237.2 Yes. that is not a typo.
I didn't want to write it. I didn't want to see it and I don't want to admit it. After about 4 days off the scales I braved it this morning and the above was my reward. Or punishment rather. Really? Really? I'm in awe and amazement. I cannot believe how absurdly easy it is to gain weight. And no, I haven't been exactly counting calories, but I have been concious of my eating. You know how some days/weeks/ months you just don't care so don't worry about it and don't think about it. I'm not even there, yet the scale keeps climbing higher and higher.
Today a funny situation has brought it all into perspective. I was updating my quicken this morning, looking at recent charges on my amex and found a shockingly wrong charge. Earlier this week, in a moment of weakness, I was craving Taco Bell. So I went there and spent $7.27. If you know taco bell at all you know $7.27 buys a ridiculous amount of food. So yes, I binged. But I paid for it. Multiple times it seems. Today when I saw that charge, I was like - yes, that's right. But the very next charge was for Taco Bell, same day for $72.27. Um. NO. I binged, but I did not eat $72 dollars worth of tacos and chalupas. Now if Amex were to put me on a scale they may beg to differ.
So anyway, I called and disputed the charge and thankfully had the receipt for the proper charge, which they said would make things easier. The woman laughed when I told her there was no way I was eating $72 dollars worth of taco bell. But in reality - this is a good crazy sign. I mean no, I didn't go that overboard, but yes I have gone overboard. And it's time to get it in check.
I've not been quite as bad in the exercise department. I hit the gym on Friday and my own treadmill on Saturday and WILL be going today. But none of the exercises have been as long as I used to be able to go, so not burning as many calories. I know - it will take time. But at least I'm going. That's the first step.
Next is to be HONEST with what I'm putting in my mouth. I said I've been conscious of what I'm eating, but we all know that when we 'guesstimate' we often get it wrong - very wrong. So, starting today I'm back on sparkpeople, logging my calories. I had hoped to be under 220 by Oct. 1. Obviously that failed. New goal - back to 225 by Sept. 1. Ambitious goal, but there it is.
The other thing I've been thinking about (in a self pitious way) is how easy it is for some people to simply maintain their weight. I cannot. If I'm not trying I'm gaining. My husband has been a perfectly healthy 165 since the day I met him. He goes up or down a few pounds depending on the time of year (holidays vs. summertime) but generally there he is. he fits in the jeans he wore 15 years ago. Absurd. Why is it so easy for him?
I know genetics has a lot to do with it along with habits and cravings. But DAMN it sucks.
Oh well, I am who I am and have to deal with my body, my habits, and my cravings. It's just so hard sometimes.
Showing posts with label Frustrations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Frustrations. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wow time FLIES
THURSDAY
Oh my gosh time flies. I'm so crazy scared of this wedding! It's now 44 days away. Yes, little 44 days. Under 50 but still more than a month, thank god! It's so sneaking up on me!
Well, life's been busy as you can imagine. I've got lots of wedding stuff on the calendar. I'm meeting with the resort this weekend to finalize the menu details, cake stuff, timeing, etc. Yesterday I went and looked at "chair covers" and linens. Do not ASK me what I'm paying for chair covers and linens. OMG. Ridiculous. And trust me - I got the "basic" ones! It's just when you have a semi-large wedding (~145) and have to cover chairs for both the ceremony AND the reception, it gets expensive. Oh - and of course my site does not have ivory linens, so I'm stuck renting those too - or having them in white and clash with my dress and everything else. booo.
Oh well, things are getting done, albeit slowly. I'm excited and my weekends are filling up with to do's but boy it's getting close.
As for weight loss/work out, I'm a bit frustrated. I jumped back into Boot Camp full force. I've been every day. This is the end of week 2. I saw a good 4 lb loss the first week, but have really stagnated this week. Now I know there are several factors that could be in play here. I've been VERY sore this week so it could be water retention. I've been good but not "great" with food. But sheesh! I'm burning 600+ calories every morning! You'd think that'd add up to something.
Oh well - still pluggin along. I know the results will come. I won't be a "skinny minny" for my wedding, but as I've said before, if I lose some weight and feel fit, that's what matters. I just want to feel "good" about myself, even if I don't feel "perfect".
And work has gotten good too. I'm on two primary cases, with a few others sort of dormant. These two are keeping me busy though. I'm pretty much the primary associate on both, so I have a lot of responsibility and client contact which is exactly what I need to feel motivated and appreicated. If only I could get my butt into work earlier. With the boot camp I've been bad about getting to bed ontime so I've been "napping" when I get home at 6:30 for a bit which gets me into work late (obviously). I am staying later to make up for it, but if I could just rearrange the scheduling and be asleep by 10:00 it would all work easier. I'm just such a night owl and even with good intentions every night, I can't seem to fall asleep until around midnight. Frustrating.
Oh well - boot camp too will be over in 44 days. Hopefully then (after the honeymoon at least) I can get back to normal work life. Hopefully no one really is bothered by it in the meantime!
That's about it. Sorry for the lack of posting. I'd like to keep a good journal of this exciting time, but it's hard. I'm going to try harder to get on more often!
Oh my gosh time flies. I'm so crazy scared of this wedding! It's now 44 days away. Yes, little 44 days. Under 50 but still more than a month, thank god! It's so sneaking up on me!
Well, life's been busy as you can imagine. I've got lots of wedding stuff on the calendar. I'm meeting with the resort this weekend to finalize the menu details, cake stuff, timeing, etc. Yesterday I went and looked at "chair covers" and linens. Do not ASK me what I'm paying for chair covers and linens. OMG. Ridiculous. And trust me - I got the "basic" ones! It's just when you have a semi-large wedding (~145) and have to cover chairs for both the ceremony AND the reception, it gets expensive. Oh - and of course my site does not have ivory linens, so I'm stuck renting those too - or having them in white and clash with my dress and everything else. booo.
Oh well, things are getting done, albeit slowly. I'm excited and my weekends are filling up with to do's but boy it's getting close.
As for weight loss/work out, I'm a bit frustrated. I jumped back into Boot Camp full force. I've been every day. This is the end of week 2. I saw a good 4 lb loss the first week, but have really stagnated this week. Now I know there are several factors that could be in play here. I've been VERY sore this week so it could be water retention. I've been good but not "great" with food. But sheesh! I'm burning 600+ calories every morning! You'd think that'd add up to something.
Oh well - still pluggin along. I know the results will come. I won't be a "skinny minny" for my wedding, but as I've said before, if I lose some weight and feel fit, that's what matters. I just want to feel "good" about myself, even if I don't feel "perfect".
And work has gotten good too. I'm on two primary cases, with a few others sort of dormant. These two are keeping me busy though. I'm pretty much the primary associate on both, so I have a lot of responsibility and client contact which is exactly what I need to feel motivated and appreicated. If only I could get my butt into work earlier. With the boot camp I've been bad about getting to bed ontime so I've been "napping" when I get home at 6:30 for a bit which gets me into work late (obviously). I am staying later to make up for it, but if I could just rearrange the scheduling and be asleep by 10:00 it would all work easier. I'm just such a night owl and even with good intentions every night, I can't seem to fall asleep until around midnight. Frustrating.
Oh well - boot camp too will be over in 44 days. Hopefully then (after the honeymoon at least) I can get back to normal work life. Hopefully no one really is bothered by it in the meantime!
That's about it. Sorry for the lack of posting. I'd like to keep a good journal of this exciting time, but it's hard. I'm going to try harder to get on more often!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Back to Blogging?
Not Sure on WI...
WEDNESDAY
So I'm not sure why I had such a funk with blogging. I tried to analyze why I didn't want to blog, and I think it was at least partly due to the fact that I've not been good with the bootcamp/eating/dieting thing and I feel like that girl that's always "gonna" lose weight but never does. This blog is supposed to help inspire me, keep me on track, and ultimately help me lose weight. When I've been bad, though I don't want to come on and say my weight, or say how bad I've been. So I say - ah - tomorrow I'll blog after I'm good today. But that just doesn't work sometimes.
So here's declaring. THIS BLOG IS FOR ME. Well duh, you say, who else would it be for? Well, no one in particular, but when you know someone's reading (even if it's only like 3 someones) you feel an obligation to do good. Well, I don't always do good. It's hard to lose weight. And you know what? I can still be a good person even if I don't.
So I'm back, I hope with the same goals, but hopefully not the same fears. Ironically I forgot to weigh myself this morning. Not at all in anticipation of this post. Yesterday morning i was at 217.4, so I'm sure I'm somewhere around there.
So - life is good otherwise. I've finally got some work to do, which translates to TONS of work to do. That's pretty much how it goes, though. Feast or famine. But it's better. I billed less than 100 hours last month (I should average b/w 160-180 each month). And this month until this week I hadn't billed even 40. So this is good. I'm not at a place where I worry about my job in the short run, but if that pace kept up, there'd definitely be trouble.
In other news, I've re-found my obsession with poker. I never really quit playing, and Erik and I have always gone out 1-2 nights a week to play with friends, but recently bought a book by a player I respect greatly, Gus Hansen, called Every Hand Revealed. It's basically the story of how he won the Aussie Millions - a huge annual poker tournament in Australia - in 2007. He tells every hand he played, the circumstance of the table, and his thought process behind is decisions. Fantastically boring for a non-poker player I'm sure, but exceptionally helpful to me. It got me inspired. I'm back playing online, and doing pretty well. I put $100 on my PokerStars account a week ago and have about $300 now. I'm going to try to build up a bankroll for Erik & my September trip to Vegas. We'll see how it goes, but right now I'm really lovin it.
Other than that, wedding plans are going fine. I'm sure there's something I should be doing right now but all the major stuff is taken care of, and we're down to details. I think it'll all work out just fine.
That's about it for now. I'm going to try to stay on the blogging thing. For me. It sure can't hurt. :-)
WEDNESDAY
So I'm not sure why I had such a funk with blogging. I tried to analyze why I didn't want to blog, and I think it was at least partly due to the fact that I've not been good with the bootcamp/eating/dieting thing and I feel like that girl that's always "gonna" lose weight but never does. This blog is supposed to help inspire me, keep me on track, and ultimately help me lose weight. When I've been bad, though I don't want to come on and say my weight, or say how bad I've been. So I say - ah - tomorrow I'll blog after I'm good today. But that just doesn't work sometimes.
So here's declaring. THIS BLOG IS FOR ME. Well duh, you say, who else would it be for? Well, no one in particular, but when you know someone's reading (even if it's only like 3 someones) you feel an obligation to do good. Well, I don't always do good. It's hard to lose weight. And you know what? I can still be a good person even if I don't.
So I'm back, I hope with the same goals, but hopefully not the same fears. Ironically I forgot to weigh myself this morning. Not at all in anticipation of this post. Yesterday morning i was at 217.4, so I'm sure I'm somewhere around there.
So - life is good otherwise. I've finally got some work to do, which translates to TONS of work to do. That's pretty much how it goes, though. Feast or famine. But it's better. I billed less than 100 hours last month (I should average b/w 160-180 each month). And this month until this week I hadn't billed even 40. So this is good. I'm not at a place where I worry about my job in the short run, but if that pace kept up, there'd definitely be trouble.
In other news, I've re-found my obsession with poker. I never really quit playing, and Erik and I have always gone out 1-2 nights a week to play with friends, but recently bought a book by a player I respect greatly, Gus Hansen, called Every Hand Revealed. It's basically the story of how he won the Aussie Millions - a huge annual poker tournament in Australia - in 2007. He tells every hand he played, the circumstance of the table, and his thought process behind is decisions. Fantastically boring for a non-poker player I'm sure, but exceptionally helpful to me. It got me inspired. I'm back playing online, and doing pretty well. I put $100 on my PokerStars account a week ago and have about $300 now. I'm going to try to build up a bankroll for Erik & my September trip to Vegas. We'll see how it goes, but right now I'm really lovin it.
Other than that, wedding plans are going fine. I'm sure there's something I should be doing right now but all the major stuff is taken care of, and we're down to details. I think it'll all work out just fine.
That's about it for now. I'm going to try to stay on the blogging thing. For me. It sure can't hurt. :-)
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Sick...
216.6
SATURDAY
bleh. I'm sick. I'm such a horrible sick person. I whine a lot, bitch a lot, and generally am no fun to be around. So it's going to be a fun weekend, I can tell. Erik & Daniel left for the baseball game about 30 mins ago. I'm sitting up in bed wondering if I have the energy to watch a movie. No poker for me today. No anything. I had big plans to accomplish at the house, but maybe I'll settle for getting laundry done.
Good news: Sobriety's easy when it hurts to swallow.
SATURDAY
bleh. I'm sick. I'm such a horrible sick person. I whine a lot, bitch a lot, and generally am no fun to be around. So it's going to be a fun weekend, I can tell. Erik & Daniel left for the baseball game about 30 mins ago. I'm sitting up in bed wondering if I have the energy to watch a movie. No poker for me today. No anything. I had big plans to accomplish at the house, but maybe I'll settle for getting laundry done.
Good news: Sobriety's easy when it hurts to swallow.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Why do we sabotoge?
217.6
MONDAY
So, after my AMAZING weigh in on Thursday, what did I do? Proceed to eat and drink merrily for 3 days. What the hell? I have a co-worker who sits next to me at the office who's also doing weight watchers. She came in this morning and we compared notes. We both agree that one of our biggest struggles is that we totally self-sabotage when we have a good week/day/scale showing. Her's this week was a morning scale-hop - she saw a good number and then justified copious amounts of ice cream. Mine was my fabulous weigh in on Thursday justifying a stupid alcohol binge on Friday night. The worst part about it was that Erik & I had plans to go to the movies on Friday which, at worst, would have resulted in a popcorn binge. Instead, at the last minute, we decided to go to Y-Knots and drink too much. Well I, at least, drank too much. Which lead to 11:00 pm ordering of "pub rolls" these fabulously cheesy, chicken roll thingies that are, of course, deep fried and very good. I wasn't even HUNGRY but the alcohol ALWAYS has me craving food. Bad girl.
Saturday and Sunday were better but not perfect. I had a wonderfully productive weekend house-wise and got lots of boxes unpacked. But Saturday we did go to that movie and I did have that popcorn binge. Sunday after church we went to Ted's Montana Grill for Bison burgers and Mexican for dinner (dinner was Erik's idea, but did I object? NO!).
Oh - and have I logged all this craziness into Sparkpeople? Of course not.
SO - today has been declared another 1200 calorie day. I can DO this. I WILL have a light lunch. I WILL run 3 miles as SOON as I get home, and I WILL eat VERY little for dinner. I WILL. All is not lost. The scale reading today is about what it was last Wednesday before my kick butt day/work out that dropped it to the 215's. I can still recover before Thursday. But oh - how low would I be if this weekend never happened?
Eh - woulda, coulda, shoulda, right? Moving on...
MONDAY
So, after my AMAZING weigh in on Thursday, what did I do? Proceed to eat and drink merrily for 3 days. What the hell? I have a co-worker who sits next to me at the office who's also doing weight watchers. She came in this morning and we compared notes. We both agree that one of our biggest struggles is that we totally self-sabotage when we have a good week/day/scale showing. Her's this week was a morning scale-hop - she saw a good number and then justified copious amounts of ice cream. Mine was my fabulous weigh in on Thursday justifying a stupid alcohol binge on Friday night. The worst part about it was that Erik & I had plans to go to the movies on Friday which, at worst, would have resulted in a popcorn binge. Instead, at the last minute, we decided to go to Y-Knots and drink too much. Well I, at least, drank too much. Which lead to 11:00 pm ordering of "pub rolls" these fabulously cheesy, chicken roll thingies that are, of course, deep fried and very good. I wasn't even HUNGRY but the alcohol ALWAYS has me craving food. Bad girl.
Saturday and Sunday were better but not perfect. I had a wonderfully productive weekend house-wise and got lots of boxes unpacked. But Saturday we did go to that movie and I did have that popcorn binge. Sunday after church we went to Ted's Montana Grill for Bison burgers and Mexican for dinner (dinner was Erik's idea, but did I object? NO!).
Oh - and have I logged all this craziness into Sparkpeople? Of course not.
SO - today has been declared another 1200 calorie day. I can DO this. I WILL have a light lunch. I WILL run 3 miles as SOON as I get home, and I WILL eat VERY little for dinner. I WILL. All is not lost. The scale reading today is about what it was last Wednesday before my kick butt day/work out that dropped it to the 215's. I can still recover before Thursday. But oh - how low would I be if this weekend never happened?
Eh - woulda, coulda, shoulda, right? Moving on...
Monday, March 3, 2008
Poker is Financing my Wedding (dress..)
219.6 (not bad!)
MONDAY
This weekend went by SOOOO fast. So much going on, again. This wedding planning stuff is hard. So, Friday night Holly & Dana come over for dinner & Wii for the boys and Tivo catch up for the girls. I had a bit too much wine, but not bad otherwise. Saturday Holly & I met up at 10:00 to start our crazy day of dress trying-on. I was determined to buy a dress on Saturday. I've probably tried on 100 different dresses by now, so it was time to commit. Our day started in Douglasville - a town about 25 miles west of us. We found a dress I absolutely LOVED. It's a maggie sotoro, and the rack size was a 14. It almost fit, but definitely was a little snug. After a conference with the seamstress who assured me that she could make that one fit, we decided it would be better to order one so I could add a few inches to the length. Being 5'11", almost nothing fits me off the rack, length-wise. So we did all the measurements, the store talked to the factory and supposedly was told that we could get that dress, plus 4 inches, in a 16 on July 7th. Not bad. but I didn't want to commit b/c I hadn't stopped by another store I had on my list. So I gave them all my information, got their card and assurances I could order it over the phone later that day, and we headed to carrolton. Just to be sure.
The Carrollton store was another 20 miles away, mostly south and a little west. We got there, tried on about 7 dresses, and were not wow'd by any of them. By now, it's about 2:45 pm and we're hungry and tired. We started heading for home, and I decided to order the one from Douglasville. I literally have the phone in my hand and it is ringing when Holly says - we have to go to Belles & Beaus - a bridal store in my own town that oddly enough I haven't been to and is where Holly got her dress. She's right. We never made it there. So I hang up and we trek another 30 miles back to Fayetteville. Well, Belle's & Beaus is under new management from when Holly got her dress, and they had a very small selection. Nothing the appealed to me. We didn't even try one one. By then it's 4:30 and we have another hour and a half before all the shops close, so we decide to try ONE MORE in Peachtree City (PTC). I'd been in this shop with holly about a month ago for her to try on bridesmaid dresses, before I was ready to try on wedding dresses, but hadn't looked at their stock.
So we get to J. Andrews in PTC, and find out they carry Maggie Sotoro - the designer that made the dress I fell in love with in Douglasville. Now PTC is MUCH closer to where I live now and our new house than Douglasville. Like about 20 miles closer. So I decided I'd try on their dresses, but if I didn't like them I'd order my Maggie from them. Now starts the trouble. Of course none of their dresses compared, so we started trying to figure out how to order my dress. It's about 5:30 now. Maggie has a great website, but for some reason I couldn't find my dress on it. So I called the Douglasville store and asked them for the design number "so I could show my mom online". They put me on hold for like 20 minutes (ok, maybe 5) and then came back and gave me a very odd model number. I said, ok, thanks and hung up. Of course that model number wasn't found on the website either, so this time Holly took my phone, and playing me, bullied them into giving me the right number. They really didn't want to, obviously for the exact reason I wanted it, but finally she got it out of them. She basically said she's not buying a dress if her mother couldn't see it and if they don't give it to her she'll go somewhere else. I worked. Unfortunately, that's not the end of it.
We still couldn't find it on the website, though the number is of the right type. Finally the owner of J. Andrews discovered that it was a discontinued design. Through all her "inside" resources, she discovered that they didn't have any in stock in my size and weren't making it anymore. Unfortunately, by that time the factory was closed, so she couldn't call them directly. This was so confusing as I thought the Douglasville store had talked to the factory about this specific dress. Turns out, they may have just talked to them generally about how much additional length was, and when the ship date would be. Odd. I just don't know. So we ended the day very depressed. The J. Andrews owner is going to call the factory today and call me back, hopefully with good news, but I'm just not confident. So depressing! I was ready to buy and then it gets snatched away. The worst part is that the dress I fell in love with was almost $300 cheaper than any other one I've liked. Booo!
So by then it's 6:00 and we're beat, frustrated, and starving. We met Dana for dinner at Longhorn, and then I headed off to a poker tournament I had won entry into through the company we play with. It's was a free tournament, but had a $1000 prize pool to the various winners. By 1:00 am I had won the tournament, and after making a deal at the final table, took home $500 of the $1000 with the rest being divided among 3 other players. Very cool. That $500 will definitely be going toward the wedding, and this stupid dress hunt. Here's a picture of me after I won (very tired!)
MONDAY
This weekend went by SOOOO fast. So much going on, again. This wedding planning stuff is hard. So, Friday night Holly & Dana come over for dinner & Wii for the boys and Tivo catch up for the girls. I had a bit too much wine, but not bad otherwise. Saturday Holly & I met up at 10:00 to start our crazy day of dress trying-on. I was determined to buy a dress on Saturday. I've probably tried on 100 different dresses by now, so it was time to commit. Our day started in Douglasville - a town about 25 miles west of us. We found a dress I absolutely LOVED. It's a maggie sotoro, and the rack size was a 14. It almost fit, but definitely was a little snug. After a conference with the seamstress who assured me that she could make that one fit, we decided it would be better to order one so I could add a few inches to the length. Being 5'11", almost nothing fits me off the rack, length-wise. So we did all the measurements, the store talked to the factory and supposedly was told that we could get that dress, plus 4 inches, in a 16 on July 7th. Not bad. but I didn't want to commit b/c I hadn't stopped by another store I had on my list. So I gave them all my information, got their card and assurances I could order it over the phone later that day, and we headed to carrolton. Just to be sure.
The Carrollton store was another 20 miles away, mostly south and a little west. We got there, tried on about 7 dresses, and were not wow'd by any of them. By now, it's about 2:45 pm and we're hungry and tired. We started heading for home, and I decided to order the one from Douglasville. I literally have the phone in my hand and it is ringing when Holly says - we have to go to Belles & Beaus - a bridal store in my own town that oddly enough I haven't been to and is where Holly got her dress. She's right. We never made it there. So I hang up and we trek another 30 miles back to Fayetteville. Well, Belle's & Beaus is under new management from when Holly got her dress, and they had a very small selection. Nothing the appealed to me. We didn't even try one one. By then it's 4:30 and we have another hour and a half before all the shops close, so we decide to try ONE MORE in Peachtree City (PTC). I'd been in this shop with holly about a month ago for her to try on bridesmaid dresses, before I was ready to try on wedding dresses, but hadn't looked at their stock.
So we get to J. Andrews in PTC, and find out they carry Maggie Sotoro - the designer that made the dress I fell in love with in Douglasville. Now PTC is MUCH closer to where I live now and our new house than Douglasville. Like about 20 miles closer. So I decided I'd try on their dresses, but if I didn't like them I'd order my Maggie from them. Now starts the trouble. Of course none of their dresses compared, so we started trying to figure out how to order my dress. It's about 5:30 now. Maggie has a great website, but for some reason I couldn't find my dress on it. So I called the Douglasville store and asked them for the design number "so I could show my mom online". They put me on hold for like 20 minutes (ok, maybe 5) and then came back and gave me a very odd model number. I said, ok, thanks and hung up. Of course that model number wasn't found on the website either, so this time Holly took my phone, and playing me, bullied them into giving me the right number. They really didn't want to, obviously for the exact reason I wanted it, but finally she got it out of them. She basically said she's not buying a dress if her mother couldn't see it and if they don't give it to her she'll go somewhere else. I worked. Unfortunately, that's not the end of it.
We still couldn't find it on the website, though the number is of the right type. Finally the owner of J. Andrews discovered that it was a discontinued design. Through all her "inside" resources, she discovered that they didn't have any in stock in my size and weren't making it anymore. Unfortunately, by that time the factory was closed, so she couldn't call them directly. This was so confusing as I thought the Douglasville store had talked to the factory about this specific dress. Turns out, they may have just talked to them generally about how much additional length was, and when the ship date would be. Odd. I just don't know. So we ended the day very depressed. The J. Andrews owner is going to call the factory today and call me back, hopefully with good news, but I'm just not confident. So depressing! I was ready to buy and then it gets snatched away. The worst part is that the dress I fell in love with was almost $300 cheaper than any other one I've liked. Booo!
So by then it's 6:00 and we're beat, frustrated, and starving. We met Dana for dinner at Longhorn, and then I headed off to a poker tournament I had won entry into through the company we play with. It's was a free tournament, but had a $1000 prize pool to the various winners. By 1:00 am I had won the tournament, and after making a deal at the final table, took home $500 of the $1000 with the rest being divided among 3 other players. Very cool. That $500 will definitely be going toward the wedding, and this stupid dress hunt. Here's a picture of me after I won (very tired!)
Lots of fun, but very exhausting. I didn't get home till about 1:30 Saturday night (sunday morning!) and got up about 9:00 for church with Erik & Daniel. After church we dropped off Daniel and then Erik & I had lunch and then spent 5 HOURS registering for our wedding at Dillard's and Linens & Things. We were SOOOO tired after that. Who knew it would be such a chore to pick out things for people to buy us?!? Crazy.
We got home and totally vegged out the rest of the night. Watched a couple movies, played a little online poker, and passed out.
This morning, I'm proud to say, I got up and did 30 mins on the treadmill. I'm still not nearly up to the ability to run all 30 yet, but I did run 1 mile, then did a hard walk on incline for the rest of my time. I'm hoping to be up to running a full 3 miles in 30 by the end of the month. I think I can do it.
So, this morning's scale is probably pretty accurate. Although I did drink Thursday, Friday & Saturday nights, I had only one meal on both Saturday & Sunday with all the running around we did, and boy i can say that trying on those heavy wedding dresses, and trekking around huge box stores for a registry gives you a work out. Sheesh. So I'm hoping to get the scale down another couple pounds this week. I think I can do it.
Erik & I leave for California for 4 days on Thursday, so I've got to really kick butt at work and at this diet before we leave. I'm absolutely planning on using the 24 hour gym at the resort, but I'd love to go into this mini-vacation seeing under 218 on the scale. Here's hoping!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Been away for a bit
No weights.
FRIDAY
Ok, I just don't feel like posting weights. Not happy with how things are going, and as expected, only myself to blame. I've not been horrible, but I've been "maintaining" since I had one good week after getting engaged. That's NOT going to get me into the wedding dress size I want.
I'm starting to think it's hopeless, that I'm destined to be around 220 for the rest of my life. Hopefully no more. It seems like my "efforts" only serve to keep me from gaining anymore, which certainly is a good thing, but I can't seem to stick to it for more than a day or two in a row. What gives?
I keep thinking back to those first few months on WW. I first started when I was an intern at a law firm between my 2nd and 3rd years in law school. I continued on through my first semester of my 3rd year, all the way to goal and lifetime. It took 6 months to go from 208 to 167. Now I'm at 220, and can't seem to MOVE. I don't know what's wrong. I've done all the things they say - recommit, do what you used to do, treat it like the first time, etc. But for whatever reason, I can't. I find excuses. Why was it so easy back then? Why was I able to make the "tough" choices every day, day in and day out?
Now that was in 2001, so I know my metabolism may have slowed a bit, turning 30 and all, but that really doesn't explain this. That's really just a cop out.
I don't have the answer. I feel like I've tried everything. Today is just a really tough day. I went shopping with Holly today at Dillards. They're having a big shoe sale and she wanted to go. While I was there, I walked through the misses department. This is such a tough time for me shopping-wise because I'm a 16. Now that is possibly the worst size to be shopping-wise. It's the top of the "regular" clothes and the bottom of the "plus-size" clothes. Translation - they never have my size. In the women's section, they always have 18W and bigger. In the missus section, I'm lucky to find a 14. In all the styles I looked at today I found 2 16's on the whole 2nd floor. No I didn't look at every rack, but I looked at a lot. So frustrating. One didn't fit, and the other (a white dress) made me look like a ginormous 50's house-wife. Not good.
So I left there trying to explain to the oh-so-skinny, I can wear anything, Holly, why I hate shopping. She doesn't get it, though she tries to be sympathetic.
That's the other thing. She's my matron of honor, and has been pressuring me to go wedding dress shopping for a month and made me commit to tomorrow. I'm totally dreading it. I know I will hate the way I look in any of them. I also know that I can't put it off forever and it doesn't look like I'm losing the weight as planned. Shocker. I really don't want to do it. I'm so excited about the wedding but really feel self conscious about the whole thing. I'd love to be where I was in law school when I felt so confident at 167 - a solid size 10, tall, thin. I let it all go and then some though. I really didn't appreciate it enough.
Grrr.
So this became a rant blog. You can see, now, why it's been almost 2 weeks since I've been on. No good progress to report. That said, I still need to do this. It's theraputic in many ways, even when I'm off track.
FRIDAY
Ok, I just don't feel like posting weights. Not happy with how things are going, and as expected, only myself to blame. I've not been horrible, but I've been "maintaining" since I had one good week after getting engaged. That's NOT going to get me into the wedding dress size I want.
I'm starting to think it's hopeless, that I'm destined to be around 220 for the rest of my life. Hopefully no more. It seems like my "efforts" only serve to keep me from gaining anymore, which certainly is a good thing, but I can't seem to stick to it for more than a day or two in a row. What gives?
I keep thinking back to those first few months on WW. I first started when I was an intern at a law firm between my 2nd and 3rd years in law school. I continued on through my first semester of my 3rd year, all the way to goal and lifetime. It took 6 months to go from 208 to 167. Now I'm at 220, and can't seem to MOVE. I don't know what's wrong. I've done all the things they say - recommit, do what you used to do, treat it like the first time, etc. But for whatever reason, I can't. I find excuses. Why was it so easy back then? Why was I able to make the "tough" choices every day, day in and day out?
Now that was in 2001, so I know my metabolism may have slowed a bit, turning 30 and all, but that really doesn't explain this. That's really just a cop out.
I don't have the answer. I feel like I've tried everything. Today is just a really tough day. I went shopping with Holly today at Dillards. They're having a big shoe sale and she wanted to go. While I was there, I walked through the misses department. This is such a tough time for me shopping-wise because I'm a 16. Now that is possibly the worst size to be shopping-wise. It's the top of the "regular" clothes and the bottom of the "plus-size" clothes. Translation - they never have my size. In the women's section, they always have 18W and bigger. In the missus section, I'm lucky to find a 14. In all the styles I looked at today I found 2 16's on the whole 2nd floor. No I didn't look at every rack, but I looked at a lot. So frustrating. One didn't fit, and the other (a white dress) made me look like a ginormous 50's house-wife. Not good.
So I left there trying to explain to the oh-so-skinny, I can wear anything, Holly, why I hate shopping. She doesn't get it, though she tries to be sympathetic.
That's the other thing. She's my matron of honor, and has been pressuring me to go wedding dress shopping for a month and made me commit to tomorrow. I'm totally dreading it. I know I will hate the way I look in any of them. I also know that I can't put it off forever and it doesn't look like I'm losing the weight as planned. Shocker. I really don't want to do it. I'm so excited about the wedding but really feel self conscious about the whole thing. I'd love to be where I was in law school when I felt so confident at 167 - a solid size 10, tall, thin. I let it all go and then some though. I really didn't appreciate it enough.
Grrr.
So this became a rant blog. You can see, now, why it's been almost 2 weeks since I've been on. No good progress to report. That said, I still need to do this. It's theraputic in many ways, even when I'm off track.
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