Feels Good

Official WI: 243.2
Morning WI: 237.8

Yesterday was good. I ate exactly what was allowed in my new "points range". Today I'm doing well so far. I've logged everything into weight watchers site and plan to keep up with it all week. I tried a new meeting last night that I won't be going back to, which is too bad because it's about 2 miles from my house. I just didn't like the vibe at all or the leader. There were only about 10 people there and I was the youngest by about 20 years. That would be ok, but the leader fancied herself a comedian but wasn't. She tried to get group participating and what she got was a lot of joking commentary. Like, when she asked what do you do when you need to find the motivation to continue- the response was: go eat a big meal then you'll feel really guilty. Um, no?

It almost felt like the people there weren't taking it seriously, which may have had to do a lot with the leader's style. Overall, it's just not for me.

That's ok, though because there is a WW center about 8 miles further from my house that has a lot of meetings to choose from, including a variety of leaders. I think I'm going to try the Thursday night at 7:00 meeting next week with the Friday morning at 8:30 being my fall back if I have to work late. I definitely need to go to meetings, I just need to find one that fits with me, my needs and my personality.

Busy means Bad

Unknown...going to official WI tonight or tomorrow.

My life has been CRAZY this last month or two. So busy. So tiring. So much.

Our party was great. We had lots of people over and lots of fun. After that, though, my life switched to high gear. Every major election cycle, I volunteer for this organization that recruits and dispatches hundreds of volunteers in Georgia. This year was our biggest yet with over 600 volunteers on the ground. So I've been crazy busy this last week. I didn't sleep much at all until Tuesday night, when I slept for 16 hours. Yes 16 hours. I went to bed at midnight on Tuesday (already having taken Wednesday off) and didn't get out of bed until 4:00 pm on Wednesday. And I still slept a full 8 hours last night as well. I haven't slept that much ever, not being sick. Just shows how exhausted I was from the week before. I literally worked 80 hours in 6 days. Exhausting.

So now I'm back to normal life and back to the effort of weight loss. After much personal debate, I've decided to go back to Weight Watchers. It's the only thing that's ever worked for me, so I'm going to try again. I haven't decided which meeting I'm going to go to, but I have decided not to go to the one at my work. As convenient as it is, I'm not a huge fan of the leader, and for me, the weight watchers journey has always been a relatively private thing. I don't feel as comfortable going to a big meeting at my office, however convenient it is. Odd, yes. But we have to do what works, right?

So there's a meeting near my house on Thursday nights at 6:30. The trouble is getting there by 6:30 will not always be easy. I'm going to try to go today and check it out. I don't know how I'll feel about it, but it's worth a try. There's lots of other choices, however, if that one doesn't work out.

So don't be surprised to see a crazy high number tomorrow. I've hit 240, which is sick, but that's why I'm doing this. I didn't get on the scale this morning, frankly because I forgot, but I'm sure it's somewhere near 240. Which means tonight at an official weigh in with clothes after eating during the day, I'll probably see 245 or so. The numbers are so high now they're almost meaningless. Which is even more scary.

I've got to do something about this now, or it will only get worse.

Another thing may be a factor in my weight loss attempt this time, but I don't know in what way. I just started back on the birth control pill. For most of my adult life I've been on Depo Provera - the shot - that has been shown to cause weight gain. I've always felt like I couldn't blame my weight gain on that, though because when I really tried, and did the right things, I could still lose weight. That said, however, I'm hoping that the transition to traditional pill birth control might make things easier. I'm not holding my breath, though - I don't know that it will make a measurable difference. But it is one thing to think about as I just started the pill on Sunday. We'll see what happens.

But - I'm going to try to keep blogging as I do this. Holiday seasons are the toughest, so I know I need to start now rather than wait until January when I'm at 260 or worse.

Off to a new start!

Preparing for a PARTY

235.0 (better, but so scary that that's "better"!)

This weekend was crazy busy but nice. On Saturday I worked at the local fair with Erik. He's a Kiwani's member and the put on the fair every year so the need volunteers to help sell tickets. It was fun to see all the people come out for it. I always loved the fair as a kid, so I think I'll always like it. I did ok on the fair food, only succumbing to one hotdog and some boiled peanuts. Erik of course had the elephant ears and a deep fried milky way (I did taste each but tried to limit my "sharing").

Saturday after the fair, we spent WAY too much money on a brand new living room set. Erik had an old couch and chair from about 10 years ago and I had a coffee table and end tables I got out of law school used. So we ended up getting a sectional sofa with nice coffee and end tables. All to be delivered on Thursday! So today's mission is to find a place/person to give our old stuff too. Surprisingly few non-profits will pick up furniture and we don't have a truck to haul it off in. I posted on Freecycle, though so hopefully someone will want it.

It all has to go by Saturday because we're having a party! I'm so excited. Since the wedding Erik, Holly & I have been eager to have another get together. We have a ton of liquor and wine left over from the wedding and we got a kegerator for a wedding present (funny I know - we registered for it on a whim and Holly got a bunch of people to chip in to get it for us!). So we're getting a keg, grilling out burgers and dogs and drinking up the remaining liquor and wine (hopefully). Of course there will be poker, football and wii going on as well! AND we're going to try out our fire pit for the first time.

Have I mentioned I love living in the south - it's still 70-80 out every day these days. As long as it doesn't rain we should be able to have a good indoor/outdoor party!

So my other mission today was to find a place to fill our CO2 tank that came with the kegerator. I had NO idea where to do that. After some googling, I found a place called Airgas about 10 miles from home that will swap mine for theirs. I'll head out there probably Wednesday morning to do that. HOpefully it will work. What an odd thing to track down - CO2. Oh well - our kegerator is cool and SO worth it.

So Sunday consisted of church, then errands. We made 3 drops at goodwill of old stuff that's been collecting in the garage, which REALLY made a difference in how the garage looks. Then Erik set up the kegerator, I went shopping for party stuff, and returned a bunch of wedding stuff that was broken/unwanted. Very productive day but Exhausting!

Oh well, lots going on. I did not hit the treadmill as planned this weekend and though I wish I had, I did get a good bit of exercise running around all weekend. And we didn't really think about food much so that kept me from over-eating. Here's to the scale continuing to go down!

One Day at a time

235.8 (better)

Ok, so one day down back on the wagon and it feels good. I logged everything yesterday, for the first time in, oh, say 6 months! And i went over a bit. I'm supposed to eat like 1770 max calories and I had 1880. But I burned more than double my target calories so I call it a wash. Not bad for day one. Need to still get things lower, but it's a start and the scale rewarded me with a marginally less depressing number this morning. (Still absurd, however).

So yesterday I hit our firm gym at lunch - a first. I've never done a lunch work out here, but I really liked it. It's a small but really well equiped gym with a great locker room - meaning they have lockers with keys they provide you (don't have to bring your own lock), they provide towel service, the showers have shampoo, conditioner and soap already in them, and the provide hair dryers, flat irons, curling irons, hairspray, lotion, mouthwash, etc. Very nice. I got in and out, with a shower yesterday in just over an hour including 35 mins on the treadmill. I plan to do a little bit more today. If I could get this into a habit, I'd really see some results I think. And, it keeps me from spending too much on going out to lunch with Holly every day.

So, things are back on track. The only negative in my life right now is work. I have a lot of things to do but simply cannot get motivated to do them. I spend way too much time on facebook and myspace and blogs at work. REally bad. Particularly in this market when I'm lucky to have such a great job. Need to improve on that.

Otherwise, doing well! Amazing how a day on track can really make you feel better about life.

Frustration

237.2 Yes. that is not a typo.

I didn't want to write it. I didn't want to see it and I don't want to admit it. After about 4 days off the scales I braved it this morning and the above was my reward. Or punishment rather. Really? Really? I'm in awe and amazement. I cannot believe how absurdly easy it is to gain weight. And no, I haven't been exactly counting calories, but I have been concious of my eating. You know how some days/weeks/ months you just don't care so don't worry about it and don't think about it. I'm not even there, yet the scale keeps climbing higher and higher.

Today a funny situation has brought it all into perspective. I was updating my quicken this morning, looking at recent charges on my amex and found a shockingly wrong charge. Earlier this week, in a moment of weakness, I was craving Taco Bell. So I went there and spent $7.27. If you know taco bell at all you know $7.27 buys a ridiculous amount of food. So yes, I binged. But I paid for it. Multiple times it seems. Today when I saw that charge, I was like - yes, that's right. But the very next charge was for Taco Bell, same day for $72.27. Um. NO. I binged, but I did not eat $72 dollars worth of tacos and chalupas. Now if Amex were to put me on a scale they may beg to differ.

So anyway, I called and disputed the charge and thankfully had the receipt for the proper charge, which they said would make things easier. The woman laughed when I told her there was no way I was eating $72 dollars worth of taco bell. But in reality - this is a good crazy sign. I mean no, I didn't go that overboard, but yes I have gone overboard. And it's time to get it in check.

I've not been quite as bad in the exercise department. I hit the gym on Friday and my own treadmill on Saturday and WILL be going today. But none of the exercises have been as long as I used to be able to go, so not burning as many calories. I know - it will take time. But at least I'm going. That's the first step.

Next is to be HONEST with what I'm putting in my mouth. I said I've been conscious of what I'm eating, but we all know that when we 'guesstimate' we often get it wrong - very wrong. So, starting today I'm back on sparkpeople, logging my calories. I had hoped to be under 220 by Oct. 1. Obviously that failed. New goal - back to 225 by Sept. 1. Ambitious goal, but there it is.

The other thing I've been thinking about (in a self pitious way) is how easy it is for some people to simply maintain their weight. I cannot. If I'm not trying I'm gaining. My husband has been a perfectly healthy 165 since the day I met him. He goes up or down a few pounds depending on the time of year (holidays vs. summertime) but generally there he is. he fits in the jeans he wore 15 years ago. Absurd. Why is it so easy for him?

I know genetics has a lot to do with it along with habits and cravings. But DAMN it sucks.

Oh well, I am who I am and have to deal with my body, my habits, and my cravings. It's just so hard sometimes.

Passive Agressive Much?

234.0 (oops.)

So, this morning a funny thing happened when I got to work. I had been working on a pleading that needed to be filed today, and on my desk my federal rules book was open in the center of my desk. When I got in on top of the open rule book was a mailing from Lane Bryant that had a coupon in it. It's one of these folded coupon fliers you get in the mail if you're on their mailing list. I thought it odd that it just arrived on my desk, they don't have my home address, certainly not my work address, so it couldn't have come to me. I flipped it over, and the name and address had been blacked out with sharpie then whited out over that. Odd.

So, somebody decided I likely shopped at lane bryant, which isn't a bad assumption, I'm actually a size 16, which is right on the border, so generally I don't, but it's not inconceivable. But the really odd thing is that this someone was embarrassed enough that the flier was sent to them to black out their name AND not put a note on it saying who it was from.

Now, with any other coupon, gift card, etc., if you're going to give it to someone who you think might use it, you'd typically want to get credit for your nice gesture. Say I don't shop at IKEA but I know my colleague does, and I get a coupon, I would give it to them overtly.

But because it's Lane Bryant - a "big" girl store, suddenly you don't want me to know? I'm more offended about that than the fact that this somebody though I was big enough to shop there - as I said, I'm close. Very passive aggressive if you ask me. Then I get to thinking, maybe it's not a generous thing where the giver is just embarrassed. Maybe it's a veiled insult. Maybe this somebody is saying "hey we know your fat, and by the way you need better clothes". Maybe? Seeing how they don't want to reveal their name.

So curiosity got the best of me. I scrapped off the white out with my fingernail and then wet the paper a bit to smudge the sharpie black out to reveal the name....

My secretary.

Odd. I don't know how to take this. I don't have the best relationship with my secretary. We don't argue but I think she's not so good at her job and have actually considered asking to be reassigned. I've never directly called her out, but my frustration is clear when she messes something up. So this could go either way. Either she got it, and was trying to be nice but was embarrassed that she got it, or she's being VERY passive aggressively insulting.

My friend who is also a secretary here says I should email her a note that just says "Hey - thanks for the coupon, but I don't shop there. Let me know if there's someone else you know that might be able to use it." Sort of passive aggressive back. My thought is to just let it go.

Could use some input on this one. I actually think it's pretty hilarious, myself.

Ear Infection, and Vegas!

233.2

Yesterday morning sucked. Monday night as I was going to bed, my right ear was feeling clogged a bit. I have this problem occasionally with wax build up (gross I know) mostly because I sleep with ear plugs every night. So anyway, I decided to do the "ear wax removal" treatment. It's basically these drops you put in your ear that break up the wax. You keep your head tilted for a couple minutes then let it drain out. It worked fine, and then I went to bed feeling better.

Until 6:00 am.

When I woke up with that ear KILLING me. Serious sharp pains. Really odd. I tried to go back to bed and couldn't. Finally I got up and headed to my doctor sure that I had an ear infection. I got a prescription for antibiotics then went back to bed. I took an old Tylenol w/codine I had from my Lasik surgery and slept it off. When I woke up a few hours later, my ear didn't hurt anymore, but I'd already called in sick, so decided to work the rest of the day from home. It was nice, I got a good bit done, and also caught up on my TiVo'd shows.

So I didn't get a workout in yesterday despite not having a good excuse to avoid it. But today I WILL. I have my gym bag, including socks! I'm heading there right after work. Which is pretty crucial since I fly out to Vegas tomorrow and won't have another opportunity to hit the gym.

Yes, I could use the gym at the hotel, but in Vegas they actually charge you to use their gym, and lets be honest, am I going to work out in Vegas? Nope. The best I can hope for is to minimize the over-indulgence food/alcohol wise. So that will be my goal. Try to avoid the buffets, if I do go to a buffet (hey - that's usually what they're willing to comp you on) I'll load up on lots of veggies, and I'll limit my alcohol. That's the plan.

The exciting thing is that Erik is already out there and played a poker tournament last night that he won, to the tune of $1400 profit. Very nice. So we have some gambling money now and might, shocker of shockers, come home up, or at least not down. That would be a first. :-)

So my moderation thing is going ok. No, I've not seen a loss on the scale yet, but I've stopped the gaining. I made good choices yesterday and I'm going to the gym today. Ideally when I get back from Vegas I'll be right where I am now. That would be a success, for sure.

I watched the Biggest Loser last night (don't worry no spoilers) and I love that show. I love how it makes me feel motivated. It makes me commiserate with others who are dealing with weight loss and how hard it is. And it makes me realize how hard I'm NOT working - I mean Bob and Jillian KILL those people during their work outs. Makes me want to get out there any try - which is what I will do this evening!