Busy means Bad

Unknown...going to official WI tonight or tomorrow.

My life has been CRAZY this last month or two. So busy. So tiring. So much.

Our party was great. We had lots of people over and lots of fun. After that, though, my life switched to high gear. Every major election cycle, I volunteer for this organization that recruits and dispatches hundreds of volunteers in Georgia. This year was our biggest yet with over 600 volunteers on the ground. So I've been crazy busy this last week. I didn't sleep much at all until Tuesday night, when I slept for 16 hours. Yes 16 hours. I went to bed at midnight on Tuesday (already having taken Wednesday off) and didn't get out of bed until 4:00 pm on Wednesday. And I still slept a full 8 hours last night as well. I haven't slept that much ever, not being sick. Just shows how exhausted I was from the week before. I literally worked 80 hours in 6 days. Exhausting.

So now I'm back to normal life and back to the effort of weight loss. After much personal debate, I've decided to go back to Weight Watchers. It's the only thing that's ever worked for me, so I'm going to try again. I haven't decided which meeting I'm going to go to, but I have decided not to go to the one at my work. As convenient as it is, I'm not a huge fan of the leader, and for me, the weight watchers journey has always been a relatively private thing. I don't feel as comfortable going to a big meeting at my office, however convenient it is. Odd, yes. But we have to do what works, right?

So there's a meeting near my house on Thursday nights at 6:30. The trouble is getting there by 6:30 will not always be easy. I'm going to try to go today and check it out. I don't know how I'll feel about it, but it's worth a try. There's lots of other choices, however, if that one doesn't work out.

So don't be surprised to see a crazy high number tomorrow. I've hit 240, which is sick, but that's why I'm doing this. I didn't get on the scale this morning, frankly because I forgot, but I'm sure it's somewhere near 240. Which means tonight at an official weigh in with clothes after eating during the day, I'll probably see 245 or so. The numbers are so high now they're almost meaningless. Which is even more scary.

I've got to do something about this now, or it will only get worse.

Another thing may be a factor in my weight loss attempt this time, but I don't know in what way. I just started back on the birth control pill. For most of my adult life I've been on Depo Provera - the shot - that has been shown to cause weight gain. I've always felt like I couldn't blame my weight gain on that, though because when I really tried, and did the right things, I could still lose weight. That said, however, I'm hoping that the transition to traditional pill birth control might make things easier. I'm not holding my breath, though - I don't know that it will make a measurable difference. But it is one thing to think about as I just started the pill on Sunday. We'll see what happens.

But - I'm going to try to keep blogging as I do this. Holiday seasons are the toughest, so I know I need to start now rather than wait until January when I'm at 260 or worse.

Off to a new start!

don't feel like blogging

217.0 (eh).

MONDAY

Not really in the mood to blog today, or the last week really. I'm kinda in a funk. Not sure why. Erik & I got in a fight last night that started over something small then got me all worked up. We're fine now, but it was emotionally draining. I've missed 3 boot camps now, after not making it this morning. I did email my instructors today though and promised to be there tomorrow. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm very slow at work, which leads to stress about my job security. I know it's not just me, but I still stress.

Anyway - hopefully I'll snap out of this shortly. I'm not loving life right now, though even in saying that I realize how selfish that is and how many blessings I have. Why is it sometimes hard to appreciate them?

Michigan here I come & Wii Fit

217.8 (whatever)

FRIDAY

Well it's been a good week other than the food thing. I've really lost my focus there. But I do have some good news, regardless. I've had at least 5 people, over the last 48 hours, tell me that I really look great, that they can see the difference. Which is wonderful. I think there's two things that have caused this. 1) I've been doing really good with this boot camp - and it's showing, particularly in my muscle tone. Although I haven't dropped massive amounts of weight, I know I've gotten a lot stronger, so that may be what people are noticing. 2) I've been tanning. I've noticed that even if you're not losing weight/toning up, a tan makes you look thinner. I don't know why, maybe it's that "healthy glow" it gives you, like you've been out in the sun recently, but it works. I've been doing the fake tanning, but the result is the same.

Either way, I like it. I'm going out of town this weekend, but once I get back, I'm going to be right at 3 months until the wedding. I hope to be able to do even better over the next few months and really tone up. That said - the work I've done so far, already has made a difference, and if for some reason I don't make any more progress, I know I'll fit into my wedding dress and look good - if not as good as I could, I'll still look good.

I'm not giving up - I'm still motivated to make a big difference, but I'm also staying positive so I don't beat myself up too much if I don't reach my goals.

Anyway, Erik & I leave today with Daniel to go to Michigan for a short vacation. We fly out at about 2:00 and get back on Monday afternoon. We usually go up there once a year for a week or so, but this time, with the wedding coming up and all, we could only work out a long weekend. So, off we go.

I'm going to try to keep things in check this weekend. I always eat really crazy in Michigan because his dad is a really good cook and they make massive meals once or twice a day. I'm going to try to reduce my portions, and get in a good run both Sat. & Sun. That's the plan - hopefully I can execute. The good news is I always get a lot of sleep in Michigan. Which is wonderful and something I've been a little short on recently.

In other news, Erik & I got our Wii Fit on Wednesday. It is SOOOOO cool. I absolutely love it. Even if it does make my character look really tubby after my weigh in (motivation I guess). The exercises and games are really fun and some of them are really challenging. I definitely think that Wii Fit will be a nice compliment to the work I'm already doing. I fun way to burn a few more calories in the day. We got it Wednesday night and Erik & I stayed up until 11:30 playing it, knowing we were both getting up at 5:00 am the next morning for boot camp (it was bring a friend day). But we're competitive, and we found that each of us have particular strengths. I'm good at the dancing/balance games, he's good at the technique/sport games. I'll probably post more about this after we get back from Michigan and as I figure it out more, but so far all signs point to LOVING the Wii Fit!

I think that's about it. I leave for the airport in about an hour, so need to get some work wrapped up.

Sick...

216.6

SATURDAY

bleh. I'm sick. I'm such a horrible sick person. I whine a lot, bitch a lot, and generally am no fun to be around. So it's going to be a fun weekend, I can tell. Erik & Daniel left for the baseball game about 30 mins ago. I'm sitting up in bed wondering if I have the energy to watch a movie. No poker for me today. No anything. I had big plans to accomplish at the house, but maybe I'll settle for getting laundry done.

Good news: Sobriety's easy when it hurts to swallow.

Tired tired tired

219.4 (keep going down you sadistic scale.. and we'll be friends.)

TUESDAY

I've been so tired this week, for really no good weekend. Ok, so yes, I had a craaaazy weekend running around all over the world of Georgia, but I did get almost enough sleep Sunday night. Yesterday I left work about 12:30 to do "one more" dress shopping trip (yeah right). I hit two stores and think I've narrowed it down to 3 dresses at one store. Of course Holly couldn't go with me yesterday so I couldn't make a decision. Why I can't decide this on my own, I don't know, but I can't! Hopefully she'll be able to take an hour or so today to make one final trip at lunch to PICK A DAMN DRESS. I'm so over this.

I finished my dress hell, I mean shopping, at about 4:00 yesterday and was exhausted. I was going to go back to work, but just couldn't do it. I ended up going home and taking a nap, then laying in bed all night till I passed out again about 11:30. I feel a little better today, but still slept in until 8:00 and of course did NOT do my morning exercise routine like planned. Bad girl! So now I have to try to find the motivation to work out tonight. We'll see.

Good news is, that I had a decent lunch right before dress trying-on-hell and didn't really get hungry for dinner between naps and lazy bed lounging. I had a little lunch meat & cheese and a bag of popcorn, but that probably explains why the scale was friendly today. I'm not complaining. I'm going to try to do it again today. I want to see 218.something by Thursday!