark people. I have no idea the damage, but as you can see on the scale, it was large.

Also, contributing to the scale is the alcohol. After I killed my streak on Thursday night Friday and Saturday night we went out and played some pool and drank some beer. By some, I mean more than 5 beers each night. Ahh. Off the wagon...

Sunday morning I left out early because I had dinner plans back home. I have a friend who was just diagnosed with cancer and starts his chemo therapy today. He wanted to go out last night and have some fun before the stress and physical issues associated with chemo start.

So unfortunatly I had the horrible mentality that causes so many dieters to fail. I knew I'd killed my drinking streak. I knew I'd eaten badly for 4 days straight, so I figured - hell - why not finish it off with a bang and start being good "tomorrow". So, we ate and drank. and drank. and drank. It was really fun, though. Jimbo, my friend with cancer, wanted to play poker, so after dinner we went to a new bar that just started hosting poker games. It was great because Jimbo won the tournament of about 35 players. I also got 4th, so we got to play for a long time. It was really nice so see him have a good time and not think about all the bad stuff going on in his life right now.

So, here we are Monday morning. I've drank alcohol the last 4 nights. I have not exercised. I ate horribly. And I wrote nothing down. Thus, the scale is in the very scary 220's again. Granted. I know I can't gain 6 lbs in 4 days, so I know it will go back down to some extent tomorrow if I'm good today and hydrate. But it's sad how quickly all the hard work disappears.

These things happen though. There are going to be stumbling blocks. I'm also going to recover. I didn't get a work out in this morning, as I was obviously tired from being out way too late. And I don't know if I'll get one in tonight. But I do know that I will be journaling everything that I put in my mouth. I will be chugging water, starting when I hit post here. And I will not be consuming any alcohol tonight at y-knots, where we plan to meet up with Jimbo again and see how the first day went. It's a step up, back on the wagon. I can continue to make this work. I know I won't see a loss this week, but hopefully I'll get the scale back down around 214 by next Thursday. I have not more travel plans for a bit, so I shouldn't be too tempted.

Here's to starting again, and taking it one day at a time...again.

New Job, New Committment - is it December already?

Last WI (today) 222.2 (UGH)/At Home WI: 220.8

THURSAY

Ok, so I took a month off. Grrr. Lot's has happened in the last month. I started a new job, my best friend got married, I visited family, I got super sick (still getting over it). Now I'm up to 222 on the WW scale and have a LOT of work to do. BUT there's no time to start like the present, so here I go.

I did have one other great thing happen over the last month. I got a treadmill! My dad, who's something of an odd entrepreneur, went to an auction for a fitness center and randomly bought all the equipment. So when we went to see him for Thanksgiving, Erik and I borrowed a truck (from his ex-wife - weird) and picked me up a treadmill. NO MORE EXCUSES! So, we got it home and I used it three times, then got horribly sick. Like hacking up a lung sick. So now, I'm still coughin a little, but have vowed that tonight I will get back on that treadmill.

Today I also had WI. Since I started this job, I decided I wouldn't be able to make my old meeting anymore, I just don't get out of work in time. But - the good news is that my new firm has a WW at work program. And, if you lose 10 lbs in a session, they pay for half. Cool huh? The WI's are every Thursday right in the building at lunch. So I joined. Then came thanksgiving, and my illness, so it's been 3 weeks since my last WI. I only gained 1.2 but I hadn't exactly made great progress in the 1 week since I started here. So, bottom line is that I'm up .6 from when I started. But I can't look at it that way. I have to commit to this week. I really haven't done anything WW-ish in over a month so I can't complain. So today I logged onto WW.com and logged my food. I went shopping yesterday and stocked up on good choices. I made a plan to run on the treadmill tonight and to have a great week to kick things off. If I truly tracked and exercised for a whole week, I'd probably lose 3+ pounds. I haven't done that perfectly in years. I don't know why. I know it works, but I just can't commit.

But there are no food or drink oriented plans this weekend. I am totally free to be PERFECT. The good news is with the new job I haven't been going out during the week as much. The bad news is that I'm sitting at a desk for 10+ hours and totally get the munchies. I'm working toward solving that, though and today brought a number of low point snacks to have in my drawer if the urge arises.

SO - heres the stats so far:

Breakfast - chik-fil-a breakfast burrito (9pts)
Lunch - Ceasar salad, lean cuisine entree, broccoli, roasted potatos (10 pts).
Snack - hostess 100 calorie cakes (1 pt - yes, 1 pt b/c they have 5 grams of fiber)

That leaves me with 9 pts left for the day.

Oh and I have a new theory on exercise. I've been very bad in the past about eating my APs before I earn them. Like on a day like today when I plan to run tonight, I'd say - oh I'll earn at least 4 APs so I'll eat them now. Then I wouldn't do the work out and end up in the negative anyway. So now, I'm only allowed to eat the APs from the day before if at all. That way if I work out at night I won't feel like I'm being jipped if I don't want to eat them that night (often I work out at 8:00 or later) and I won't be cheating and eating them early and then not even earning them. So - day after APs plan in ON. If I earn 4 APs tonight - all the better for tomorrow!

Time to execute!

Family Meals and Off Plan

Last WI: 214.6/Last at Home WI: 214.8

TUESDAY

Ok, so I know when I'm not bloggin, I'm usually not on plan. I knew the 211.8 was too good to be true.

This week has been tough. Erik's parents have been in town since last Wednesday and boy do they cook. And I feel very rude not eating what they cook. For example - they are leaving today and had bought some sausage for breakfasts that they hadn't cooked, so Erik's dad decided to get up this morning and cook me breakfast. Very sweet notion, but I usually have a balance bar for breakfast - my 4 point moderation. But instead, this morning, I felt obligated to have sausage and toast - much more than 4 points I'm certain. Grrr.

But - they left today so at lesat my food challenges should reduce. I've just not been on top of it at all. My only saving grace has been exercise. I ran 6 miles on Saturday and did 90 minutes of cardio on the elliptical and bike on Sunday. Yesterday I took my "rest" day and today I plan to do at leat 4 miles on the treadmill, hopefully 6, but a minimum of 60 minutes cardio either way. I've got to get this under control or these next few months are going to fly by with no progress.

I only have 67 days until Holly's wedding. I had really hoped to be in Onderland by then. I still can, but I have got to kick it up. After this Thursday - which I'm still hoping for some kind of loss - I have 9 more WI's before the wedding. I've got 14.6 lbs to lose. I can do it. I just have to rededicate myself!

Today I'm leaving work about 1:00 for a dentist appointment. Then I'm headed to the gym for my work-out then I'm volunteering at the local fair. I've already had a big breakfast as noted above, and am supposed to be going to lunch for a collegue's birthday shortly - Need to make good decisions!

Here's to a good day!

Weekend in Tennessee

Last WI: 215.4/At Home WI: 216.4

MONDAY

Well I survived the weekend. Of course I didn't get all the exercise in that I wanted, but I did get some. I flew on Friday morning. I landed about 10:00 am and was picked up by my sister-in-law. We went and saw my brother before going to my mom's house where I was staying. I ended up not running Friday - I guess I just got lazy and was tired from the flight. I watched my neice play in the high school marching band on Friday night and went to bed relatively early.

Saturday I woke up and went running right away. I had planned on trying to do as many miles as I could on the local high school track - which is very close to my mother's house - but the school track team was practicing and I didn't want to disturb them, so I ran around my mom's neighborhood. I did 20 minutes before I had to walk. I ended up running about 2 miles and walking about 1.5. Not the 5 I had hoped for, but it was extremely muggy and hot out and frankly I haven't run outside in a long while, so I'll take it.

Saturday night we had a birthday party for my brother. Mom made her famous manicotti and french bread. I only had one serving, but still probably too much. The good news is I did munch a lot on the fresh veggies I had cut up.

Saturday night after the party I was still feeling wide awake so I headed to the riverboat casino in Missouri - just about 20 minutes away. I ended up winning $400 at craps and another $40 or so at poker before I headed home a little after 3:00 am.

Sunday I slept in, of course, and totally didn't go running when I did get up. Slacker! I spent the day saying goodbyes to my dad, brother, mother, sister-in-law and neices and nephews. My brother drove me the 2 hour trip to the airport around 5:00 pm. I got home a little after 11:00 pm and crashed out pretty quickly.

All in all the weekend was wonderful, family-wise, but not great food wise. I didn't crazy indulge but I didn't track, and I only ran once. That's about normal for my family weekends though.

Today I'm playing catch up at work. I've got my interview on Friday so it's another short week. Work is completely crazy with trials just 5 weeks away. I'm starting to stress. But that's normal too.

Today I've been ok with food. I had a balance bar for breakfast, popcorn and a nectarine for snack, and subway for lunch. I've got 10 points left for dinner, and I'm not going to get to go to the gym today (as usual for Mondays). I have to hit the grocery store right after work, and get home before 6:30 for our Monday poker night that we're hosting. Now - I just need to make good choices for dinner/poker.

This week I'm worried about WI because of the weekend, and my attitude. I'm totally grumpy because of stress at work, and that is always a recipe for disaster. When I feel grumpy or tired, I don't care about making good choices, and usually fall off the wagon. I'm going to need to find a way to improve my mood so I can keep my good trend going.

Here's to keeping up a good thing...

Beautiful Scale

Last WI: 216.8/At Home WI: 215.0 (YEAH!)

THURSDAY

Ok so Mr. Scale. I'm sorry I doubted you. I forgive you today. At least I will if WI goes as hoped. Yesterday was another very good day. I had subway for lunch, some snacks, and left over's for dinner - eating exactly 1 point over my target. I hit the gym after work and did 3 miles on the treadmill in 30:16 very good for me. I used to be able to consistently do 10 minute miles, but having taken so much time off I've been working back up to it. Yesterday's run averaged 10:05 minute miles - not bad. Running so much is obviously doing my body well. After the run, I walked for about 8 minutes cool-down then hit the elliptical for another 30 minutes. All in all I burnt over 1000 calories and counted 10 APs. So we're up to 36 APs for the month and over 40 for the WI week.

I'm at work now. I had chick-fil-a for breakfast and am now "fasting" till WI. I chugged about 50 oz of water this morning to be sure I'm hydrated, now I just hope that WI goes well. Then we'll see how tonight goes. I have a very bad habit if over-indulging the night of WI. It's my night to drink as Erik is driver, so I take that as an excuse to make very poor choices. Now I'm not willing to give up my "night" but I need to reduce the amount of alcohol and amount of bad food choices. I think that really will help my weekly results. That said, there's something to be said for a weekly "break" to keep my sanity throughout this weightloss journey. I don't know I'm going to have to think on it. I don't want to deprive myself such that I fall off the wagon, but I also want to see the best results I can.

This weekend is going to be a challenge. I fly out tomorrow morning to Tennessee to see my family. I'll be staying until Sunday evening with my mom. My dad and brother and his family (wife and 4 kids) also live in the same town, so I'll be seeing them all. It's my brother's birthday on Sunday and I think we're having a party on Saturday for it. All in all there will be an abundance of opportunities to make very bad choices. My father and brother are significantly over-weight. My mom is about average for her age, maybe a few pounds overweight, but my food life has always revolved around my dad and his habits. My mom cooked him what he wanted my entire life, and even though they have now split up (but are still friends) we all kind of get together to eat. A LOT.

So this weekend is going to be a challenge. I am going to try to counter-act it with smaller portions and "relatively" good choices. And RUNNING. I'm bringing my running gear and am going to run at my mom's. She lives in a great neighborhood that is actually close to a high school so I have some choices of neighborhood running or track running. Either way it'll be outside - something I haven't done lately and will be very good for me if I can commit to doing it. I PLAN to run at least 2 days, hopefully all 3. My schedule shows 3 miles on Friday, 5 on Saturday and 3 more on Sunday. Maybe if I go slow I can get it in. Not sure, but I'm going to try.

Anyway - here's hoping for a good WI tonight. I should get under 215.6 which would get me over 10 lbs lost - a good milestone. Anything more than that is gravy and I'll take it gladly.

Relationship Issues

Last WI: 220.2/At Home WI: 218.8

TUESDAY

Yesterday was a very good day. I left work early and hit the gym. Unfortunately that didn't go as planned. I went to Target last week and bought some new running gear including a few new sports bras and a new runners top that is a fitted, racer top (don't know how else to describe it). I decided to try the new top yesterday. Usually I just run with a sports bra and t-shirt. Well, it was snug but not overly tight heading to the gym and all was going well until I started running. Walking was fine, but running made the darn thing ride up horribly. Now, I'm one of those people who are very curvy and when I lose weight I lose it everywhere. Similarly when I gain weight I gain it everywhere so my hips and busts are always bigger than my waist. Anyway, bottom line, my hips were too big and the shirt rode up to just below my boobs - not a pretty sight. I found myself running while holding my shirt down. Didn't work. So I walked, which didn't seem to disturb the situation quite so bad. I ended up walking about 1.5 miles, burning just over 200 calories and earning just 2 APs. I had planned and hoped for more, but it was something.

Technically Monday is supposed to be a rest day but since I didn't work out as planned on Friday or Sunday I was trying to do make up work. Oh well. Today is another day and it's back to the T-shirt - at least until the shirt is not quite so snug.

After the work out I made a very healthy dinner of chicken, whole wheat pasta and tomato's with basil and garlic. I don't cook often, but this was a great old standby from my original WW days. I also made some cooked broccoli for veggies. All in all dinner was only 9 points which left me with 6 points for the day not counting my 2 APs. I packed up and headed to the poker game.

And.....

ATE NOTHING. Oh yes. I decided before I got there that I would bring some diet coke and diet mountain dew to drink hoping to be able to avoid the beer but if there was snacks - like chips and salsa - I'd spend a few of my remaining points on them. Well, all they had was pizza from a local joint. Now, I've had this pizza before and it's ok, but not phenomenal and I've guesstimated the points at 5 per slice. I had 6 left for the day and just didn't feel like one slice would satisfy me and I'd end up eating too much. So I said no to that to, promising myself that if I wanted something when I got home, I could use my points there.

Poker lasted till midnight, I got home, chugged some water, and decided that a day under points would do me good! So I went to bed with 6 points and 2 APs to spare. Woo Hoo! This totally doesn't seem like such a big deal as I write it but for me it's a HUGE victory. I've had such a hard time staying in points that actually staying under is nearly inconceivable.

Today I've had my balance bar for breakfast (4pts) and am planning another low point day with 6-10 APs earned at the gym. I'm still sort of making up for the weekend and realistically need to see 217.6 or lower on my home scale Thursday morning to have any hope for a 2+ lb loss this week. I've got two days. And Erik's out of town so no distractions. Tonight's plan is to go to the gym, and have a healthy dinner - no going out!

So - all that WW stuff out of the way, I want to talk about some personal issues. Erik and I. I've been dating Erik for 2 years and 2 months now. When we started dating he had been separated from his now-ex-wife for about 7 months, though the divorce wasn't final until 6 months into our relationship (custody issues). He's also been married once before that, so he's been divorced twice. And has a 4 year old son. Not someone I would have initially thought I would ever date. But I met him through friends and didn't learn all the back story right away. And, it turns out, you can't always pick who you fall in love with.

Anyway, early on in our relationship I made it clear to him what I wanted eventually - a husband and children. Now Erik is definitely not one to talk about his feelings much or open up often, but on this issue I made things perfectly clear and made him be perfectly clear with me that he wanted those things too. I didn't want to get 2 years in and learn that he didn't want to get married again, or that he didn't want anymore kids. He assured me, repeatedly, that it wouldn't be an issues. He wanted the same things - but wanted to take things slowly. Well, I had no problem with that as I was not at all ready to have kids yet, so I could hold out on the getting married thing for a bit. So here we are 2+ years later and we're still not engaged. Now - my theory on couples is that no one should get in engaged in less than 1 year. Just my opinion, but I think you need to go through a year to really learn about a person. That said, I've always felt that if a relationship goes into 3 or more years with out an engagement, there's a problem.

Well, the good news is I know what our problem is - or at least I hope so. When I met Erik, as I said, he was going through a divorce. Unfortunately in that divorce there was a lot of debt that they, in all fairness, divided equally. But they had started a business together that failed, and in starting it had taken out additional mortgages and loans. So, coming out of the marriage Erik had a lot of debt. In early 2006, Erik's "friend" (I put it in quotes because I don't think he's a friend of Erik) Charlie, talked him into "investing" in a subdivision Charlie was building. Basically he got Erik to buy a lot of land relatively cheap and agree to build a new house, with the plans to sell it. Charlie convinced Erik that he could build this monstrous house for under 400K and then sell it for 500K plus. Now, Erik and I had been dating less than a year now and weren't even living together and I didn't have enough influence to persuade him that this "get rich quick scheme" was likely not all it was cracked up to be. Erik felt it was his opportunity to make enough to pay off the debt from his last marriage. I argued that it could easily make thing worse. I tried my best, but against all of my pleadings, he agreed to build the house. Erik has perfect credit and a really good job, so he had no problem getting another loan to build a new house - even though he had little to no equity in his current one.

Well, the new house was built and finished in August of 2006. Back in March of 2006 Erik had placed his old house on the market with the theory that perhaps we could live in the new house for 2 years to avoid taxes on a sale (another misunderstanding he had - you don't avoid taxes, you just roll over your profits to another house - but he again didn't listen to me). Anyway, the "old" house was put on the market initially at just under 300K. He has lived there since 1999 and bought it for under 200K but has refinanced it so many times he owes nearly 300K. Another disappointing fact.

So, 2006 came and went and no one made an acceptable offer on the "old" house. By this time, Erik was paying a mortgage on a 300K house and a 400K house. Now I said Erik has a "good" job. But not that good, by any means. He ended up taking out an additional 100K line of credit on the "new" house based upon an obscene appraisal and was paying mortgages out of borrowed money. So - the new house was put on the market as well with the theory that we've got to sell one or the other - ideally both.

Now, it's been nearly a year and neither house has sold. Eventually the money is going to run out. I'm not sure when, he keeps saying "oh a couple more months is all I got" but then a couple months go by and he's still pluggin along. Unfortunately, even bankruptcy is not a viable option right now because in his job he has a "secret" clearance because he works with the government a lot. He's convinced that if he files bankruptcy he'll lose his secret clearance and his job. So he's been applying for other jobs but so far that has gone the way of the house sales - no luck.

Anyway - back to our relationship. We've talked about marriage repeatedly and I've indicated that I think we've waited long enough. But it always comes back to the finances. He, understandably, doesn't want to propose until he's cash-flow positive. And I appreciate that. I frankly don't want to marry into all of that debt anyway, but I sure wish he would resolve it sooner rather than later. I don't know if there will be any good resolution right now, but I do know things are getting worse, not better.

So here I am, in a relationship with a great guy who has some major financial problems. He has promised me that, once we do get married, I am authorized to take over all the finances, as I am a bit more risk-averse than him and will, hopefully, do a better job for our future. But meanwhile, I'm in "limbo" and have no idea when I'm getting engaged. Frustrating to say the least.

Now, the good news is that I'm still not at all ready to get pregnant, though I would like to in the next 3-4 years. But in reality, I don't need to be married until we decide to have kids. That said, if we pass 3 years without a proposal, I'm going to be concerned there is more behind this than finances. Right now I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. He assures me it's not commitment issues, or relationship issues, that he loves me and wants to have a family with me. But until there's a ring on my finger, I'm not sure I'll ever completely believe him.

Anyway he's out of town this week so it's got me thinking about us, and our future. I hope that he can resolve the finances, in some way - good or bad - soon. Problems like this don't go away - they just get worse.

Ok, so Back on the Wagon

Last WI: (3 weeks ago)/At Home WI: 218.6 (actually this is good..)

WEDNESDAY

Well, I fell off the wagon. For a WHILE. I climbed back on, and then fell off again. For another WHILE. But I'm back up on it and determined once again. I haven't weighed in for a couple weeks, so I won't post a WI number until after tomorrow when I officially face the music.

I won't go into the last 2 months, but the last couple weeks I've been really bad. I went to Michigan with Erik for his family vacation to stay with his partents for a week last week. It was lots of fun and very relaxing. We took his son up there and had a really good time. But I was HORRIBLE food-wise. I didn't eat healthy at all, and his dad - though a wonderful cook - is also a food pusher. I'm so weak that I accepted often. Not good. I also brought my running shoes and didn't run even once. :-(

We got back on Friday last week and the same day we flew in, my best friend from college flew in as well. Gloria is her name and she currently lives in Hawaii and is pursuing her doctorate in Psychology. She gets over to see me about once a year, so she's in town now for a week or so. So - my grand plans to get back OP after we got back got pushed back a few days as I had a very fun weekend with G. Ate too much though and definitely drank too much. I dropped her at her grandparents on Monday morning (they live close) and will pick her up again tomorrow for one more weekend of fun. So Monday I should have been good. But I wasn't. So yesterday was my recommitment day.

The only good I did this weekend was that I did make it to the gym on Sunday and ran almost 3 miles on the treadmill - ran 30 minutes and didn't quite make 3 miles. I went back yesterday evening and tried again and was only 15 sec's shy of doing the 3 miles in 30 mins. I plan to try again tonight.

My left knee was hurting a bit on both runs. Both times it began hurting about mile 1.5 or 2.0. I hope it's just "under use" and not some real injury. I'm going to try not to push it, but I do want to try to run 3-4 days a week from now on. Today I plan to run and probably won't be able to again until Saturday.

Well, after I got back from Michigan I got on the scale and Sat, Sun, and Mon, I saw 220's. Not good at all. So after my "perfect" day yesterday, today the scale read 218.6. So that's why I'm happy with that number. Even though it's a full 5 lbs higher than 2 months ago. I'm ok. I just have to keep plugin along.

I've started a new challenge on the WW board. A group of us is trying to lose 20 lbs in 20 weeks. They started July 1. I really started yesterday but am going to try to catch up. The challenge runs us almost up to Thanksgiving, the day I'm going to *try* to run the Atlanta half marathon, so I really think this will be good. I think WI tomorrow will be something close to 220, hopefully 218, but if I can lose 20 lbs by thanksgiving, I'll be on ONEDERLAND which I haven't seen in a very long time.

That's the plan!

Today I'm leaving work around 4:30. I'm going to go home, change, hit the gym, and then hang out with Erik tonight. I've got 10 more points left for the day, not counting any I earn at the gym, so I should be good for a second "perfect" day. :0)

Myspace Humor

Funny story. I use myspace to keep up with friends (see link to right). I also have my brother's Joey and Kerry, as my friends. One of the things on my myspace page is a link to a quiz to see how well my friends know me. Basically you go there and create a quiz that your friends have to take. I created the questions designed to trip up people who "kinda" know me, but people who know me well should get right. Well, my best friend and boyfriend got 100%. Good for them! I knew they knew me. :-) Well, yesterday, I noticed my brother Joey had taken the test. On the myspace page you can only see what they scored, not what they got wrong. Well, my brother only got a 70%. So I'm thinking - what the hell did he get wrong? Well, turns out he missed my favorite casino game (it's craps, though he knows I play a lot of poker, so that's what he picked) no problem. I understand that misstep. And he missed who my favorite male actor is - duh! - Will Smith! But, I can also understand I don't talk about dreamy actors with my brother. Forgiven. BUT. The last one he missed. Get this - how many neices and nephews do I have? That's right, it's a simple counting task - count up all his kids, and all my brother's kids. Total: 6. Well - Joey has 4 children. My "half" brother has 2. Joey selected the option "4". Which I put in there to trip up my friends who didn't know I had a half-brother whom I don't keep as much in contact with as Joey. But it tripped up JOEY. LOL. That is so funny. I had to comment on his page on how self-absorbed he was. Of course he had to respond. Funny sibling banter. :-)