Passive Agressive Much?

234.0 (oops.)

So, this morning a funny thing happened when I got to work. I had been working on a pleading that needed to be filed today, and on my desk my federal rules book was open in the center of my desk. When I got in on top of the open rule book was a mailing from Lane Bryant that had a coupon in it. It's one of these folded coupon fliers you get in the mail if you're on their mailing list. I thought it odd that it just arrived on my desk, they don't have my home address, certainly not my work address, so it couldn't have come to me. I flipped it over, and the name and address had been blacked out with sharpie then whited out over that. Odd.

So, somebody decided I likely shopped at lane bryant, which isn't a bad assumption, I'm actually a size 16, which is right on the border, so generally I don't, but it's not inconceivable. But the really odd thing is that this someone was embarrassed enough that the flier was sent to them to black out their name AND not put a note on it saying who it was from.

Now, with any other coupon, gift card, etc., if you're going to give it to someone who you think might use it, you'd typically want to get credit for your nice gesture. Say I don't shop at IKEA but I know my colleague does, and I get a coupon, I would give it to them overtly.

But because it's Lane Bryant - a "big" girl store, suddenly you don't want me to know? I'm more offended about that than the fact that this somebody though I was big enough to shop there - as I said, I'm close. Very passive aggressive if you ask me. Then I get to thinking, maybe it's not a generous thing where the giver is just embarrassed. Maybe it's a veiled insult. Maybe this somebody is saying "hey we know your fat, and by the way you need better clothes". Maybe? Seeing how they don't want to reveal their name.

So curiosity got the best of me. I scrapped off the white out with my fingernail and then wet the paper a bit to smudge the sharpie black out to reveal the name....

My secretary.

Odd. I don't know how to take this. I don't have the best relationship with my secretary. We don't argue but I think she's not so good at her job and have actually considered asking to be reassigned. I've never directly called her out, but my frustration is clear when she messes something up. So this could go either way. Either she got it, and was trying to be nice but was embarrassed that she got it, or she's being VERY passive aggressively insulting.

My friend who is also a secretary here says I should email her a note that just says "Hey - thanks for the coupon, but I don't shop there. Let me know if there's someone else you know that might be able to use it." Sort of passive aggressive back. My thought is to just let it go.

Could use some input on this one. I actually think it's pretty hilarious, myself.

Ear Infection, and Vegas!

233.2

Yesterday morning sucked. Monday night as I was going to bed, my right ear was feeling clogged a bit. I have this problem occasionally with wax build up (gross I know) mostly because I sleep with ear plugs every night. So anyway, I decided to do the "ear wax removal" treatment. It's basically these drops you put in your ear that break up the wax. You keep your head tilted for a couple minutes then let it drain out. It worked fine, and then I went to bed feeling better.

Until 6:00 am.

When I woke up with that ear KILLING me. Serious sharp pains. Really odd. I tried to go back to bed and couldn't. Finally I got up and headed to my doctor sure that I had an ear infection. I got a prescription for antibiotics then went back to bed. I took an old Tylenol w/codine I had from my Lasik surgery and slept it off. When I woke up a few hours later, my ear didn't hurt anymore, but I'd already called in sick, so decided to work the rest of the day from home. It was nice, I got a good bit done, and also caught up on my TiVo'd shows.

So I didn't get a workout in yesterday despite not having a good excuse to avoid it. But today I WILL. I have my gym bag, including socks! I'm heading there right after work. Which is pretty crucial since I fly out to Vegas tomorrow and won't have another opportunity to hit the gym.

Yes, I could use the gym at the hotel, but in Vegas they actually charge you to use their gym, and lets be honest, am I going to work out in Vegas? Nope. The best I can hope for is to minimize the over-indulgence food/alcohol wise. So that will be my goal. Try to avoid the buffets, if I do go to a buffet (hey - that's usually what they're willing to comp you on) I'll load up on lots of veggies, and I'll limit my alcohol. That's the plan.

The exciting thing is that Erik is already out there and played a poker tournament last night that he won, to the tune of $1400 profit. Very nice. So we have some gambling money now and might, shocker of shockers, come home up, or at least not down. That would be a first. :-)

So my moderation thing is going ok. No, I've not seen a loss on the scale yet, but I've stopped the gaining. I made good choices yesterday and I'm going to the gym today. Ideally when I get back from Vegas I'll be right where I am now. That would be a success, for sure.

I watched the Biggest Loser last night (don't worry no spoilers) and I love that show. I love how it makes me feel motivated. It makes me commiserate with others who are dealing with weight loss and how hard it is. And it makes me realize how hard I'm NOT working - I mean Bob and Jillian KILL those people during their work outs. Makes me want to get out there any try - which is what I will do this evening!

No Socks!

233.2 (weekend weight - as usual)

I actually had really nice weekend. Friday night we had the boys sleepover. It was fine, but I know I don't want to have twins! Daniels two friends were 5 year old boy twins, and although very sweet considering, they were a handful! Erik and I just shook our head so many times this weekend. Its such a change for us to have more than one in the house. When it's just Daniel, he's usually hanging out with us or playing x-box with his dad or watching a cartoon on TV. When it's the 3 of them it's LOUD crazy screaming children. I'm sure this is normal in houses with more than one child, but we've been spoiled. They are good kids though, so although it was different, it wasn't all that bad.

It also helped that I dipped out Friday night and played poker with friends, leaving Erik to put the 3 of them to bed.

Saturday we went to a parade just down the street from our house for our local "founder's day" celebration. It was nice and the kids got lots of candy. Saturday afternoon and evening was dedicated to football. Boy did it suck! FSU played HORRIBLY against Wake Forest. I was so disappointed. This was the first televised game they've had and it was miserable. Our two new quarterbacks threw a combined 5 interceptions! FIVE. So bad. So that sucked.

Sunday was church, nap, TV, etc. It was Erik's birthday but since he had to leave town today he was running around a lot and we only celebrated a bit at the end of the night.

Today Erik leaves for Vegas for a week long seminar. I fly out on Thursday to meet him and come home on Monday. I'm SO looking forward to this. I love Vegas and we go out usually once a year, usually in June. We haven't made it out this year due to the wedding, but I'm glad we still get to go. We're staying at Bally's which is right across the street from Bellagio - my favorite hotel just because of the fountains out front. I'm very excited.

So today I had GREAT plans to hit the gym after work. I packed my bag and everything. Then I got here and was getting the bag out of the car and realized I forgot my socks. GRRRR. Now I can do weight training maybe without socks, but I definitely should not hit the treadmill without socks. That's the fastest way to a blister that would keep me off it for a week or more. So I'm mad at myself because I know I'm not motivated enough to work out at home, so I need this "at work" trip to keep me going.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I'll hit it then for sure.

Oh and by the way? Thank you notes suck. I've been dreading and procrastinating for weeks now, and it's getting bad. I need to get them out this week or it just looks really bad. I've only got about 35 or 40 to do - way less than the invitations I had to do - but I'm just dragging my feet for some reason. I will knock out at least half of them today. I swear!

Life as a "step-mom"

So, getting married 2 weeks ago made me more than a wife. I'm also now a Step Mom to Erik's 5 year old son. He was married before and had a child with her. Now she lives in the next town over, and they share custody. He gets Daniel every other weekend and every Wednesday. It's been this way since I met him so its nothing new. But the "title" is new. I was always just "Cindy". Now I'm Stepmom Cindy. Odd.

About 2 months ago I had a conversation with Daniel about it and said something to the effect of, you know when we get married, I'm going to be your "stepmom" but you can still call me Cindy. He said, no I'll call you "mom". I think it was just a spontaneous thing he said, but wasn't what I was going for. His mom is very cool in many respects and has never made me feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in his life. That said, he is her world, and I do NOT feel like she would welcome him calling me mom. I don't need that and don't have any desire to cause strife in his or her life. So we'll see - so far, he hasn't called me anything but Cindy but we'll see.

He's too cute, by the way, here's a couple pictures from our wedding:

In the first one he has one of the chair sashes on his head, in the second one he had to take off his shirt because someone spilled beer on it, so he put the vest back on anyway. So funny.

Anyway, tonight we are having our first "sleepover". Erik is picking up Daniel and two of his friends to spend the night. I think it's going to be fun, but it's a first for us, so I think its sweet. Tomorrow our town is having a parade for "founders day" so we're going to take the boys there. I'm sure by the time that's over, I'll be done being a step mom and be glad to ship the extra two 5 year olds off. :-)

It's weird being a mom even if it's only a "step" mom.

First Run a Success

232.4 (up, but am sore so I'll blame it on that).

I did it. I got back to the gym. I had to do all the stuff you do at a new gym - figure out where the lockers where, how the towel service worked, where everything is located. But, I did all that and then I got on the treadmill. And Ran. I ended up doing week 4 of the C25K program. Essentially I did a 5 minute warm-up walk, ran 1/4 mile, walked 1/8 mile, ran 1/2 mile, walked 1/4 mile, ran 1/4 mile, walked 1/8 mile, ran 1/2 mile, walked 1/2 mile. Ultimately I ended a little over 2.5 miles, in about 33:00 minutes. Not bad. I burned about 400 calories, and am a little sore today but all that was to be expected.

I didn't hit the weights like I'd hoped. I'm always bad about motivation for weight training. But I didn't beat myself up about it because I did the most important thing - started again. So today I'm going back. I packed my gym bag, brought it to my office, and it's sitting in the corner of the room looking at me.

Last night I started thinking about things - I felt good that I'd ran again, but I was beating myself up for not eating right or drinking enough water that day. Then I realized that I can take this one step at a time. Always in my life when I decide to do something I do it 200%. I mean I go overboard and try to do it al at once. And I'm usually sucessful - for a time at least - until I burn out. This time I want to be ok with taking it slow.

I decided last night that today I'd work on eating better and drinking more water, with a goal of doing a little better each day. And sticking to the gym. I am going a little crazy in that department with plans to go every work day. I don't have to go for long, but I want to make myself go every night before I go home. I rarely have evening commitments that require me to be home at a particular time, so it shouldn't be a problem most of the time. Also, part of the reason I haven't been good about exercising on my own treadmill is that by the time I get home, I'm starving, and want to eat dinner. That's usually about 8:00 at night and I by the time I'm "digested" enough to feel comfortable exercising, it's bed time.

So this is a good solution. I work out right after work then I can go home and have dinner without guilt. And go to bed without guilt. I'll use my treadmill on the weekends, so it's not all a waste. That's the plan. Day 1 in the books. I'm going to shoot for getting under 230 by the end of the month. That should be really doable, but I'm going to set small goals this time around, and meet every one of them.

The Gym

231.6

Well, I did it. I re-signed up for the gym. Gym membership is a funny thing for me. I've always had one up until March of this year. I started being really good about exercise in law school when I first started weight watchers, and have always had a gym membership since. But when Erik and I bought a house and moved a town away from where my current membership was, I just let it lapse. I had gotten a treadmill from my dad and had built up my other exercise equipment for the house (weight bench, yoga stuff, jump rope, weights, balls etc.) such that I felt it was a waste of money to have a gym membership. But now I realize that all the equipment in the world is useless if you don't use it. Duh right?

Somehow paying for a membership is motivation in itself. And I'm fortunate that my firm has a gym in one of our two buildings that we can be a member of for only $42/month with no sign up fee. Not bad at all, so I did it. Yesterday I went in and signed up. And today I brought my gym bag and will be heading out there in a few minutes. I have to do this. I can't let everything go now just because I'm married. That is no excuse. No, I don't have to go "find a man" anymore, but I do have to like myself. And I always like myself better when I'm exercising, feeling healthy, and losing, rather than gaining, weight. So, back at it.

I've printed out the couch to 5K program and I'm going to see how I do tonight to gauge what week to start on. Before the wedding I was comfortably running 2-3 miles, but I know that stamina is gone and I'll have to build it up again. That's ok though. I'm going to set mini-goals, but there's no deadline here. This is my LIFE now. I need to be a healthy person. For myself, for my husband, and for the kids I plan to have not too long from now. Besides, trying to get pregnant after 30 will have it's own challenges, I don't need to add "excessively obese" to the list. I don't believe I'll ever be "skinny" again, but I can keep things status quo - or at least status quo from before the wedding (meaning drop ~10 lbs). I can do that, and I will do that. Starting today!

Boy I feel like a broken record ,and I'm sure it's no fun to read the same entry of 'back at it today, I swear' that I seem to write every month. But, again, this blog is for me. It's really more of a journal. I need to get down how I feel, what I'm thinking, before I have any hope to follow through. I'd love to have a few readers, and a couple comments now and then, but really I need this for me. So unfortunately that appears to mean a lot of repeat material. Sorry bout that.

So tonight at the gym - the plan is to do at least 20, hopefully 30 or more minutes on the treadmill then do some basic weight training. Get things started right, right?

2 Weeks Married

230.0 (believe me, that's actually good).

Well today I'm 2 weeks married. And I still like it. :-) That's good, right? We're settling back into our life, and nothing seems to different except I'm dealing with a lot of name change BS right now. Very frustrating. I'm hating it and hating it more that Erik doesn't have to deal with it. Boo. Oh well, it should all be a one time thing, at least. When I got my new driver's license, they asked me if I wanted to renew for 5 or 10 years (a cool option Georgia has) and I said, 10 for sure - I'm not planning on moving or changing my name again! Now I'll probably move sometime in the future, but not for a very long time. Ideally, not until I'm too old to climb the stairs to our master bedroom. We'll see though. I really do love our house, though.

As for my weigh in this morning. I've not posted weight in a long time here, mostly because I was disappointed I wasn't able to lose a lot before the wedding, and it just sucks being up, right? But then, I remember, that's the value of this semi-annonomous forum. Post the embarrasing stuff, maybe it'll keep you accountable. So there it is, the scary number of 230.0. But the good news is it was 231.6 the day after I got home from the honeymoon. So it's going in the right direction. I'd love to get down to about 220 - about where I was a month or so before the wedding. That is still 50lbs too heavy, but I'll feel more in control. then I can work from there.

So, I'm back to work, back to bloggin, and hopefully back to trying to minimize my food intake and maximize my calorie burn. Here we go!

Married!

Ok, so it's been forever and a day since I posted. I know. But you know what. Getting married is a LOT OF WORK. I mean wow. But I was SOOOOO great. I don't have the words to describe how wonderful it was, how perfect everything went, and how great everyone was to us. So here I am. A Mrs. :-)

And now, I have to go back to life. Back to fighting the battle we all fight our entire life. To be healthy. It's tougher for some than for others. I didn't reach all my goals I set for my wedding day. But I felt beautiful. And everyone said I was beautiful. And even if they only said it because they were supposed to, it still felt really really good.

We had a great honeymoon in the carribean. We got back on Monday. Today is my first day back at work. Yesterday I spent the majority of the day in the Social Security office and the Driver's License office, but it was ok, because I'm just so happy to be married.

I have a lot of thank you cards to write, but besides that, and putting away a few remaining gifts, wedding stuff is over. Now we're back to life. No "dress" to fit into, no "deadline" just life. A life of trying to be fit. So where do we find the motivation?

I dont' know, but I'm actually pretty upbeat about it. i had a very indulgent honeymoon and of course the scale is up now that I'm back. But I'm not sweating it, I'm not complacent about it, but I'm ok with it. Because I'm motivated to get back into exercising. I'm actually planning to hit the treadmill tonight. It's been inactive for a while now, so I think it needs a work out. I know I do.

So, I'm back. Hopefully regularly and for good. I'm ready to take on this new chapter as Mrs.