To go or Not to go ... to the Casino.

At home weight: 213.8/Last WI: 216.2

THURSDAY

Well, I missed a couple days of update. Tuesday was busy and yesterday I was just lazy. As for WW days, I was very good Monday. Erik had his son Monday and Tuesday this week,. so we had a quiet night at home. I didn't get to the gym, but only ate 27 points so that was good. Tuesday was another quiet day at home. Another day I didn't exercise, but I did use a few flex points. I want to vary my days 'a la' wendie plan. So Tuesday I had 46 points.

That leaves yesterday where I was VERY good. I had a balance bar for breakfast (4 pts) some soup (4 pts) and popcorn (2 pts) for lunch, some light chips (3 pts) for a snack, and a large salad (10 pts) for dinner. That's only 24 points. And I went 5 miles outside for 7 AP. Thus the low weight on the scale this morning.

I was very happy with my 5 mile run/walk yesterday. Last week when I tried that route, I ran a total of 28 minutes and walked a total of 35 minutes. This time I ran 34 minutes and walked 26 minutes - shaving a total of 3 minutes off the total time, and running 6 more minutes. I'm getting stronger. My goal is to run this very hilly route, straight through, by the end of the summer. I think I can do it and I'll be a lot stronger if I can. Maybe I'll even get it up to 6 miles.

So I have WI today, which means I'm chugging water and diet coke until about 12:30 then I cut it off for my 5:00 pm weigh in.

This weekend's plans are up in the air. Erik and I have reservations in Biloxi for the weekend with tickets to a Chris Cagle concert and a bull riding competition on Friday and Saturday repsectively. We're really not sure if we're going yet, as neither of us can afford it really, but we really like going. I haven't been to Biloxi since Katrina, and I'd really like to go. I know financially I shouldn't, but I really want to! Hopefully I can talk Erik into it.

Today I had an 8 pt breakfast. I usually have a larger one on WI day b/c it has to last me through lunch, but I just wasn't that hungry this morning. I might have some popcorn before lunch so I don't get too starving before WI, but I'm worried about the sodium and retaining water. We'll see.

Hope to see a good loss today!

Poker Frustration Used for Exercise

At home weight: 214.8/Last WI: 216.2

MONDAY

Yesterday was a very nice day at home with the boys for the first part of the day. Then Erik and I were scheduled to play a poker tournament at a friends house. This tournament has been a bi-weekly thing for a few months, so we really know the people we play with. Well, we went there and the game started about 4:30. We had 7 players, which is about typcial. I was doing ok through the evening until about 8:00 when I just started getting the WORST beats of my life. I would go into a hand a huge favorite and get sucked out on - usually by the same exact player. It got so bad, at one point, I was dealt pocket aces, and I raised. This guy who'd been "lucking" out on me all night, re-raised all in. Of course I called and was a HUGE favorite against his AK off-suit. I looked it up today and I was 92% to win, 1.25% to tie and 6.75% to lose. Yet, against him I was CONFIDENT I wouldn't win. And guess what? I didn't. We tied when K, Q, J, 10 came on the board. I mean - I couldn't have BEEN a bigger favorite.

I was so frustrated, I was out of the game shortly after. I really had no choice at that point, and think I played as well as I could. You just can't beat luck.

But - all of this has a WW moral. I was livid when I left there last night about 8:30 PM. I decided to take the anger out on the treadmill. So I went home, immediately changed into my workout clothes, and headed to the gym. I did 30 minutes and 3 miles on the treadmill. Why is it I can run for 3 miles straight on the treadmill, but not at home? Weird. Anyway - by the end, I accepted that it was just a poker game, and although it was for $, it didn't break the bank and I usually do really well in that group, so loss was to be expected sometime. Very frustrating, but at least I turned it into a constructive workout.

So I ended up doing 5 miles on Saturday and 3 miles yesterday. Pretty good considering I only made it to the gym once last week.

Erik and I are supposed to go to Biloxi this weekend to the casinos. We're really thinking about canceling and just staying home. We booked it after we got a flyer in the mail offering us a free room for 2 nights, + tickets to see Chris Cagle, + tickets to a bull riding event. I thought it would be fun, and still do, but we really can't afford it. I don't know, I'm still torn. I want to go to the concert and show, but know that I'll spend major $ gambling. I just can't decide.

Points wise was ok yesterday. I had a VERY low day on Saturday eating only 26 of my 28 points and earning 7 AP. So I was planning on having a semi-high day yesterday. I ended up eating all my 5 AP + 12 flex points. But that's ok b/c I hadn't used any this week (week starts on Friday) and I still have 23 remaining for Monday -Thursday. I don't plan to eat any tonight. I want to have a low point day. I'm planning on eating just my 28 points possibly any AP I earn. I'm going to try to exercise today after work - maybe walk/run my 3 mile route near the house. I'm a little sore though from 2 days in a row (after slacking so much lately). We'll see. So far, I've had a 6 pt breakfast and 2 pt snack. So - I still have 20 pts for the day. I'm thinking about Applebees for lunch. I kinda want to get out of the office for a bit.

On the job interview. I haven't heard from them today (it's about noon). I figured that if I got the job, I'd hear today, but if they didn't want me I'd get a letter in a couple days/week or so.

We'll see.

Map your Running Routes!

At home weight: 215/Last WI 216.2

SUNDAY

Yesterday after my update I was SO good. I got my booty off the couch and got stuff done. Including a 5 mile walk/run. I found this awesome website sponsored by USA Track & Field that allows you to map routes in your own neighborhood. (http://www.usatf.org/routes/map/) That way you can find 2, 3, 5, or more mile routes near you without having to drive around for hours. It also shows the eleation changes so you know if you're picking a hilly route or not. It's awesome. I've used it to find great 3 and 5 mile routes near my house. I did the 5 mile yesterday, and in the spirit of my previous entry (Permission to Fail) I only promised myself that I would complete it. Not that I would run a certain amount of it. So basically I ended up running the flat and downhill portions and walking the uphill portions. It's a very hilly route. In total it took me 1:02:45 minutes to complete the five miles. I worked out to be about 28:30 minutes running and 34:15 minutes walking. Not bad for my first go at it. I'm going to set a goal of running the entire thing by the end of the summer. It would be a great accomplishment b/c it is SO hilly. I know it will make me a lot stronger to be able to do this.

After my run and a bunch of housework, I made dinner for the boys, and it was very nice. Overall points-wise yesterday I ate all my target points (28) and none of my AP. That's why the scale was so friendly this morning. :-)

Today has gone well so far. I had a 6 pt breakfast, 4 pt snack and 6 pt lunch. I'm thinking about trying my 5 mile route again today, though I may just stick with the 3 mile one. I feel good, but don't want to push it too fast. Erik and I are playing a poker game this afternoon about 4:00 so I need to get moving if I want to get that run in. :-)

Here's to another great OP day!

Job Interview

At home weight: 216.4/Last WI 216.2

SATURDAY

Well, I missed a couple days of updating. Wednesday night was quiet. I didn't go work out like I should have, but I ate well, knowing WI was on Thursday.

Thursady at work was busy. I did my typcial WI day procedure - ate a big breakfast, wore my WI clothes, and didn't eat or drink after 1:00 until after WI. At WI, I lost only 0.8 lbs. I was hoping for more, but considering two days of binging on food and alcohol, I'm happy with the loss.

As usually, Thursday night I "celebrated" and let myself drink/eat what I wanted for one evening. I was fun. I really need my one day of release each week, to be able to make it through another one. We went to Y-knots and played poker and hung out with friends. They installed a pool table recently there which I LOVE. I used to play a lot of pool before I got into poker. I miss it and hate that I've let myself go so long and lost a lot of the skill I had. I actually used to be pretty good.

Anyway, on to the title of the entry. Currently I work as a felony prosecutor for a district attorney's office in Georgia (I'm called an ADA - assistant district attorney). I've been here a little over 2 years and really like my job. However, last week, another ADA told me that the Atlanta US attorney's office was hiring federal prosecutors. In my profession, a position at the US attorney's office is a highly prestigious, highly coveted position. If I got a job there, it would open a lot of doors later on down the road. My friend (the other ADA) decided he didn't want to apply but encouraged me to do so. I sent out my cover letter, resume, and writing sample last friday, fully not expecting anything b/c I'm still a pretty new attorney. I've only been practicing for just under 5 years, so I figured I'd have some very stiff competition.

Well, Thursday, I got a call saying the wanted me to come in for an interview Friday. So I did. Yesterday afternoon, I drove down to Atlanta, and met with 5 AUSA's (Assistant US Attorneys) that comprised the hiring committee for the Atlanta office. I think things went ok, but not great. It's tough being interviewed by 5 people. I was also a little nervous. Usually I do really well in interviews, and I don't really think I did bad, but I certainly didn't do my best I don't think.

Either way, as I said before, I think I'm on the low side of their minimum qualifications, so I really don't expect to get the job. I know they interviewed a number of other people that same day. I'm also completely ok with staying at my current job. I really do like it and would only leave for just this position. So - my thoughts are whatever is meant to be will be. I'm thrilled to have had the opportunity to interview. I was a great learning experience, and an ego boost just to be considered. So, well just wait and see.

WW-wise, I'm going to do well this week. I'm sure of it. I've been doing great at journaling and am on day 16 of my 84 day challenge. Of course there have been a couple days where I was really bad, BUT it is in the book. I wrote it down, and it got me back on track.

Today Erik has his son, Daniel. Actually I'm watching him now, as Erik had a republican party meeting this morning. We're sitting watching Ben 10 - a weird little cartoon about a boy that can turn into 10+ different aliens. Daniel loves it though, so hey - who knows.

I'm going to go for a 5 mile walk/run today. I've already mapped it out in the neighborhood. If I walk some or even most of it, that's ok, I'm still going to get through it! It looks llike it's going to be a beautiful day. So when Erik gets back, it's out the door I go. Meanwhile - time for some quality time with the munchkin. Hopefully I can drag him away from the TV!

Permission to Fail

At home weight: 215.4/Last WI: 217

WEDNESDAY

Last night was another good night WW-wise and willpower wise. I got home from work about 5:30 - once again could NOT get motivated immediately to go to the gym but had planned to do so later that evening after Erik got home. Well, he got home about 6:30. He had a Kiwanis meeting that night so I fully planned for us to stay home, veg and hopefully get the motivation to go to the gym. But - when Erik gets home he says he wants to skip out early from his meeting and go play poker again. So we did. I have no ability to say no to that man. :-)

We went out to Chaps again (same as last Tuesday). And AGAIN I did not drink. (yeah!) This time, I was going to forgo the prime rib sandwich (my favorite) and try to get something healthier. I ordered the salmon dinner that came with mashed potatoes and veggies and a salad. I counted the salad as 2 pts (a little dressing and shredded cheese) the veggies as 2 (would be 0 but for the oil I didn't know it came in) the mashed potatos as 2 (had about half the serving) and the salmon as 9. 9 points for salmon? I didn't know it was that bad, but when I got home I checked it out on E-tools. It said one "fillet" was 9 pts. I thought - ok so maybe a fillet is a lot. So I estimated the oz. The entree came with two pieces I would estimate to be between 4-5 oz each. I ate 1 and 1/2 pieces. So I'm guessing about 7 oz. When I plugged 7 oz of salmon into e-tools, I got 8.5 pts. GRRRR. Ok - so I counted it as 9. Put me over by a little for the day, but I'm sure it's still healthier than having a burger, right?

Erik drank again (as I was DD since I'm so OP!) but didn't go as overboard as last week. We had a good time, even though neither of us made the final table of the poker tournament. Got home at about 10:00 and watched recorded Idol and totally passed when he popped popcorn and offered to share.

So this morning's weight is exactly what I was at last Thursday before WI. Now I've got one more day to get it lower. So - I'm really trying today. I had 5 pts for breakfasts (balance bar) and 8 pts for lunch (Cambell's Chunky Soup, Wow chips, and a snack of popcorn). That leaves me 15 pts for tonight. I know we're supposed to, but I'm going to try not to eat them all. I'm going to shoot for only 9 pts at dinner and going to the gym. Basically a "super low day" a la Wendie Plan. :-)

I REALLY want to WI tomorrow at 215.4 or lower. I want my 1.5lbs/ week. I was so bad on Thursday and Friday last week, but really have been totally OP since. I've gone a little over my target points a couple times this week, but not counting friday have only used 12 WPA. That's good for me. It's the exercise that I've sucked at. I haven't done any since last Wednesday. So - today I'm going to the gym (not fooling myself about running in the neighborhood) and trying to get 5+ AP.

On other matters, things are going well. We had arraignments today. Basically, the Defendants on our trial calendar are paraded through and plead not guilty. Pretty routine, but I did have to wear a suit. :-) I got to wear a new shirt today though b/c I went shopping yesterday. I know it's so ghetto, but I totally went clothes shopping at Wal-Mart yesterday. I usually don't buy clothes there, but I'm totally determined to do this WW thing this time and don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes this time. So I spent $150 at walmart, but got like 10 blouses/shirts, etc.

Tonight is definitely a night in. Erik has his 4 yr old son for the night so no risk of last minute plans. If I can just follow through with my plan to go to the gym, all will be good!

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UPDATE (Later on Wednesday)

I DID IT! I went to the gym finally. I've decided to that the key to success with this weight loss journey is to give myself permission to fail. I'm one of those people that want to be the best at what I do. Always. I hate failing, and hate not doing something really well. The first time I did WW, I totally kicked butt. Of course I had days off program, but I basically lost just about every week. I hit goal - losing almost 50 lbs after just 6 months. I've tried repeatedly to get back there after a few years off and gaining but I've been unable to. I think part of the reason I've been unable to get back down to goal is because I'm demanding that same success that I had the first time. When I don't get it I give up.

So - I've lowered my standards. I know that sounds horrible, but I think it's what's best. How does this all tie to the fact that I went to the gym? Well that's one area I've given myself permssion to fail. For the longest time I though that if I wanted to call myself a "runner" I couldn't walk. Walking was "failure". So, when I go to the gym and can't run like I used to, or just have a bad day, I consider it a "failure" and quit early. Today, I didn't want to go to the gym (like every day!) but I decided I'd go and just do what I could. I got on the treadmill, hoping to RUN 6 miles. I run about 10 minute miles, a little slower right now, so I can usually just about 6 miles in 60 minutes. Well, not surprisingly, after abut 1.5 miles, I had a horrible stomache cramp. I think I drank too much water prepping for the run. I had to stop and walk a bit. So - I forgave myself and allowed my self to walk ("fail"). I decided I was going to do my 60 minutes and just do the best I could. I walked a bit, ran a bit, walked a bit, etc. until I finished the 60 minutes. I ended up doing 4.5 miles in 60 minutes. Not the 6 miles I'd hoped for, but I did finish and burned ~ 700 calories. Not bad at all. Usually I run as far as I can - about 3 miles usually - and then quit. That's about a 30 minute workout, burning ~ 500 calories. So, by allowing myself to "fail" I actually got more out of it.

I take this attitude toward journalling as well. Before, if I had an "off" program day, I wouldn't journal. If I went out and got drunk, I wouldn't even try to estimate the points. So - I've decided that it doesn't matter if I "fail" in the sense of staying OP every day. It's more important that I get it down on paper. By journalling, my "failure" doesn't last as long. I see the damage I've done and I get back on track faster. So, now when I have an off day, it still goes in the book. For instance, on Friday we had the party. I had to do a LOT of estimating because I got pretty drunk that night. My estimates are probably not exactly accurate and the picture was prettu ugly (33 pts over for the day!) but it's in the book. And it made my really focus the rest of this week.

So - tonight I made it to the gym. After that I came home and ate all but 3 of my remaining points for the day. I'm not sure if I'll use them tonight on popcorn/snacks, but I'm still happy with today. I'm definitely not eating any of my AP.

Overall a good day. If by some fluky craziness, I don't lose tomorrow, I'm still happy with this week. Also - this weekend looks good. Erik has his son (Daniel) so we have a 4 year old in the house all weekend. I'm hoping I'll just decide to stay home all weekend, get some exercise, and some quality time with Erik and Daniel. That'll keep me good. I expect to splurge a little bit tomorrow night, but I'm going to try not to go too crazy, so as not to destroy all this week's progress.

Update on cruise goal - still on track! So long as I WI at 217.5 or lower (217.5 would be a gain) I'm on track for my 1.5lbs/week to get to goal and below by cruise time in Dec. :-)

Personal Journal Challenge (one whole 12 journal book full of journaling every day): Day 13 of 84!

Prelims

At home weight: 216/Last WI 217

TUESDAY

Ok, so I had to be in Prelims today so I had to get up early. Prelims are Preliminary Hearings. They're held once a week at the jail with a magistrate judge. They usually last most of the morning, and basically we have to convice the judge that various people in jail are there for good reason. It's usually moderately interesting, good to get out of the office, and helpful to get to know our police officers. Today I learned a major lesson. I have one officer that any case he makes, I have GOT to plea. I mean he's an absolute moron. He testified today in two hearings and I'm surprised we didn't get them dismissed right there (something that very rarely occurs). He tells what happens by saying "this white male talked to another white male and referenced a black female and he said that he and her were going with them to the store.". Hello? Names would be helpful here to know who he and him an her and them are. It was like pulling teeth getting enough facts out for both myself, the defense attorney and the judge to have any idea what happened. Frustrating! Fortunately, most of his cases are going to be assigned to Gail, another attorney in the DA's office, due to the nature of the charges. But please tell me how he became and investigator? Sheesh!

On another note, I had a WONDERFUL night last night WW-food-wise. Not so much WW exercise wise as I was really going to go to the gym, and then I was just going to run at home, and then I just did nothing. :-( But - Monday's are are usual night to go out to Y-knots for beer and poker. I'm usually DD on Monday (Erik is DD on Thursday after my WI). But I still usually have a couple beers or some munchies or something. See the problem is that for the "free" poker game, you get 800 starting chips. But if you spend $10 or more at the bar, you get an additional 500 in chips. So - we usually try to spend some money b/c it makes a difference in your play. But last night Erik agreed to drink Gin (big sacrifice for him...lol) and order an appitizer to get us over the hump - or close to it. Knowing the bartenders and tiping well helps. SO - just diet coke for me! :-)

Today I want to desparately find the motivation to go to the gym or run outside. It's getting nice out and I LOVE summer so I'm excited.

Hoping for another OP day - wish me luck!

Personal journal challenge: 12/84 days journaling and counting!

First Week a Success! Can I Make It Two in a Row?

At home weight: 216.6/Last WI: 217 (yipee!)

MONDAY:

Well - I did WI on Thursday and was so excited to lose 3.4lbs! Now, that huge loss is tempered by the prior week's 6lb gain after a month off, BUT at least I lost over half of it in one week! I'm not going to delude myself into thinking that type of loss is going to continue, but I am going to shoot for a 1.5lbs loss this week.

Unfortunately, this weekend was not a great start in that department. Thursday after WI, I went out with DBF to Y-Knots - our common hang out for poker and party. It was his turn to drive, so I totally went overboard on the alcohol. I would guess I had 5-6 beers and 2-3 jager shots. But it was so fun.

Then came friday - we had this St. Patty's day party planned. I knew I was going to drink a lot, so I had a light lunch and dinner. Then of course the debauchery began. I'm estimating my drinking/munchies points at 40. Way overboard and unfortunately, that made 2 days in a row of indulgence. BUT - back on the wagon Saturday. I didn't drink at all on the actual St. Patty's day - funny huh? I'd agreed to deal a poker tournament/cash game for a friend, so I was pretty busy all day and ended up under on points by 1. I think that's ok though considering the prior two days. :-)

Yesterday was another day of poker - this time I was playing. I had a healthy lunch (sub) and we went to longhorn for dinner. I was pretty good, but couldn't pass up on the steak. I had one small slice of bread, a salad and an 11 oz strip steak w/veggies (no potato). So all in all, not bad. I ended up over about 9 pts over all yesterday after some snacks at night with a movie at home. Not bad though.

This morning's WI of 216 is actually good as I got as high as 219 at home on Saturday morning after my 2 days of partying. I'm planning on going to the gym today. My goal is a strick 28 point day and no eating of AP I earn! I can do this!