Recommitting...again.

MONDAY

At home morning weight: 215.6/Last WI: 220.4

Ok - so I'm a yo yo weight watcher. I admit it. I go through cycles and I'm really just trying to find a way to break it. As I said in my intro, I made lifetime in 2001. So I've DONE this. I've made it work before. Why can't I get back to that place. I've done all the things they've said - talk to your leader, try different foods, try different exercises. I just can't stay focused.

As par for the course - I broke from WW again. This time, however, I only took a month off, rather than 3-12 like before. I think part of that is just that I'm paying the "monthly" way so I get the little membership card in the mail and it reminds me I'm paying for something I'm not using. I'm cheap, so that doesn't fly.

Anyway. I'd been doing "ok" for a couple months - at least maintaining in my fluctuations, but I went to the casino again with my boyfriend and thought I'd gained when I came back, so didn't WI, course that just means you did gain and will gain again. I missed 4 weeks before last Thursday when I finally made myself face the music. Well the music sucked - I'd gained 6 lbs. I'm now down to a total loss of only 5.2 lbs since I started WW in July of last year. 8 months and 5lbs. Booo.

But I have to stay positive. I do know that had I not gone back it would only have gotten worse. So - here's my new theory. I'm going to *try* to blog more frequently. Get my thoughts out on paper and focus on what I need to do to get through this.
Also - I just booked my next incentive - a CRUISE. Now, I haven't been on a cruise since fall of 2004 with Chris (ex-fiance). I've been dying to go for a while and talked (or bullied, rather) Erik into going with me. So the cruise is December 1. That gives me 8 and 1/2 months. That's a long time. Ideally, I'd like to weigh 160 on the cruise. That's my ultimate goal (b/c that's what Erik weighs and I HATE weighing more than him). So - let's see 220-160 = 60 lbs. In 38 weeks. I need to average ~ 1.5lbs/week. Now - I said ideally. Realistically I'd be happy at 170 (167 being my lowest all time ever adult weight) for the cruise - so 220-170 = 50 lbs in 38 weeks or ~ 1.3lbs per week. Totally do able....IF I stay OP. That's the tough part. I can usually do 1 month or sometimes 2, but 8 consecutive OP weeks. Tough. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be able to wear a bikini then. I mean where else will you be able to wear a bikini in December?

Now - I also have another motivator. My birthday. Not just any birthday. My THIRTYIETH birthday. Boooooo. I'm so not looking forward to being 30! But - if all goes according to plan, I will be skinnier on my birthday.

Vast goals - huge plans - will I do it? I don't know. I know I'm supposed to say OF COURSE I WILL but I just can't muster it. All I can say is that I know I can do it, it's just whether I will. I know I want it, but do I want it bad enough. Time will tell.

On that note - plans for the day - work until about 4:00 or 4:30 - go to the gym after work, then come home. My friend Holly really wants me to go out with her tonight to play poker, but it's Erik's parent's last night in town and I should probably stay in and visit with them. I'll play it by ear. But at I will stay OP. I've used 20 points so far today for breakfast and lunch and snacks. (it's about 2:00 pm now) That leaves me 8 points for dinner + whatever I earn at the gym. I WILL stay w/in my points today.

Weigh in is Thursday. I weighed in last week at 220.4. In order to stay on track for the "cruise plan" I will have to lose at least 1.5 so I need to WI at 218.8 or lower. I believe that is entirely possible this week since it's my first week back committed. In fact I'm going to shoot for a 2+ lb loss this week, to help average out the tougher weeks down the road. *here's hoping*
Hope to blog again soon!