Journey to Goal?

Taco Bell...why do you tempt me so?

2009-01-22T17:37:00.003-05:00

241.4

So yesterday I had a fight with my husband - nothing major or mariage threatening, just one of our occasional spats. So I left the house angry, and went to a bar to meet friends. But! I had already eaten a small but reasonable dinner and this bar doesn't serve food. So I'm safe right? I can have a few beers, commiserate with friends, and go home having not done too much damage to the scale.. um. no. I have NO control when I drink (food craving wise) and totally hit the taco bell drive through on the way home. Was I hungry? Sure felt like I was at the time. Did I choose to go home and pop some popcorn or have a handful of cashews? Nope. Bad cindy.

The scale did not punish me too badly this morning, but I fear tomorrow. It was a late night binge so maybe it will take a day for the punishment to hit. We shall see. So far today - good choices made, now to get through the next 8 hours...

Still kicking

2009-01-20T15:13:00.004-05:00

241.8 (not bad)

It's been a busy week so only time for a quick note to prove that I have not, once again, giving up and gained 20 lbs. I'm up a pound or so from last week, but it was a crazy stressful week and I'm thankful that's where I am. I'm really busy a work this month, so I think I'll be thankful to see under 240 by the end of the month. That's the plan. My brother, of course, is kicking my ass on the weightloss challenge, but I'm the tortiose, not the hare...so I tell myself. :0)

More to come, hopefully.

Week 1: Down 4.4lbs!

2009-01-12T10:57:00.003-05:00

240.4

Yeah! Good scale day today. I'm so pleased. I kicked butt yesterday on the treadmill and did 85 minutes. Most of it walking, yes, but hell that's still a huge victory. Haven't climbed on that machine in too long. I did 20 minutes first, running as much as I could (about 10 mins of it) then was getting tired and bored. I'd been listing to my music, but was getting bored anyway, so I decided to let myself "walk" and try to get through a tv episode on my Ipod. I've never watched the show Grey's anatomy, but a few weeks ago decided I'd like to give it a try, so I'd downloaded the first season (9 episodes) to my ipod. So I clicked on episode 1. And walked through the whole darn thing. I mean it was great. I got totally absorbed for about 50 minutes. I'd continue to check myself and be sure I was still walking fast, keeping the heart rate up, and every 10 mins or so I'd make myself run for a minute or two to get the heart rate going, but it worked. I ended up burning 870 calories, which is awesome and likely the reason for this morning's good weigh in.

So this week is going to be something of a challenge just because I'm really busy at work. I have 2 depositions scheduled -Tuesday and Wednesday- that I'm not yet totally prepared for. But I'll get through them, I'm sure. Today I'll get everything finalized, but then I have a lot to do before the next week when I have my client coming in to prep for her deposition the following week. Basically I'm about 4 weeks from the end of discovery in a relatively big case, so lots going on.

That's ok though. I still plan to make my gym workouts. I didn't get there this morning like I'd planned, in part because I didn't sleep well last night. I couldn't get to sleep for some reason. But that's ok. I have my bag in the car and essentially have to drive by the gym to get home and I have my assignment, so I will go. I only have to put in about 50 mins, so there's no good excuse to dodge it.

So week one down of my challenge with my brother and I'm down 4.4 lbs. Not bad. Of course he lost 10.5, but that's a guy for you. My only hope in winning this challenge is that he'll slack after a month or two. I'm the tortoise, he's the hare. Besides, if I end up losing 40lbs over 4 months, I'll happily pay my brother $100 for the motivation. I need to lose 70 total, which is just daunting, but for now, I'm taking it one month, one week, and one day at a time. Today I will track everything I eat, stay within my points, and it the gym for an hour or so. That will be a successful day.

Homework Completed!

2009-01-09T11:35:00.002-05:00

242.6

Well I did my homework - not as initially planned, but I did it, which is what counts. I've had a couple non-scale victories (NSV) in the last 24 hours that I'm very happy about. The first one was last night. I didn't end up going to the gym like I was supposed to (that is not the NSV obviously). I have not good excuse. My bad excuse is that I wanted to watch the national championship game with friends and didn't get out of work in time to hit the gym first. But I promised myself I'd go this morning before work. And I did! More on that later.

So anyway, last night I went out to my favorite bar - Y-Knots and watched the game with friends. Going in I had 14 points left for the day (and none earned due to the bailout on the gym). So I had the cheese quesadillas for 7 points and had 7 left. AND..... then I had only 3 beers (6pts). Yes, sireebob, I went to the bar and didn't go over on points. That's right. Normally I'd have some wings, or chicken fingers and tater tots and about 5 beers (a bucket- but over many hours..). Not last night. I stopped at 3 beers and switched to diet coke. And amazingly? When I got home not drunk, I didn't have the urge to binge like so many other nights when I drink to much. Yeah me!

Then this morning NSV #2 is actually GOING to the gym. Yes, I promised, but how many times have I gone to bed without exercising "promising" to get up and do it in the morning. Rarely does it happen. But this morning it did. I did 20 mins on the treadmill and about 30 mins doing the weight training program I had been assigned.

This is actually good. Not good that I skipped yesterday but good that I did my weight training on a Friday. Since my gym is near my work (30 miles from my house) it's less convenient to do weight training on the weekend, and it's important to take a "rest" day between weight training days, so by doing it today I've gotten myself on a M-W-F schedule. Had I done it yesterday I'd have had to fit it in sometime this weekend. That said - I don't plan to be a total bum this weekend. I do have a treadmill at my house, so there's no good excuse there. I know I'll be sore tomorrow and Sunday from the first weight training in a long while, but that doesn't prevent me from at least WALKING for 20-30 mins Sat. and Sun. so that's the plan. I will be happy if I just "walk" for 20 mins both Saturday and Sunday. In reality, once I get on the darn thing I won't be satisfied with walking the whole time so I will likely kick in some running. But to get my butt on there, I'm telling myself all I have to do is walk. That should work.

Tonight is going to be a challenege. My best friend is in from Hawaii and we're going out. Which definitely means drinking - no way around that. But I need to plan out my day food wise so I still have some points left and don't go over. I'd be so proud if I woke up tomorrow, having a great night out, and didn't feel guilty about going over in points. That's the plan.

Take me back to school!

2009-01-08T16:07:00.005-05:00

242.8 (small increase yes, but hey, I did have a few beers last night...)

Is it odd how when you have a plan for your health, a weightloss plan, a work out plan, an overall plan with goals and steps to get there, you feel better already. I mean I've only been back on track 3 days and I know there's no physical evidence yet, but I already feel slimmer, more confident, more motivated, more energized. Funny.

Today I took a new step in my plan to beat my brother's butt - I signed up for a new gym. Well actually it's an old gym - one I used to belong to when I worked at a firm four blocks away, before my days as a prosecutor, but new now, nonetheless. There's a gym in my building but I went in there the other day and realized that it's so small, neglected, etc., that I never go and never feel motivated to go. It's independently owned, so understandably they can't do a lot of renovations or keep the equipment super current. This "new" gym is one I used to go to - it's a chain (LAFitness) and there are like 3 billion locations around Atlanta, actually a brand new one near my office that I didn't even know exsited, that has a pool (very cool). And it's actually cheaper than the independant, in-my-building gym (which I guess shouldn't surprise me).

So I signed up. And I have my gym bag with me. And I'm going to work out tonight on the way home. I asked about personal training prices, and man they're just so damn expensive. I mean $240 a month to get a guy for 30 minutes once a week? And it goes up from there as you can imagine. Ridiculous. The only reason I wanted a personal trainer is to have someone develop a program for me, and keep me motivated. Well I decided to do the next best thing. Right after I signed up for the gym, I headed two blocks down to the Barnes & Noble and bought 2 things -The Body Sculpting Bible for Women and "The Ultimate Workout Logbook". For $40 I get most of what I wanted an instructor for. The bodysculpting book has a program that has me lifting weights 3 days a week, telling me exactly what exercise to do, changing the program every day, and then cycling to a new program every 2 weeks. Ok - so I have my program.

The "logbook" is, believe it or not a good part of my motivation. Let me explain. I've realized that if you want to be successful at something you have to figure out how to utilize your strengths to get it down. Self motivation is not a strength of mine. I'm a lazy bum. If I had the metabolism of my huband or best friend I don't think I'd even know what a "dumb bell" looked like. I'd totally be lazy and live off the benefits of my body's ability to burn the food I ate.

Alas, I don't so I need to find the "strength" that can get me what I want. In yesterday's post I found one - competition. I hate to lose, particularly to my brother, so that will keep me going to some extent. For a while at least. But I need more.

I thought about it today and realized that I need to tie my love for school into this journey. Yes, I do need to keep learning about fitness and nutrition, but what I really mean is I need the structure. One of the things I LOVE about school is its structure. You have a definite beginning - the first day of class - and a definite end - finals, and everything in between is planned out. For many classes you know the first day the assignments you'll have for every subsequent class. You have a plan - a road map.

I like assignments. And I like finite end points and goals.

So this log book and "program" gives me that. I have an assignment. I have to complete a very specific routine three days a week. And my "grade" is based upon my writing it down in my log book.

So where's the definite end? Of course there's not really an END end - I'll be doing this my entire life - but there are mini-ends. First is the first 2 weeks - the "program" has me doing a set routine for 2 weeks, then it changes. Then it's the first 6 weeks - the program gradually intensifies for 6 weeks then you cycle back to the first week's intensity, but with a different routine.

Then there's the running portion. Part of my assignment 3 times a week is to get on the treadmill and do the cardio. The program in the book just calls for 20 mins of cardio - no program for that. That's not good enough for me. For me, I've always measured my success cardiovascularly based upon my running. I've done a marathon, for goodness sake. But today when I jump on that treadmill, honestly I'll be lucky to be able to run a half mile straight without walking. So I need to build that back up. Slowly.

So I'm using the Couchto5K program to get me back in running shape - thus - giving me an assignment for each day. Today I've already written it down on a post-it to take with me to the treadmill. Along with my post-it outlining exactly which weight training exercises to do.

Today is Day 1. And I will get my homework done.

New Year, New Chances, Same old Goals...

2009-01-07T12:53:00.002-05:00

Morning WI: 242.4

Well, I'm back. And I had a "holiday gain" like some many other people. Then I had a "resolution" like so many other people. But this time, I'm trying something a little different, in the hopes that it works. I'm having a CHALLENGE. Not just a personal goal, blah blah, that I can ignore and say "oh darn, I didn't do it". But a BET. With my brother - probably the person I love the most and am the most competitive with (it's a close call between him and my husband).

So, here's how it all went down. Over Christmas my cute but rotund brother stated that he and his wifey are going to start a serious diet on Jan. 5. I agreed I should join up and that maybe we should keep up with each other.

Then, this weekend I had a brilliant idea. Why not make it a game? Why not make it a challenge to see who can do the best on their weight loss goals? So - I bet my brother $100 that I can lose more weight (percentage wise) than he can in the next 4 months. If neither of us loses at least 10% of our body weight by then (May 4) the bets off, but if one or both of us does, the highest percentage gets $100. We weigh in and report weekly on Mondays.

My first weigh in was 244.8 lbs. (blah!) His was 300 flat. Unfortunately we live 3 states apart so we'll have to trust each other on the numbers, but he's got a wife there to keep him in check, and I have a husband so hopefully no cheating will ensue.

I don't konw if it will work. And I don't know how much I can lose in 4 months. I realistically shooting for 25 lbs, but I'd be thrilled with 30-40. We'll see. It has been fun teasing each other and threating to send a pizza to each other's houses. Today I posted a big picture of a Krystal chili-cheese pup on his facebook site to taunt him. I only do this because I know it will really motivate him more (we're both HIGHLY competitive.)

So that's where we are. I'm down a couple pounds since Monday but as we all know the first few days are easy. I'm still going to weigh in at Weight Watchers weekly on Thursdays to keep up with the new plan which I'm using to do this, and have some mid-week accountability. I hopefully with 2 weigh-in days a week I'll not go on crazy 3 day binges like I have in the past.

Here's hoping it works. Me and the other billion resolutioners...

Feels Good

2008-11-07T13:51:00.002-05:00

Official WI: 243.2
Morning WI: 237.8

Yesterday was good. I ate exactly what was allowed in my new "points range". Today I'm doing well so far. I've logged everything into weight watchers site and plan to keep up with it all week. I tried a new meeting last night that I won't be going back to, which is too bad because it's about 2 miles from my house. I just didn't like the vibe at all or the leader. There were only about 10 people there and I was the youngest by about 20 years. That would be ok, but the leader fancied herself a comedian but wasn't. She tried to get group participating and what she got was a lot of joking commentary. Like, when she asked what do you do when you need to find the motivation to continue- the response was: go eat a big meal then you'll feel really guilty. Um, no?

It almost felt like the people there weren't taking it seriously, which may have had to do a lot with the leader's style. Overall, it's just not for me.

That's ok, though because there is a WW center about 8 miles further from my house that has a lot of meetings to choose from, including a variety of leaders. I think I'm going to try the Thursday night at 7:00 meeting next week with the Friday morning at 8:30 being my fall back if I have to work late. I definitely need to go to meetings, I just need to find one that fits with me, my needs and my personality.

Busy means Bad

2008-11-06T12:23:00.002-05:00

Unknown...going to official WI tonight or tomorrow.

My life has been CRAZY this last month or two. So busy. So tiring. So much.

Our party was great. We had lots of people over and lots of fun. After that, though, my life switched to high gear. Every major election cycle, I volunteer for this organization that recruits and dispatches hundreds of volunteers in Georgia. This year was our biggest yet with over 600 volunteers on the ground. So I've been crazy busy this last week. I didn't sleep much at all until Tuesday night, when I slept for 16 hours. Yes 16 hours. I went to bed at midnight on Tuesday (already having taken Wednesday off) and didn't get out of bed until 4:00 pm on Wednesday. And I still slept a full 8 hours last night as well. I haven't slept that much ever, not being sick. Just shows how exhausted I was from the week before. I literally worked 80 hours in 6 days. Exhausting.

So now I'm back to normal life and back to the effort of weight loss. After much personal debate, I've decided to go back to Weight Watchers. It's the only thing that's ever worked for me, so I'm going to try again. I haven't decided which meeting I'm going to go to, but I have decided not to go to the one at my work. As convenient as it is, I'm not a huge fan of the leader, and for me, the weight watchers journey has always been a relatively private thing. I don't feel as comfortable going to a big meeting at my office, however convenient it is. Odd, yes. But we have to do what works, right?

So there's a meeting near my house on Thursday nights at 6:30. The trouble is getting there by 6:30 will not always be easy. I'm going to try to go today and check it out. I don't know how I'll feel about it, but it's worth a try. There's lots of other choices, however, if that one doesn't work out.

So don't be surprised to see a crazy high number tomorrow. I've hit 240, which is sick, but that's why I'm doing this. I didn't get on the scale this morning, frankly because I forgot, but I'm sure it's somewhere near 240. Which means tonight at an official weigh in with clothes after eating during the day, I'll probably see 245 or so. The numbers are so high now they're almost meaningless. Which is even more scary.

I've got to do something about this now, or it will only get worse.

Another thing may be a factor in my weight loss attempt this time, but I don't know in what way. I just started back on the birth control pill. For most of my adult life I've been on Depo Provera - the shot - that has been shown to cause weight gain. I've always felt like I couldn't blame my weight gain on that, though because when I really tried, and did the right things, I could still lose weight. That said, however, I'm hoping that the transition to traditional pill birth control might make things easier. I'm not holding my breath, though - I don't know that it will make a measurable difference. But it is one thing to think about as I just started the pill on Sunday. We'll see what happens.

But - I'm going to try to keep blogging as I do this. Holiday seasons are the toughest, so I know I need to start now rather than wait until January when I'm at 260 or worse.

Off to a new start!

Preparing for a PARTY

2008-10-13T13:23:00.003-04:00

235.0 (better, but so scary that that's "better"!)

This weekend was crazy busy but nice. On Saturday I worked at the local fair with Erik. He's a Kiwani's member and the put on the fair every year so the need volunteers to help sell tickets. It was fun to see all the people come out for it. I always loved the fair as a kid, so I think I'll always like it. I did ok on the fair food, only succumbing to one hotdog and some boiled peanuts. Erik of course had the elephant ears and a deep fried milky way (I did taste each but tried to limit my "sharing").

Saturday after the fair, we spent WAY too much money on a brand new living room set. Erik had an old couch and chair from about 10 years ago and I had a coffee table and end tables I got out of law school used. So we ended up getting a sectional sofa with nice coffee and end tables. All to be delivered on Thursday! So today's mission is to find a place/person to give our old stuff too. Surprisingly few non-profits will pick up furniture and we don't have a truck to haul it off in. I posted on Freecycle, though so hopefully someone will want it.

It all has to go by Saturday because we're having a party! I'm so excited. Since the wedding Erik, Holly & I have been eager to have another get together. We have a ton of liquor and wine left over from the wedding and we got a kegerator for a wedding present (funny I know - we registered for it on a whim and Holly got a bunch of people to chip in to get it for us!). So we're getting a keg, grilling out burgers and dogs and drinking up the remaining liquor and wine (hopefully). Of course there will be poker, football and wii going on as well! AND we're going to try out our fire pit for the first time.

Have I mentioned I love living in the south - it's still 70-80 out every day these days. As long as it doesn't rain we should be able to have a good indoor/outdoor party!

So my other mission today was to find a place to fill our CO2 tank that came with the kegerator. I had NO idea where to do that. After some googling, I found a place called Airgas about 10 miles from home that will swap mine for theirs. I'll head out there probably Wednesday morning to do that. HOpefully it will work. What an odd thing to track down - CO2. Oh well - our kegerator is cool and SO worth it.

So Sunday consisted of church, then errands. We made 3 drops at goodwill of old stuff that's been collecting in the garage, which REALLY made a difference in how the garage looks. Then Erik set up the kegerator, I went shopping for party stuff, and returned a bunch of wedding stuff that was broken/unwanted. Very productive day but Exhausting!

Oh well, lots going on. I did not hit the treadmill as planned this weekend and though I wish I had, I did get a good bit of exercise running around all weekend. And we didn't really think about food much so that kept me from over-eating. Here's to the scale continuing to go down!

One Day at a time

2008-10-09T12:32:00.001-04:00

235.8 (better)

Ok, so one day down back on the wagon and it feels good. I logged everything yesterday, for the first time in, oh, say 6 months! And i went over a bit. I'm supposed to eat like 1770 max calories and I had 1880. But I burned more than double my target calories so I call it a wash. Not bad for day one. Need to still get things lower, but it's a start and the scale rewarded me with a marginally less depressing number this morning. (Still absurd, however).

So yesterday I hit our firm gym at lunch - a first. I've never done a lunch work out here, but I really liked it. It's a small but really well equiped gym with a great locker room - meaning they have lockers with keys they provide you (don't have to bring your own lock), they provide towel service, the showers have shampoo, conditioner and soap already in them, and the provide hair dryers, flat irons, curling irons, hairspray, lotion, mouthwash, etc. Very nice. I got in and out, with a shower yesterday in just over an hour including 35 mins on the treadmill. I plan to do a little bit more today. If I could get this into a habit, I'd really see some results I think. And, it keeps me from spending too much on going out to lunch with Holly every day.

So, things are back on track. The only negative in my life right now is work. I have a lot of things to do but simply cannot get motivated to do them. I spend way too much time on facebook and myspace and blogs at work. REally bad. Particularly in this market when I'm lucky to have such a great job. Need to improve on that.

Otherwise, doing well! Amazing how a day on track can really make you feel better about life.

Frustration

2008-10-08T12:44:00.003-04:00

237.2 Yes. that is not a typo.

I didn't want to write it. I didn't want to see it and I don't want to admit it. After about 4 days off the scales I braved it this morning and the above was my reward. Or punishment rather. Really? Really? I'm in awe and amazement. I cannot believe how absurdly easy it is to gain weight. And no, I haven't been exactly counting calories, but I have been concious of my eating. You know how some days/weeks/ months you just don't care so don't worry about it and don't think about it. I'm not even there, yet the scale keeps climbing higher and higher.

Today a funny situation has brought it all into perspective. I was updating my quicken this morning, looking at recent charges on my amex and found a shockingly wrong charge. Earlier this week, in a moment of weakness, I was craving Taco Bell. So I went there and spent $7.27. If you know taco bell at all you know $7.27 buys a ridiculous amount of food. So yes, I binged. But I paid for it. Multiple times it seems. Today when I saw that charge, I was like - yes, that's right. But the very next charge was for Taco Bell, same day for $72.27. Um. NO. I binged, but I did not eat $72 dollars worth of tacos and chalupas. Now if Amex were to put me on a scale they may beg to differ.

So anyway, I called and disputed the charge and thankfully had the receipt for the proper charge, which they said would make things easier. The woman laughed when I told her there was no way I was eating $72 dollars worth of taco bell. But in reality - this is a good crazy sign. I mean no, I didn't go that overboard, but yes I have gone overboard. And it's time to get it in check.

I've not been quite as bad in the exercise department. I hit the gym on Friday and my own treadmill on Saturday and WILL be going today. But none of the exercises have been as long as I used to be able to go, so not burning as many calories. I know - it will take time. But at least I'm going. That's the first step.

Next is to be HONEST with what I'm putting in my mouth. I said I've been conscious of what I'm eating, but we all know that when we 'guesstimate' we often get it wrong - very wrong. So, starting today I'm back on sparkpeople, logging my calories. I had hoped to be under 220 by Oct. 1. Obviously that failed. New goal - back to 225 by Sept. 1. Ambitious goal, but there it is.

The other thing I've been thinking about (in a self pitious way) is how easy it is for some people to simply maintain their weight. I cannot. If I'm not trying I'm gaining. My husband has been a perfectly healthy 165 since the day I met him. He goes up or down a few pounds depending on the time of year (holidays vs. summertime) but generally there he is. he fits in the jeans he wore 15 years ago. Absurd. Why is it so easy for him?

I know genetics has a lot to do with it along with habits and cravings. But DAMN it sucks.

Oh well, I am who I am and have to deal with my body, my habits, and my cravings. It's just so hard sometimes.

Passive Agressive Much?

2008-09-25T10:51:00.004-04:00

234.0 (oops.)

So, this morning a funny thing happened when I got to work. I had been working on a pleading that needed to be filed today, and on my desk my federal rules book was open in the center of my desk. When I got in on top of the open rule book was a mailing from Lane Bryant that had a coupon in it. It's one of these folded coupon fliers you get in the mail if you're on their mailing list. I thought it odd that it just arrived on my desk, they don't have my home address, certainly not my work address, so it couldn't have come to me. I flipped it over, and the name and address had been blacked out with sharpie then whited out over that. Odd.

So, somebody decided I likely shopped at lane bryant, which isn't a bad assumption, I'm actually a size 16, which is right on the border, so generally I don't, but it's not inconceivable. But the really odd thing is that this someone was embarrassed enough that the flier was sent to them to black out their name AND not put a note on it saying who it was from.

Now, with any other coupon, gift card, etc., if you're going to give it to someone who you think might use it, you'd typically want to get credit for your nice gesture. Say I don't shop at IKEA but I know my colleague does, and I get a coupon, I would give it to them overtly.

But because it's Lane Bryant - a "big" girl store, suddenly you don't want me to know? I'm more offended about that than the fact that this somebody though I was big enough to shop there - as I said, I'm close. Very passive aggressive if you ask me. Then I get to thinking, maybe it's not a generous thing where the giver is just embarrassed. Maybe it's a veiled insult. Maybe this somebody is saying "hey we know your fat, and by the way you need better clothes". Maybe? Seeing how they don't want to reveal their name.

So curiosity got the best of me. I scrapped off the white out with my fingernail and then wet the paper a bit to smudge the sharpie black out to reveal the name....

My secretary.

Odd. I don't know how to take this. I don't have the best relationship with my secretary. We don't argue but I think she's not so good at her job and have actually considered asking to be reassigned. I've never directly called her out, but my frustration is clear when she messes something up. So this could go either way. Either she got it, and was trying to be nice but was embarrassed that she got it, or she's being VERY passive aggressively insulting.

My friend who is also a secretary here says I should email her a note that just says "Hey - thanks for the coupon, but I don't shop there. Let me know if there's someone else you know that might be able to use it." Sort of passive aggressive back. My thought is to just let it go.

Could use some input on this one. I actually think it's pretty hilarious, myself.

Ear Infection, and Vegas!

2008-09-24T15:58:00.002-04:00

233.2

Yesterday morning sucked. Monday night as I was going to bed, my right ear was feeling clogged a bit. I have this problem occasionally with wax build up (gross I know) mostly because I sleep with ear plugs every night. So anyway, I decided to do the "ear wax removal" treatment. It's basically these drops you put in your ear that break up the wax. You keep your head tilted for a couple minutes then let it drain out. It worked fine, and then I went to bed feeling better.

Until 6:00 am.

When I woke up with that ear KILLING me. Serious sharp pains. Really odd. I tried to go back to bed and couldn't. Finally I got up and headed to my doctor sure that I had an ear infection. I got a prescription for antibiotics then went back to bed. I took an old Tylenol w/codine I had from my Lasik surgery and slept it off. When I woke up a few hours later, my ear didn't hurt anymore, but I'd already called in sick, so decided to work the rest of the day from home. It was nice, I got a good bit done, and also caught up on my TiVo'd shows.

So I didn't get a workout in yesterday despite not having a good excuse to avoid it. But today I WILL. I have my gym bag, including socks! I'm heading there right after work. Which is pretty crucial since I fly out to Vegas tomorrow and won't have another opportunity to hit the gym.

Yes, I could use the gym at the hotel, but in Vegas they actually charge you to use their gym, and lets be honest, am I going to work out in Vegas? Nope. The best I can hope for is to minimize the over-indulgence food/alcohol wise. So that will be my goal. Try to avoid the buffets, if I do go to a buffet (hey - that's usually what they're willing to comp you on) I'll load up on lots of veggies, and I'll limit my alcohol. That's the plan.

The exciting thing is that Erik is already out there and played a poker tournament last night that he won, to the tune of $1400 profit. Very nice. So we have some gambling money now and might, shocker of shockers, come home up, or at least not down. That would be a first. :-)

So my moderation thing is going ok. No, I've not seen a loss on the scale yet, but I've stopped the gaining. I made good choices yesterday and I'm going to the gym today. Ideally when I get back from Vegas I'll be right where I am now. That would be a success, for sure.

I watched the Biggest Loser last night (don't worry no spoilers) and I love that show. I love how it makes me feel motivated. It makes me commiserate with others who are dealing with weight loss and how hard it is. And it makes me realize how hard I'm NOT working - I mean Bob and Jillian KILL those people during their work outs. Makes me want to get out there any try - which is what I will do this evening!

No Socks!

2008-09-22T10:30:00.003-04:00

233.2 (weekend weight - as usual)

I actually had really nice weekend. Friday night we had the boys sleepover. It was fine, but I know I don't want to have twins! Daniels two friends were 5 year old boy twins, and although very sweet considering, they were a handful! Erik and I just shook our head so many times this weekend. Its such a change for us to have more than one in the house. When it's just Daniel, he's usually hanging out with us or playing x-box with his dad or watching a cartoon on TV. When it's the 3 of them it's LOUD crazy screaming children. I'm sure this is normal in houses with more than one child, but we've been spoiled. They are good kids though, so although it was different, it wasn't all that bad.

It also helped that I dipped out Friday night and played poker with friends, leaving Erik to put the 3 of them to bed.

Saturday we went to a parade just down the street from our house for our local "founder's day" celebration. It was nice and the kids got lots of candy. Saturday afternoon and evening was dedicated to football. Boy did it suck! FSU played HORRIBLY against Wake Forest. I was so disappointed. This was the first televised game they've had and it was miserable. Our two new quarterbacks threw a combined 5 interceptions! FIVE. So bad. So that sucked.

Sunday was church, nap, TV, etc. It was Erik's birthday but since he had to leave town today he was running around a lot and we only celebrated a bit at the end of the night.

Today Erik leaves for Vegas for a week long seminar. I fly out on Thursday to meet him and come home on Monday. I'm SO looking forward to this. I love Vegas and we go out usually once a year, usually in June. We haven't made it out this year due to the wedding, but I'm glad we still get to go. We're staying at Bally's which is right across the street from Bellagio - my favorite hotel just because of the fountains out front. I'm very excited.

So today I had GREAT plans to hit the gym after work. I packed my bag and everything. Then I got here and was getting the bag out of the car and realized I forgot my socks. GRRRR. Now I can do weight training maybe without socks, but I definitely should not hit the treadmill without socks. That's the fastest way to a blister that would keep me off it for a week or more. So I'm mad at myself because I know I'm not motivated enough to work out at home, so I need this "at work" trip to keep me going.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I'll hit it then for sure.

Oh and by the way? Thank you notes suck. I've been dreading and procrastinating for weeks now, and it's getting bad. I need to get them out this week or it just looks really bad. I've only got about 35 or 40 to do - way less than the invitations I had to do - but I'm just dragging my feet for some reason. I will knock out at least half of them today. I swear!

Life as a "step-mom"

2008-09-19T17:52:00.003-04:00

So, getting married 2 weeks ago made me more than a wife. I'm also now a Step Mom to Erik's 5 year old son. He was married before and had a child with her. Now she lives in the next town over, and they share custody. He gets Daniel every other weekend and every Wednesday. It's been this way since I met him so its nothing new. But the "title" is new. I was always just "Cindy". Now I'm Stepmom Cindy. Odd.

About 2 months ago I had a conversation with Daniel about it and said something to the effect of, you know when we get married, I'm going to be your "stepmom" but you can still call me Cindy. He said, no I'll call you "mom". I think it was just a spontaneous thing he said, but wasn't what I was going for. His mom is very cool in many respects and has never made me feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in his life. That said, he is her world, and I do NOT feel like she would welcome him calling me mom. I don't need that and don't have any desire to cause strife in his or her life. So we'll see - so far, he hasn't called me anything but Cindy but we'll see.

He's too cute, by the way, here's a couple pictures from our wedding:

In the first one he has one of the chair sashes on his head, in the second one he had to take off his shirt because someone spilled beer on it, so he put the vest back on anyway. So funny.

Anyway, tonight we are having our first "sleepover". Erik is picking up Daniel and two of his friends to spend the night. I think it's going to be fun, but it's a first for us, so I think its sweet. Tomorrow our town is having a parade for "founders day" so we're going to take the boys there. I'm sure by the time that's over, I'll be done being a step mom and be glad to ship the extra two 5 year olds off. :-)

It's weird being a mom even if it's only a "step" mom.

First Run a Success

2008-09-18T17:31:00.003-04:00

232.4 (up, but am sore so I'll blame it on that).

I did it. I got back to the gym. I had to do all the stuff you do at a new gym - figure out where the lockers where, how the towel service worked, where everything is located. But, I did all that and then I got on the treadmill. And Ran. I ended up doing week 4 of the C25K program. Essentially I did a 5 minute warm-up walk, ran 1/4 mile, walked 1/8 mile, ran 1/2 mile, walked 1/4 mile, ran 1/4 mile, walked 1/8 mile, ran 1/2 mile, walked 1/2 mile. Ultimately I ended a little over 2.5 miles, in about 33:00 minutes. Not bad. I burned about 400 calories, and am a little sore today but all that was to be expected.

I didn't hit the weights like I'd hoped. I'm always bad about motivation for weight training. But I didn't beat myself up about it because I did the most important thing - started again. So today I'm going back. I packed my gym bag, brought it to my office, and it's sitting in the corner of the room looking at me.

Last night I started thinking about things - I felt good that I'd ran again, but I was beating myself up for not eating right or drinking enough water that day. Then I realized that I can take this one step at a time. Always in my life when I decide to do something I do it 200%. I mean I go overboard and try to do it al at once. And I'm usually sucessful - for a time at least - until I burn out. This time I want to be ok with taking it slow.

I decided last night that today I'd work on eating better and drinking more water, with a goal of doing a little better each day. And sticking to the gym. I am going a little crazy in that department with plans to go every work day. I don't have to go for long, but I want to make myself go every night before I go home. I rarely have evening commitments that require me to be home at a particular time, so it shouldn't be a problem most of the time. Also, part of the reason I haven't been good about exercising on my own treadmill is that by the time I get home, I'm starving, and want to eat dinner. That's usually about 8:00 at night and I by the time I'm "digested" enough to feel comfortable exercising, it's bed time.

So this is a good solution. I work out right after work then I can go home and have dinner without guilt. And go to bed without guilt. I'll use my treadmill on the weekends, so it's not all a waste. That's the plan. Day 1 in the books. I'm going to shoot for getting under 230 by the end of the month. That should be really doable, but I'm going to set small goals this time around, and meet every one of them.

The Gym

2008-09-18T17:31:00.002-04:00

231.6

Well, I did it. I re-signed up for the gym. Gym membership is a funny thing for me. I've always had one up until March of this year. I started being really good about exercise in law school when I first started weight watchers, and have always had a gym membership since. But when Erik and I bought a house and moved a town away from where my current membership was, I just let it lapse. I had gotten a treadmill from my dad and had built up my other exercise equipment for the house (weight bench, yoga stuff, jump rope, weights, balls etc.) such that I felt it was a waste of money to have a gym membership. But now I realize that all the equipment in the world is useless if you don't use it. Duh right?

Somehow paying for a membership is motivation in itself. And I'm fortunate that my firm has a gym in one of our two buildings that we can be a member of for only $42/month with no sign up fee. Not bad at all, so I did it. Yesterday I went in and signed up. And today I brought my gym bag and will be heading out there in a few minutes. I have to do this. I can't let everything go now just because I'm married. That is no excuse. No, I don't have to go "find a man" anymore, but I do have to like myself. And I always like myself better when I'm exercising, feeling healthy, and losing, rather than gaining, weight. So, back at it.

I've printed out the couch to 5K program and I'm going to see how I do tonight to gauge what week to start on. Before the wedding I was comfortably running 2-3 miles, but I know that stamina is gone and I'll have to build it up again. That's ok though. I'm going to set mini-goals, but there's no deadline here. This is my LIFE now. I need to be a healthy person. For myself, for my husband, and for the kids I plan to have not too long from now. Besides, trying to get pregnant after 30 will have it's own challenges, I don't need to add "excessively obese" to the list. I don't believe I'll ever be "skinny" again, but I can keep things status quo - or at least status quo from before the wedding (meaning drop ~10 lbs). I can do that, and I will do that. Starting today!

Boy I feel like a broken record ,and I'm sure it's no fun to read the same entry of 'back at it today, I swear' that I seem to write every month. But, again, this blog is for me. It's really more of a journal. I need to get down how I feel, what I'm thinking, before I have any hope to follow through. I'd love to have a few readers, and a couple comments now and then, but really I need this for me. So unfortunately that appears to mean a lot of repeat material. Sorry bout that.

So tonight at the gym - the plan is to do at least 20, hopefully 30 or more minutes on the treadmill then do some basic weight training. Get things started right, right?

2 Weeks Married

2008-09-15T17:30:00.002-04:00

230.0 (believe me, that's actually good).

Well today I'm 2 weeks married. And I still like it. :-) That's good, right? We're settling back into our life, and nothing seems to different except I'm dealing with a lot of name change BS right now. Very frustrating. I'm hating it and hating it more that Erik doesn't have to deal with it. Boo. Oh well, it should all be a one time thing, at least. When I got my new driver's license, they asked me if I wanted to renew for 5 or 10 years (a cool option Georgia has) and I said, 10 for sure - I'm not planning on moving or changing my name again! Now I'll probably move sometime in the future, but not for a very long time. Ideally, not until I'm too old to climb the stairs to our master bedroom. We'll see though. I really do love our house, though.

As for my weigh in this morning. I've not posted weight in a long time here, mostly because I was disappointed I wasn't able to lose a lot before the wedding, and it just sucks being up, right? But then, I remember, that's the value of this semi-annonomous forum. Post the embarrasing stuff, maybe it'll keep you accountable. So there it is, the scary number of 230.0. But the good news is it was 231.6 the day after I got home from the honeymoon. So it's going in the right direction. I'd love to get down to about 220 - about where I was a month or so before the wedding. That is still 50lbs too heavy, but I'll feel more in control. then I can work from there.

So, I'm back to work, back to bloggin, and hopefully back to trying to minimize my food intake and maximize my calorie burn. Here we go!

Married!

2008-09-10T17:00:00.003-04:00

Ok, so it's been forever and a day since I posted. I know. But you know what. Getting married is a LOT OF WORK. I mean wow. But I was SOOOOO great. I don't have the words to describe how wonderful it was, how perfect everything went, and how great everyone was to us. So here I am. A Mrs. :-)

And now, I have to go back to life. Back to fighting the battle we all fight our entire life. To be healthy. It's tougher for some than for others. I didn't reach all my goals I set for my wedding day. But I felt beautiful. And everyone said I was beautiful. And even if they only said it because they were supposed to, it still felt really really good.

We had a great honeymoon in the carribean. We got back on Monday. Today is my first day back at work. Yesterday I spent the majority of the day in the Social Security office and the Driver's License office, but it was ok, because I'm just so happy to be married.

I have a lot of thank you cards to write, but besides that, and putting away a few remaining gifts, wedding stuff is over. Now we're back to life. No "dress" to fit into, no "deadline" just life. A life of trying to be fit. So where do we find the motivation?

I dont' know, but I'm actually pretty upbeat about it. i had a very indulgent honeymoon and of course the scale is up now that I'm back. But I'm not sweating it, I'm not complacent about it, but I'm ok with it. Because I'm motivated to get back into exercising. I'm actually planning to hit the treadmill tonight. It's been inactive for a while now, so I think it needs a work out. I know I do.

So, I'm back. Hopefully regularly and for good. I'm ready to take on this new chapter as Mrs.

Busy - Focusing is hard

2008-07-25T11:58:00.002-04:00

FRIDAY

Well, as is the case of late, I've been very busy with work, boot camp, and wedding planning. And the weight loss progress has stopped. I'm a bit frustrated as I'm running out of time. We're 37 days away. I've been good on the boot camp front, but not good on the food front. I'm kinda peeved at myself too. But my problem is when I'm stressed I eat. And life is stressful right now. I had a very frustrating day yesterday with a paralegal at the office that simply isn't doing her job. So when I went out with Erik I felt entitled to have a beer or 4. It was a nice release, but an unnecessary weekday drinking binge.

Oh well - the wedding is coming - ready or not. And I think I'm ready other than weight-wise. I've got lots of appointments coming up to finalize things, the scariest of which is the dress fitting. I'm trying to put it off as long as possible, but it's coming too - ready or not.

I don't really have much else to say - this post is really a same ol same ol type of post. Gee - I'm not losing weight - gee I'm eating too much - gee maybe that's why I'm not losing weight. No real epiphanies there.

Wow time FLIES

2008-07-17T12:06:00.002-04:00

THURSDAY

Oh my gosh time flies. I'm so crazy scared of this wedding! It's now 44 days away. Yes, little 44 days. Under 50 but still more than a month, thank god! It's so sneaking up on me!

Well, life's been busy as you can imagine. I've got lots of wedding stuff on the calendar. I'm meeting with the resort this weekend to finalize the menu details, cake stuff, timeing, etc. Yesterday I went and looked at "chair covers" and linens. Do not ASK me what I'm paying for chair covers and linens. OMG. Ridiculous. And trust me - I got the "basic" ones! It's just when you have a semi-large wedding (~145) and have to cover chairs for both the ceremony AND the reception, it gets expensive. Oh - and of course my site does not have ivory linens, so I'm stuck renting those too - or having them in white and clash with my dress and everything else. booo.

Oh well, things are getting done, albeit slowly. I'm excited and my weekends are filling up with to do's but boy it's getting close.

As for weight loss/work out, I'm a bit frustrated. I jumped back into Boot Camp full force. I've been every day. This is the end of week 2. I saw a good 4 lb loss the first week, but have really stagnated this week. Now I know there are several factors that could be in play here. I've been VERY sore this week so it could be water retention. I've been good but not "great" with food. But sheesh! I'm burning 600+ calories every morning! You'd think that'd add up to something.

Oh well - still pluggin along. I know the results will come. I won't be a "skinny minny" for my wedding, but as I've said before, if I lose some weight and feel fit, that's what matters. I just want to feel "good" about myself, even if I don't feel "perfect".

And work has gotten good too. I'm on two primary cases, with a few others sort of dormant. These two are keeping me busy though. I'm pretty much the primary associate on both, so I have a lot of responsibility and client contact which is exactly what I need to feel motivated and appreicated. If only I could get my butt into work earlier. With the boot camp I've been bad about getting to bed ontime so I've been "napping" when I get home at 6:30 for a bit which gets me into work late (obviously). I am staying later to make up for it, but if I could just rearrange the scheduling and be asleep by 10:00 it would all work easier. I'm just such a night owl and even with good intentions every night, I can't seem to fall asleep until around midnight. Frustrating.

Oh well - boot camp too will be over in 44 days. Hopefully then (after the honeymoon at least) I can get back to normal work life. Hopefully no one really is bothered by it in the meantime!

That's about it. Sorry for the lack of posting. I'd like to keep a good journal of this exciting time, but it's hard. I'm going to try harder to get on more often!

First Test

2008-07-09T11:56:00.002-04:00

Wednesday

Well, today is my first test of my new commitment. We didn't have a boot camp work out today (we get the first and third Wednesday off). So I have to do my own work out tonight. I'm ready. I have no plans to go out anywhere. I'm going to hit the treadmill and possibly add some jump roping in with my cool calorie counting jump rope. Then I need to do some strength work which I might do on the Wii Fit since I haven't been on there in a while. I'm ready.

I do need to do some grocery shopping, as I'm down to very few easy "mini meals" like we're supposed to do on this program. I usually take some fruit, yogurt, nuts, hard boiled egg, etc. to work for my mid day snacks but I'm out! I'll try to go tonight. If I don't make it, it'll be this weekend before I can go. We'll see how that goes.

Other than that, things are going well. I'm looking forward to this weekend. I've got some plans with friends that should be a lot of fun. I've got a LOT of work to do before then though - so on that note - back to work!

54 days - Day 2 Bootcamp Revisited

2008-07-08T15:56:00.006-04:00

TUESDAY

Things are going well. I'm totally back on track and committed to my final countdown till the wedding. Unfortunately I did some damage on my last minute binging before this week, but nothing that cannot be remedied over the next 2 months, I feel sure. I'm ready to see results!

Today was day 2 of my return to boot camp and boy 3 weeks of has killed me. I didn't realize what good shape I'd gotten into, but it's kicking my butt again. I'm super sore. Course that is exasperated by the fact that I waterskiied last weekend for the first time in YEARS. It was so fun, but SOOO exhausting. See me kicking butt:

Very fun. It was gorgeous out on the lake in MO where my father just moved. I really had a relaxing (if indulgent) 4th weekend - see me and Erik drinking beer in front of the campfire:

But now we're in full assault mode! Perfect eater, perfect exerciser, non-alcohol drinker. I'm READY. It's crunch time and I'm ready to feel the burn!

Here's to 54 more days of good food and good exercise!

60 days. (5 days till crunch time!)

2008-07-02T16:05:00.003-04:00

WEDNESDAY

So, I'm actually really excited about Monday. Odd, because this is a holiday weekend. I'm flying out tomorrow evening with Erik to see my family, my dad's new home, my brother & his kids and wife, and of course my mom. But I'm looking forward to Monday - the day after we get back. Why?

Because I start back at Boot camp.

And I REALLY start my countdown to the wedding.

Why can't I start now, you ask? Did you read the paragraph above about family gathering this weekend? It will be tremendous fun, but I have absolutely ZERO will power around my family. We eat. That's what we do. There's always food, and it's always good.

The one saving grace I should have is that my dad just moved to a place right on the Lake of the Ozarks, and has a boat we can waterski behind. I was a killer waterskiier when I was a kid (with some scars to prove it). I skiied about 5 years ago here in GA and maybe once since, but haven't really gotten to do it much as an adult. I know I'm going to suck. But I'm confident I will be able to get UP. More than my brother can do, apparently. :-) I determined to show him up.

So that'll be some exercise. Hopefully more swimming will be done as well so I can burn some of the bajillion calories I will be consuming this weekend.

Then Monday?

DUM DUM DUM

It's official wedding crunch time! I'm back to boot camp at 5:00 am every morning. Back to writing down EVERYTHING I eat. Back to eating Body for Life-style. And, with the exciting exception of our bachelor/bachelorette weekend in Savannah - I'm back to NO ALCOHOL. Zip. Zero. I mean, I can go 8 weeks without it, right? Especially since I'll get a no-regrets exception in Savannah. I can DO this.

I got my dress last Friday. I was actually a little disappointed. I still LOVE the dress. But since I've stopped the boot camp, I've not been feeling so hot about myself, and the pounds are creeping back on. The dress fit - no worries there - but I wanted it to be loose. I wanted it to be falling off. And although it fit, it kind of pushed up my chest in a way that didn't exactly make my boobies look big - which is what you'd assume and wouldn't be so bad - but made my upper chest/sholder area look poofy. Odd to describe, I know, but it's something that weightloss and strength training will help. I just need to get back on it.

So, I've given myself the next 5 days. Not to go crazy, but to enjoy my last bit of "freedom" food wise. After that, I've got to be committed. I can still conceivably be under 200 for my wedding - a goal I've always had. Of course I'd love to be 'at goal' but that's not going to happen now. I'll be satisfied with under 200. That's about where I was when I met Erik. It'd be appropriate. I can DO it. Right?

Other than the weight issue, wedding planning has been surprisingly easy. I know I know, I just jinxed myself, but sheesh - should I be stressing about details by now? I keep checking my little "checklists" available all over the web, and I'm right on track. Everything that should be booked/planned is done. Just waiting for final numbers from my guests to shore up the details. I have appointments with the vendors I need to make final decisions for. I'm good to go. So WHY can't I focus on the one thing that scares me the most about this wedding? Why can't I put more energy into the weightloss project I care so much about?

I will. Starting Monday. Yes, that sound like a HORRIBLE, typical fat-girl statement ("I'll start tomorrow, again"). But that's the plan. Meanwhile - the goal is damage control.

66 days

2008-06-26T12:27:00.003-04:00

THURSDAY

So my titles might be a little boring for the next few months. They will be designed to keep me focused on the end goals - eye on the prize as they say. So today we are 66 days out.

How did I do yesterday? Well, not bad. Not phenomenal, but not bad. I did log all my food into Sparkpeople for the first time in months. My total for the day awas 1700 calories. A bit higher than I wanted to be, but I'll accept it as it was filled with mostly nutritious foods - grilled chicken Caesar salad for lunch (with dressing on the side, thank you) and chicken salad sandwich for dinner with lots of lettuce & tomato and a small handful of cashews and 2 slices of cheese. Along with popcorn for a snack. Not bad at all.

Bad news? No exercise. I didn't feel like it (when do I ever feel like it?) after I got home. I did NOT go out for drinks though, like I have for about 2 weeks straight. (small victories). The exercise thing is going to be tough for the next week and a half. I get back to boot camp in July 7th. Until then I'm on my own, and I suck on my own. I actually "thought" about getting up early this morning to run before work, but of course I didn't do it.

The frustrating thing right now is that I'm have a really crappy work situation. I'm working on a case where we we represent a humane society that had contracted with the county to run animal control. According to the contract, the county has the right to review our documents within 3 years of the end of the contract. We terminated our contract earlier this year, and for purely political reasons, the county now wants to audit our documents. So I've been sitting in a conference room all week with three county auditors as they go over our documents and flag the ones they want copied. It's so much bullshit, and I hate not being in my office, but we don't trust them with our documents, so I'm essentially on babysitting duties. Luckily my "charge" is not a real baby and doesn't cry, but it's still very needy! Lol.

Anyway, I am getting some work done down here, and can bill my time to someone regardless, but sheesh it's frustrating. I've had to get in before 9:00 each day - something I don't normally do because of my commute and traffic issues. So, yeah. Getting up to work out before work just isn't happening. Hell - at least I'm working, right?

Another thing this stupid babysitting job is doing, is keeping me from picking up my wedding dress. I really need a 2 hour lunch to get over there to try it on and make sure everything looks right before I leave with it. So far, no good. Maybe this evening if I can kick them out early enough before the store closes.

So - back to goals - I'm having another salad for lunch. Planning to make good choices at dinner, and probably will end up "thinking" about exercising. ;-)

Oh - and no weight post for a week or so as I'm too scared. I need to focus for a bit then see the damage.

9.5 weeks

2008-06-25T10:37:00.003-04:00

WEDNESDAY

So I am 9.5 weeks away from the wedding. That would be 67 days. Really? I mean, only 67 days? I feel like I should have more to do. But I keep checking the wedding "checklists" and everything's on track. Now I just need to get closer to finalize a head count, then I can do the last big things on the list. It seems almost too easy.

Now - onto the focus of this blog - weight and weight loss. 9.5 weeks is a long time but not SO long that it is daunting. 4 months is daunting. 67 days is "a bit". I would like to convince myself that I can be a very good dieter/exerciser for 67 days. That doesn't sound unreasonable. I've done it before. We all know I'm going to totally party it up at the wedding and honeymoon beyond. So, can I sacrifice my beloved beer/pizza/fries/burgers/etc. for 67 days? Can I prioritize exercise over poker and sleeping in? Can I?

Of course only time will tell, but here we are, and I'm ready to try. Today I logged my breakfast into spark people. I will log my lunch as well. And dinner. And EXERCISE. Because tonight I am going to dust off my beautiful treadmill and give it a "whirl". Literally. 67 days. I can and WILL do this.

So far today:
Calories consumed: 482
Calories remaining available: 1018
Exercise yet to be done: 60 minutes/~700 calories

HERE WE GO...

Wedding Dress is In

2008-06-24T15:18:00.002-04:00

TUESDAY

So I got a call yesterday from my bridal shop to say that my dress has come in - a MONTH early. Crazy. I'm so not ready for this! I'm sure it'll fit, but I'm still not at all where I wanted to be when the dress came in. I think I've decided to hold off on fittings until the end of July when the dress was supposed to come in. I'm going back to Boot camp on July 7th and hopefully will have made some more progress by then.

So the last few weeks I've been totally off program. Letting myself eat and drink what I wanted. It's time to re-focus. All the hard work I did the last couple months had really begun to show. I've had at least 10 people in the last 2 weeks comment on how they could tell I was losing weight. And I've responded by letting myself go. What gives? So - back on track this morning. I skipped the fast food breakfast and opted instead for a high protein option of a balance bar and some cashews. Lunch was a huge salad with chicken breast and vinagrette dressing (on the side!) I also had some sunchips which I didn't need, but overall a good choice. My new plan for the next 10 weeks or so is to try to have a small but protein rich breakfast, a salad for lunch and a "sensible" dinner. I go out a lot for dinner (and lunch for that matter) so maybe I can keep myself in check for 2 meals of the day then try not to go too off course for the dinner.

That's the plan. So far so good today. Here's to tomorrow.

Back to Blogging?

2008-06-18T14:50:00.002-04:00

Not Sure on WI...

WEDNESDAY

So I'm not sure why I had such a funk with blogging. I tried to analyze why I didn't want to blog, and I think it was at least partly due to the fact that I've not been good with the bootcamp/eating/dieting thing and I feel like that girl that's always "gonna" lose weight but never does. This blog is supposed to help inspire me, keep me on track, and ultimately help me lose weight. When I've been bad, though I don't want to come on and say my weight, or say how bad I've been. So I say - ah - tomorrow I'll blog after I'm good today. But that just doesn't work sometimes.

So here's declaring. THIS BLOG IS FOR ME. Well duh, you say, who else would it be for? Well, no one in particular, but when you know someone's reading (even if it's only like 3 someones) you feel an obligation to do good. Well, I don't always do good. It's hard to lose weight. And you know what? I can still be a good person even if I don't.

So I'm back, I hope with the same goals, but hopefully not the same fears. Ironically I forgot to weigh myself this morning. Not at all in anticipation of this post. Yesterday morning i was at 217.4, so I'm sure I'm somewhere around there.

So - life is good otherwise. I've finally got some work to do, which translates to TONS of work to do. That's pretty much how it goes, though. Feast or famine. But it's better. I billed less than 100 hours last month (I should average b/w 160-180 each month). And this month until this week I hadn't billed even 40. So this is good. I'm not at a place where I worry about my job in the short run, but if that pace kept up, there'd definitely be trouble.

In other news, I've re-found my obsession with poker. I never really quit playing, and Erik and I have always gone out 1-2 nights a week to play with friends, but recently bought a book by a player I respect greatly, Gus Hansen, called Every Hand Revealed. It's basically the story of how he won the Aussie Millions - a huge annual poker tournament in Australia - in 2007. He tells every hand he played, the circumstance of the table, and his thought process behind is decisions. Fantastically boring for a non-poker player I'm sure, but exceptionally helpful to me. It got me inspired. I'm back playing online, and doing pretty well. I put $100 on my PokerStars account a week ago and have about $300 now. I'm going to try to build up a bankroll for Erik & my September trip to Vegas. We'll see how it goes, but right now I'm really lovin it.

Other than that, wedding plans are going fine. I'm sure there's something I should be doing right now but all the major stuff is taken care of, and we're down to details. I think it'll all work out just fine.

That's about it for now. I'm going to try to stay on the blogging thing. For me. It sure can't hurt. :-)

don't feel like blogging

2008-06-09T13:28:00.002-04:00

217.0 (eh).

MONDAY

Not really in the mood to blog today, or the last week really. I'm kinda in a funk. Not sure why. Erik & I got in a fight last night that started over something small then got me all worked up. We're fine now, but it was emotionally draining. I've missed 3 boot camps now, after not making it this morning. I did email my instructors today though and promised to be there tomorrow. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm very slow at work, which leads to stress about my job security. I know it's not just me, but I still stress.

Anyway - hopefully I'll snap out of this shortly. I'm not loving life right now, though even in saying that I realize how selfish that is and how many blessings I have. Why is it sometimes hard to appreciate them?

Epi-lasik Update

2008-06-04T12:05:00.004-04:00

216.2

WEDNESDAY

Well, I went in for my 6 week check up yesterday after my Epi-Lasik eye surgery. And ... drum roll please... I have 20/15 in both eyes. *cheer* I knew I could see well, mostly because I don't think about my vision anymore, but it was wonderful to hear that is better than "perfect". I'm so pleased. Hopefully it'll stay that way. I don't have my next check up until August, so we'll see then, but i should be good to go. The Dr. was very pleased.

And, I don't have any of the bad side effects others have complained about. I don't have dry eyes, which may be because I had Epi-Lasik rather than traditional Lasik - I seem to remember reading/hearing that was one of the differences. I don't have halo's or night vision problems. Frankly I feel like I see exactly like I used to with my torric contact lenses in. But with out the troublesome eye irritation from the contacts. Very nice!

No other major update. Today we had "off" from boot camp - one of two week days during the month where we have a break. I was so excited to sleep in, but I think my body has become accustomed to the early morning wake up's (could it be true?!?) because I woke up at 4:45 on the dot, then kept waking up every 30-45 minutes until finally I gave up 30 minutes before my alarm went off. Crazy. I didn't think it was possible. But - back to boot camp tomorrow, so all's well.

On the food front, I still can't commit it seems. Yesterday is a perfect example. I was PERFECT all the way until dinner. Where I had a burger and fries. Boo. I'm trying to counteract this with getting in as much exercise as possible - adding WiiFit workouts to the days I have boot camp. But sheesh - I've got 88 more days. Where am I going to get the motivation to commit?

Same ol' same ol.

I did pick up my bridesmaid dresses yesterday, which look great. I also paid off my dress. And in a hope to feel inspired and motivated, had the clerk write down the body measurements I had taken when I ordered the dress. My thought was that, though I haven't lost a ton of weight, hopefully I've lost inches from the boot camp. I'm going to try to remember to measure tonight.

That's about it...

90 Days and COUNTING.

2008-06-02T12:18:00.005-04:00

215.8

MONDAY

This weekend was nice. Except for a little tiff on Friday night with Erik. I got to see Sex and the City twice on Friday. Once with work people, once with my girl friends. Very nice. I got to share a beer with my fellow boot camp graduates. That was nice as well. And after Erik apologized and realized how wrong he was on Friday, Saturday and Sunday shaped up nice as well. Saturday we bought our wedding bands and ordered the tuxes for the wedding. Check and Check off the to do list. Then we went to a friend of his's house for his friend's son's graduation party. That was nice. Then we went home and watched movies together while drinking beer (my last binge for a while, I hope). Sunday we worked on the house. A lot. I got my office set up, did the grocery shopping. He got our seasonal stuff put away in the attic and the yard trimmed/edged. Not a bad day. Then we had a nice dinner at a Japanese Hibachi restaurant.

Didn't want to come to work today...wanted a longer weekend.

Oh well -this morning was the first day of a new month of boot camp. There were only about 8 or 10 new people, and probably 10 or 12 returning people. So it'll be a smaller class this time unless a lot of new people sign up last minute (like I did last month).

So this month, my focus is food. Last month it was surviving the obscenely early morning workouts. Now I feel strong at the workouts, so I need to try to really incorporate their food plan. I'm at 215.8 today. I hope to be under 210 by the end of the month. That's the plan. I know if I do well on food I can do it. It's the unplanned binges that put me behind.

So - today has started off well. I've got 2 of my 5-6 small meals eaten with a plan for all but my dinner, which I have lots of choices at home for. And I hope to get 2 work-outs a day in. On at boot camp and one on either the WiiFit or Treadmill at home at night. I've got 90 days till the wedding. 90 days. That will go SOOO fast, I know it.

Oh and for further motivation? The ring I picked out for my wedding band came in a size 7. They agreed to size it for me, but we decided to wait until closer to the wedding to see what the right size will be. Already I'm down to a 7 1/2 from a 8 1/4 that my engagement ring is. We're getting that sized too. But if I can get down to a 7, no need to size the band, just need to size the engagement ring. I have no idea how many pounds I need to lose to drop .5 size in a wedding band, but hell, it'd be nice recognition if I can do it.

Here we goooooo.

Now I just have to get my work done that's due today.

Oh

Graduation!

2008-05-30T13:58:00.003-04:00

216.8 (down a little bit more...)

FRIDAY

TGIF! I'm totally psyched about today. It started wonderfully at 5:00 am (believe it or not). Today was our last day of boot camp - for this session. We had our "post-test" and I totally improved a lot. Here's the stats:

Pre Test (May 9)
Push ups in 1 min: 0 regular, 18 facilitated (on knees)
Sit ups in 1 min: 25
Dips in 1 min: 19 regular (legs straight), 20 facilitated (legs bent)
1 mile run: 9:09 minutes

Post Test (Today)
Push ups in 1 min: 7 regular, 28 facilitated
Sit ups in 1 min: 32
Dips in 1 min: 20 regular, 30 facilitated
1 mile run: 8:34 minutes!

So, I shaved 35 seconds off my mile run, and added a whole bunch of strength. I'm lovin it! Especially since I haven't seen massive movement in the scale, which I know is due to my lack of commitment to the food plan. I'm hoping next month will be better on that front.

So now, we have our graduate party tonight. Our instructors are buying us each a drink (because supposedly we haven't drank all month. I doubt many stuck to it that religiously, though it would have been nice, I'm sure.)

But - before that I have a crazy day planned. I had made plans a month ago to see the Sex and the City premier with Holly and a couple other friends. She bought the tickets and we're going at the 10:45 showing tonight. Before that is the graduation party at 7:00 where I'll allow myself 2 drinks, since I'm driving to the movie.

Then earlier this week, I got an email from a young partner at my firm that she is organizing a "girls day out" with our female summer associates to go to the Sex and the City premier at 3:30 today. She wanted as many women attorneys as could to go and bond with our summers. So I asked Holly if she'd be totally pissed if I saw it early and then again with them. She completely understood. So I'm leaving work today at 3:00 to go see the movie. Then home to get ready for the party, then off to see it again. Crazy. but so fun.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I think it'll be good for Erik & I. We've had a crazy month or so, and really haven't connected just the two of us much. Last weekend was Michigan trip, the weekend before that he had daniel, the weekend before that my mom was in town and the weekend before that I was in Panama City for bike-week. So this is our first weekend, just the two of us, in a long time. We need it. All is good, and I totally love this man, but I feel like we've not connected emotionally or physically very well in a while. I need me some Erik time.

So, our plans for the weekend - he's going with me to the graduation party, but not the movie (he doesn't get the SATC fascination). Tomorrow we're getting up early for a bonus workout for my boot camp (a recruiting measure b/w sessions). Then we're going to pick out tuxes and wedding bands. In the afternoon we're going to a high school graduation party for the son of a good friend of his. Then we might find somewhere to play poker together tomorrow night.

Sunday is church and working on the house. And probably work for me, since I have not accomplished much this week and have a project due Monday.

We have some plans, but I think it'll still be relaxing. Nice to be with just him and me.

Then Monday starts Boot Camp - Month 2. Another "pre-test" I'm sure, then off and running trying to improve even more. I'm excited!

Tanning makes you Thin!

2008-05-28T14:33:00.002-04:00

217.2 (down a bit at least)

WEDNESDAY

So yesterday wasn't bad. I had a pretty good day food wise and got in two exercise sessions - one at boot camp and one at home on the Wii Fit - my new obsession. It was the first time I've gotten on it since the Michigan trip, and of course it was last night after dinner, so I wasn't surprised with the bouncy little scale was sad that I had gained 4 lbs since my last visit. I expect it to go down as the week progresses. I had fun though and did a good number of yoga, strength and cardio workouts along with the fun balance games it has. I've unlocked a new balance game that I cannot manage to beat yet. Which is good I guess, I'd get bored if I could beat them all immediately, but this one is just frustrating me! Oh well - makes it that more of a challenge I guess.

This morning's boot camp was killer. It's the last week of the month session, so they're really trying to kick our butts, knowing we're stronger than we were when we started. And boy did they. They had a guest trainer from the Atlanta boot camp, and he was crazy strong. Very motivating though, and a killer work out that I felt great about afterwards. After my shower and 90 minute power nap before work, I was actually sore already. Now that might be a combination of yesterday's long run for boot camp, last nights WiiFit strength training AND this morning's butt kicking, but either way, I'm glad. I like being this kind of sore - makes me know it's working.

So hopefully this scale will continue to creep back down this week. I knew I'd done a good bit of damage over the weekend with the Michigan trip. Good news is the only other travel plans this summer before wedding stuff starts is a short trip over 4th of July weekend to see my family. That gives me all of June with no travel, no big weekend party plans, and a good time to really see some progress on the scale/strength meters. I'm looking forward to it!

So my tanning contract expired last week and I decided to wait until after the MI trip to renew it. I did so this morning and after some difficulties with the new staff member who put me in the wrong bed, I got 15 minutes in and felt great. Had a co-worker comment on how "tan" I look. The one thing I've noticed, and I may have posted about this before, is that tanning is a great way to look thinner, even if you've not lost weight. I find that people often notice when I look tan and rather than saying "you look tan" they usually say "you look great - have you lost weight?". So - in lieu of a good weight loss month, I'll take a good tan.

That said - I'm not a fan of long term tanning. I'm doing this for the wedding, and I did it last year for a couple months for Holly's wedding. I probably won't tan again for a long while. I hate the way older women, who've obviously tanned their whole lives, look. Very leathery. I don't want that type of skin. So after the wedding photos, I'll be going back to my natural pasty whiteness I think. Meanwhile, I'll enjoy the benefits of a tan(ner) body!

Long Glutenous Weekend & I HATE UNITED

2008-05-27T14:38:00.002-04:00

217.6 (good considering...)

TUESDAY

I had a great weekend. For the most part. Once we got there. Ok, so traveling sucked. I HATE United now, and will never, by choice, fly them again. We flew out on Friday afternoon. Even though we live in Atlanta, the hub of Delta, where we can always get direct flights, we choose to fly United and do a layover in Chicago. Mostly because we waited too long and the United flight was significantly cheaper than the Delta direct. When you're flying 3 people, you need to find the cheapest flights you can.

So, we're already spoiled in that we never usually have to deal with a layover. But this time we did. Ok, no big deal, right? Our flight to Chicago left almost on time. Then we had a 2 1/2 hour layover, which wouldn't be so bad if you weren't traveling with a 5 year old. So we had dinner, and tried to entertain him as best we could. Then we took our short flight to Lansing, MI - about 30 mins away from Erik's parents house. This was a small flight in a small plane. Probably only about 50 people on the entire plane and it wasn't full. Of course, when we landed in Lansing, about 8:00, we only got one of the bags. And not the one with our clothes, just the little one that we put our toilettries in. The worst part about it - besides the fact that we had a 2 1/2 HOUR LAYOVER so there was no excuse - was that about 15% of the passengers on the plane didn't get their luggage. So it wasn't a mere oversight - it was a pervasive problem. According to the United rep in lansing, this is typical out of Chicago. Typical? To lose 15% of the bags?

So, we went home to promises that it would be on the next flight (11:30 pm) and be delivered to our house within 4 hours. Which sucks because we'd be waiting by the phone for the courier to call up to 4:00 am, but at least we'd have our bags. Oh no - we don't get a call, or a delivery. By 8:00 am, Erik's pissed and calls the airline's 800 number. Which of course is directed to INDIA. And that person says our bags are still in Lansing, but will be delivered by 12:30. Unhappy, but at least having obtained a promise as to a delivery time, Erik hangs up. 12:30 comes and goes - no bags, no call. Lie #1. Erik calls back and this time is told, "we've already delivered" them. Excuse me? We have been here the whole time, never got the promised call, never got the promised bags. Lie #2. Finally, after about 4 more phone calls to India and a very rude courier, our luggage arrives about 1:30. For our trouble? We are offered a $25 gift certificate to ride United. Um...don't bother.

So time in MI is wonderful - see family, sleep, read, and eat eat eat. We're set to fly out yesterday. Our flight out of Lansing goes fine - to Chicago, where we're supposed to have a 1 hour layover. We get off the flight and see that we're delayed but 1 1/2 hours. Grrrr. And they can't even tell us what gate we'll be at. So we can't take our stuff, and 5 year old and plop down somewhere because we don't know where we need to be. So we go to their "customer service counter," which consists of a large counter with 6-10 phones and computer screens - completely UNMANNED. Not a single united agent in site at the "custemer service desk". So we get on the phone and are told that our plane is coming from Singapore and was late taking off. When Erik gets irritated, the lady on the phone (probably in India) tells him he can go to any united agent and get issued a meal voucher for our trouble. He asks for a confirmation number or something to ensure we get such a voucher, and she says we don't need one, just ask any agent. So we do. And 2 different agents tell us, hell no - they can't issue vouchers for a 1 1/2 hour delay on a flight that doesn't even serve food. Ok. That's lie number 3.

We're done at this point. There's no convincing us that United gives a SHIT about customer service. Their M.O. appears to be "get you off the phone as soon as possible" and "pawn you off on someone else" and "hope you get tired of asking for what you're promised." Done. Ridiculous.

So we didn't end up getting home till almost midnight last night. Very frustrating. Thank goodness the visit with family was good, but we will never fly United, and hopefully will never deal with a layover again.

This morning was back to boot camp. I was really looking forward to it, in fact, since I had such a horrible weekend food-wise. And this morning ROCKED. We ran about 4-5 miles. About 50 mintues straight. I only walked for maybe 3 minutes total, near the end. I felt so good, and I definitely needed it after this weekend. This is the last week of the original boot camp month and we have our graduation party on Friday night. Then I start fresh with a new month on Monday. I'm glad I committed. It's actually getting easier to get up at 5:00 am now that I've done it for a month - of couse it helps when I can go back to bed for a 90 minute power nap before heading into work, like this morning.

Michigan here I come & Wii Fit

2008-05-23T10:31:00.003-04:00

217.8 (whatever)

FRIDAY

Well it's been a good week other than the food thing. I've really lost my focus there. But I do have some good news, regardless. I've had at least 5 people, over the last 48 hours, tell me that I really look great, that they can see the difference. Which is wonderful. I think there's two things that have caused this. 1) I've been doing really good with this boot camp - and it's showing, particularly in my muscle tone. Although I haven't dropped massive amounts of weight, I know I've gotten a lot stronger, so that may be what people are noticing. 2) I've been tanning. I've noticed that even if you're not losing weight/toning up, a tan makes you look thinner. I don't know why, maybe it's that "healthy glow" it gives you, like you've been out in the sun recently, but it works. I've been doing the fake tanning, but the result is the same.

Either way, I like it. I'm going out of town this weekend, but once I get back, I'm going to be right at 3 months until the wedding. I hope to be able to do even better over the next few months and really tone up. That said - the work I've done so far, already has made a difference, and if for some reason I don't make any more progress, I know I'll fit into my wedding dress and look good - if not as good as I could, I'll still look good.

I'm not giving up - I'm still motivated to make a big difference, but I'm also staying positive so I don't beat myself up too much if I don't reach my goals.

Anyway, Erik & I leave today with Daniel to go to Michigan for a short vacation. We fly out at about 2:00 and get back on Monday afternoon. We usually go up there once a year for a week or so, but this time, with the wedding coming up and all, we could only work out a long weekend. So, off we go.

I'm going to try to keep things in check this weekend. I always eat really crazy in Michigan because his dad is a really good cook and they make massive meals once or twice a day. I'm going to try to reduce my portions, and get in a good run both Sat. & Sun. That's the plan - hopefully I can execute. The good news is I always get a lot of sleep in Michigan. Which is wonderful and something I've been a little short on recently.

In other news, Erik & I got our Wii Fit on Wednesday. It is SOOOOO cool. I absolutely love it. Even if it does make my character look really tubby after my weigh in (motivation I guess). The exercises and games are really fun and some of them are really challenging. I definitely think that Wii Fit will be a nice compliment to the work I'm already doing. I fun way to burn a few more calories in the day. We got it Wednesday night and Erik & I stayed up until 11:30 playing it, knowing we were both getting up at 5:00 am the next morning for boot camp (it was bring a friend day). But we're competitive, and we found that each of us have particular strengths. I'm good at the dancing/balance games, he's good at the technique/sport games. I'll probably post more about this after we get back from Michigan and as I figure it out more, but so far all signs point to LOVING the Wii Fit!

I think that's about it. I leave for the airport in about an hour, so need to get some work wrapped up.

Grand Jury is fun!

2008-05-21T11:16:00.003-04:00

216.2 (grrr).

WEDNESDAY

This week has been crazy busy, but really refreshing, too. Late last week I picked up a new matter that is in the area I want to work - White Collar. I can't say too much for confidentiality reasons, but basically we have a client who's being accused of anti-trust violations that have both civil and criminal ramifications. Yesterday the president/ceo of our client and two other employees, along with 2 former employees were subpoenaed before the federal grand jury here in Atlanta. I got to help prep the witnesses on Monday and attend the grand jury yesterday (well actually we couldn't go "in" to the grand jury, but it appears very similar to the state court grand juries I did as a prosecutor). Huge deal for our client, very interesting for me. I'm so happy to be on this case, and HOPE I can get into some more of those type of matters.

It's all the more important because I was really getting bored with my job. I'm only on one "real" case and the rest of my time is filled with helping out with various small matters. The firm is working on integrating me more, but meanwhile, it hasn't been all that rewarding. So this week was a nice change of pace.

Fitness -wise this week's been tough - as evidenced by the number on the scale this morning, which is actually lower than yesterday's 216.6. I had to miss boot camp yesterday to meet our client before the grand jury, and have generally just eaten poorly for the last 2 days. I really need to focus and get things back on track. I've got 1.5 weeks left of this boot camp and I'd really like to see another couple pounds gone. I still think it's been really helpful, but without keeping my food in check I won't see the results I want.

I have already decided to "re-up" for another 3 months of boot camp. Getting up at 5:00 am sucks, but I feel SOO good afterwards, and I'm really starting to bond with my trainers. And frankly, it's working. Even if I'm not seeing dramatic drops in the scale, I'm definitely stronger than when I started. I can do more sit ups, more push ups, more dips, and so many other things than when I started. I needed this to get me the strength training I've so avoided for so long. So, I'm in for the remainder of the time before the wedding. I need to do this.

Today I'm going to try to have a really good food day because I have Weigh In tomorrow for Weight Watchers. I'm pretty sure I'll see a loss regardless, but want it to be as good as possible. I already turned down a lunch invitation so I could make good choices here in the office instead (go me!).

Here's to a good day!

And the Beat Goes On...

2008-05-19T11:34:00.002-04:00

215.6

MONDAY

Another week! And going to be a busy one at that. Today I'm prepping witnesses for federal gran jury testimony tomorrow and Wednesday. Thursday looks chill right now, but Friday Erik, Daniel and I are flying to Michigan for a short vacation over memorial day. Busy busy.

Good weekend overall with just a few stumbles. Yes, Friday night I was "ok". I ended up going out and had 2 beers and an "ok" dinner. But Saturday ROCKED. I ate just as I was supposed to and got a lot done including, watching Daniel's final baseball game, grocery shopping, laundry (including sheets!) AND I run 4.25 miles. Not bad. I was thus rewarded with a 213.8 on the scale Sunday morning. Very nice. My first "213" yet, even if it was a "barely".

Yesterday wasn't bad, but ended not so good. We went to church, then I had to bill some hours for work getting a memo done that I wasn't going to have time to finish this week. I got it done, though, and that's what matters. I was absolutely starving all day, though. I think in part because I had such a low cal day on Saturday. I did good with my choices until about 7:00 pm. Erik had been out running errands, and I was craving food not in my house, so we ended up going to mexican. I didn't go crazy (i.e. margarita's and queso dip) but did, of course eat mexican - which is never good. Thus the scale this morning. Which isn't too bad considering. I'm happy that my "high days" still have me down a good solid 10lbs.

This morning's boot camp was nice, even with the "encouragement" I had to endure. We did sprints along with some strength exercises. I can definitely tell that I'm getting stronger. I can do way more push-ups (yes, on my knees) than I could before. Maybe soon I'll graduate to the "real" ones.

This Thursday is "friends and family" day for boot camp and Erik is ridiculously excited, even if he won't admit it. He even got up this morning at about 5:30 and ran on our treadmill. Something he hasn't done for at least a couple weeks. It's too cute. I think he's really worried he'll look like such a wimp. In reality, there is such a broad range of fitness abilities, that he will be fine, but I'm kinda liking his stressing about it. It's cute.

So I've completed 8 days of the boot camp. It's supposed to be 18 total, but I missed the first two, so for me it's 16. Meaning I'm half way through. I'm pleased with my progress, though I need to keep up better with the food choices to ensure the best results. I'd love to lose 30 lbs in the next 3 1/2 months, but realistically, if I see under 200 before the wedding, I'll feel like a great success.

I can DO it!

Bam! Off the Wagon...

2008-05-16T14:46:00.003-04:00

217.4 (see title)

FRIDAY

Ok, so I fell. Hard. Yesterday was a crazy hectic day after 12:00 pm. I was running around with a partner on a new case that is really cool and exciting, but really stressful too. I didn't get a good snack in for the afternoon, and then Erik & I decided to go out to Y-knots for poker. We haven't been out for a while with family obligations and all. So, I fell. Hard. I got to Y-knots tired, stressed and hungry. I.e. recipe for a major beer craving. Now, excluding my trip to Panama City to see my family, I haven't drank in a month. This from a girl that probably put away about 15 or so beers a week. At least. So, I was craving hard, and I totally gave in. Course giving into the bucket of beer (to share with Erik!) quickly led to giving into bad food choices for dinner - i.e. buffalo chicken fingers, tater tots & ranch. Grrr. Why? So not necessary.

So all in all I had 3 1/2 beers (including one once we got home). And yes, I was definitely tipsy from them. But I did get to sleep by 10:30. So I did make it to boot camp this morning after all, even if I was feeling a bit tired. Good work out - didn't feel like it at first, but got into it after the warm up.

Today I've still not crawled up on the wagon. I'm such a creature of habit that when my routine gets messed up, I lose it. This morning I had a dentist appointment at 9:00 am. I got an email from the partner I'm working with at 7:00 am this morning asking my to drop by when I get in to discuss some projects. I emailed him and subsequently talked to him on the phone about my dentist appointment but bottom line, I ended up rushing into work after getting my tooth drilled. I had a small snack after my work out at 6:30 am, but didn't want to eat before my dentist appointment. Then I was all numb afterwards, and didn't want to try to eat with half my face not working, so I didn't end up getting lunch till about 1:00 pm. When I was ravenously hungry and ended up getting a chick-fil-a sandwich AND a Moe's naked burrito AND tortilla chips from our cafeteria downstairs. Who eats like this? I figured maybe I could be strong and not eat the chips, which came with the Moe's order (thus I didn't intentionally purchase that much food...). But no - I have no will power. I used to be smart enough to just say - "no chips please". Why didn't I do that today? Because I secretly knew I'd eat every one of those chips and enjoy it.

So now it's 3:00 pm and I'm full, bloated, blah feeling. Not at all the "program" I'm supposed to be on with 5-6 small meals. I don't feel like eating again at all today, though I'm sure that'll change in a few hours, knowing me. Uck.

On top of that Erik & I got into an emotional discussion last night (after my 3 1/2 beers) about my weight issues, self esteem issues, body issues, etc., and how I didn't feel like he was really noticing all the hard work I was doing. It's all worked out, though. Bottom line is he's just not a strong communicator, and though I know he loves me and finds me attractive, he doesn't say it much because that's just him. He promised to work on it and I promised to try to not get emotional again too soon.. Lol.

So yeah, the last 24 hours have kinda sucked.

And now I'm looking at a weekend where I'm definitely going to have to work. I've had a project I've been futzing around with that is due Monday and I haven't been able to work on it the last two days with this new case. So I need to buckle down and work on that this afternoon. Get as much done as possible so I'm not stuck with too much this weekend.

Good news is we have no social plans this weekend except a poker game Sunday night. At a friends house, not at a bar, so no temptations should exist. I should definitely be able to get in some exercise, and most importantly considering my emotional state - some sleep. I WILL be sleeping in tomorrow, and loving every minute of it.

That's about it - ah the life of a lawyer-bride. :-)

I'm rocking the exercise, and boy my body hurts!

2008-05-15T10:33:00.002-04:00

214.8 (better - now, can we see a 213?!?)

THURSDAY

I am VERY proud to say that I DID hit the treadmill last night. That's right. I got home about 7:45. I hit the treadmill at about 8:00 for 30 minutes, 2 1/2 miles, and about 400 calories burned. Not bad! I also ate a lot at work and lunch yesterday so didn't have anything to eat after I got home mostly because I just wasn't hungry, and I didn't want to kill the hard work I'd just done.

I think I'm starting to get more used to the morning routine because last night, probably for the first night, I just about slept through the whole night. I'm a really light sleeper and generally wake up several times a night naturally. Last night I went to bed at 10:00 - just after American Idol finished - and only woke up once at about 11:30 to pee (normal for me with all the water I'm chuggin these days). The next time I remember waking up was when the alarm went off at 5:00. Not bad. I'm still not quite getting enough sleep, but I'm slowly working my bed time back. It used to be midnight, so 10 is an accomplishment.

Granted Erik's not used to it yet. He tried to get frisky after Idol, and I straight up told him that while I'm doing this boot camp, any "extra-curricular" activities, need to be initiated before 10 pm. Or he's just out of luck. ;-)

This morning we did "field maneuvers", which basically means lots of strength work. We did about 110 reps of dips, sit ups, push ups, and leg lifts, mixed in with some running and lunges. Fun fun!

So I am really sore today. I knew this was coming when I signed up, but boy it hurts. Odd places too. Each day I seem to have a different sore spot. Which is good in the sense that it shows we're working lots of different muscles. But I'd hoped that after a week or so the soreness would be minimal. Today my "obliques" are sore. That's like the sides of your body between your armpit and hips. We did a little work on those yesterday but I really didn't think the exercises were that hard. I guess my body thought they were. Oww. And my backs a little sore today too, though not in the bad way (sharp pain) in the dull ache-muscle soreness type of way.

So I don't think I'll be hitting the treadmill tonight. I just got word that I'm picking up a new project today - in the white collar area - which I'm really excited about. I'm waiting now for the partner to call me. His email suggested some deadlines next week, so I might actually be busy this week, and possibly work this weekend. Which could really help my hours. I need to bill some time baby! All that by way of saying, no extra work-out today. And I'm going to make a serious effort to be in bed by 9:00 tonight to get LOTS of sleep.

In other news - I'm "re-starting" weight watchers today. I probably shouldn't. I'm not planning on actually using their plan. But as I think I said before, we have it at my work, and they weigh in's are on Thursdays at lunch. I have a friend who sits next to me to goes with me. I'd like to use it as an "official weigh in" system rather than a food system. Right now I'm really enjoying the body-for-life system of eating. I got the book in yesterday (titled "eating for lifestyle") and really feel like this is something I can do. Of course the book's system gives you one "cheat" day a week where you can eat anything. Apparently operation boot camp doesn't seem to think that's necessary. Oh well - I can do anything for 3 1/2 more months, right? All for the dress! :-)

Bad Trainer

2008-05-14T13:34:00.002-04:00

215.4.

WEDNESDAY

HUMP day. Boy, I never was one of those people who really counted down the days to the weekend until now. I want to sleep in! :-) Oh well - two more days.

My mom left to go back home to Tennessee today. I'm very sad to see her go, but understand she misses her home, cats and the rest of the family who live out there. She did promise to come back, though, despite the fact that she worked so hard while here - 90% was her own motivation, not demands from me. I'm sad to see her go, but glad she got to spend about a week here.

So last night I took her to Outback for dinner. I wanted to treat her before she left, and knew I could be "ok" there diet wise. I was good and ordered the 9 oz lean sirloin and a salad. I was bad and also ordered mashed potatoes, and ate them all, along with the steak, and salad, and a few small slices of bread.

So - I logged it all in my boot camp journal, expecting to be "encouraged" again this morning. But nope. I got the "bad" trainer. See the way this boot camp works is that our class is divided into "companies". I'm in Charlie company (I bet you can guess the other two...yes, Alpha & Bravo). Anyway, we also have 3 trainers, Allen David & Kevin. Each week a different trainer is assigned to a different company. Last week I had David. This week I have Kevin. Now, Kevin is clearly new, I even asked him the first day how long he'd been doing this and he candidly said "a couple months". I suspect this is his first month as an actual trainer. Anyway, he sucks. And not just because he's new. He's just not cut out to be a trainer. One of the cool things about the other two is they keep you motivated. They keep you working. If they're around, they're calling out your name, saying "Come on Cindy - one more sprint" or "Come on Cindy, get a little lower in your lunges". etc. Kevin? The best he can come up with is "Great job everyone" or "keep moving, you're doing great". And most of the time he doesn't say anything. He's just not the right personality type to be a trainer in this environment. So it's a little disappointing when I'm in his group.

That said, I guess it worked out to my advantage today because he apparently didn't see anything wrong with my food entry of "sirloin steak, salad, mashed potatoes". Now, first of all, I did legitimately forget to write down the bread. I honestly thought I'd get "encouragement" anyway for the mashed potatoes, so I certainly didn't intentionally leave it out. But the thing is - any of the other trainers would have questioned that entry. It's not that we don't get to eat potatoes, we're just supposed to limit them, and minimize the toppings/additives/etc. If asked, I would have told him it was from Outback which would definitely have been a no-no. I should have ordered broccoli or green beans or something. But nah - he felt I was all good.

Oh well. I probably should have gone to encouragement anyway - they do let you voluntarily go if you like - but it was easier, of course, to just get on the car and go home. I needed it though - I had over 2200 calories yesterday, when the rest of this last week I've hovered around 1500 which is much better. So I should have burned the extra calories, and I'm sure that's why the scale crept up a bit today.

So, I have tentative plans to hit the treadmill tonight. In part to atone for missing encouragement, and in part because we didn't get much cardio in today. We did an ab circuit training thing which I will definitely feel tomorrow, but I'm certain I burned less calories than normal. So I'd like to kick it up a notch and try to run. Additionally, with the boot camp I haven't been on the treadmill in over a week. I want to keep running and eventually do a half marathon, so I need to keep at it. Wish me luck - finding motivation at 8:00 pm is hard.

I love my Mom!

2008-05-13T12:24:00.002-04:00

215.0 (not bad)

TUESDAY

Well today will be short because I actually have work to do. I was in court this morning and have to be back at 1:30. Anyway, all is going well. Today's boot camp was good. We did running sprints up hills. Total killer but felt great. More ab work and lunges have made my butt sore - which is funny to me. No encouragement today - I was good yesterday!

Well, my mom's been in town since last Thursday and has been a big help getting things done at the house. Yesterday she planted a whole lot of flowers in my back yard, and also hung most of our big pictures as well as added some fake flowers and other misc. decorating things. This is stuff I would never have done. Not because I don't like it, but because I'm just not good at figuring out this stuff. So I'm so pleased. My house looks so much "homier".

Only bad thing is that it's gotten a bit cool this week in good ol' Georgia. Not too bad during the day (mid-70's) but damn getting up at 5:00 am and going outside when it's below 50 sucks. Yes. I'm a wimp to all you northerners. But I live in the south. And it's supposed to be warm in May! Hopefully it'll heat up soon.

Anyway - gotta run to court. Hope to see the scale in the 214's again tomorrow...

Encouragement (i.e. punishment)

2008-05-12T11:18:00.002-04:00

214.6 (oh yeah.)

MONDAY

I had a GREAT weekend. But it went by WAY too fast. My mom came into town on Thursday last week to help get my house in order, and just make her first visit to my new home. It's so great having her there. My mom and I are totally best friends and I miss her so much when we don't get to see each other. Besides, she's super helpful around the house. I am a HORRIBLE decorator. I mean, really bad. I have no idea how to position things to look good. So she came in and has already put up a bunch of our pictures, and repositioned things so they look really good.

So, Saturday I was going to get up and run a 5K that that guy Josh in my boot camp told me about. I had Erik all convinced to go, and mom ready to come watch. But right before bed, I nixed the idea because I realized I only get 2 days a week to really catch up on sleep. I shouldn't squander them. Even if it is for exercise.

So, Saturday morning I slept wonderfully till 10:00 am. Almost 11 hours of sleep. You can tell I needed it I think. Once we got up, mom and I went up to IKEA, just about the coolest furniture store ever, and bought me some bookcases. Well, turns out I didn't need to go running that morning because we got our workout buying those bookcases. I measured the wall in my soon-to-be library and determined we needed about 7 of these really big bookcases, plus 7 more "height extenders" to make it almost as tall as the ceiling. Boy were they heavy! Ikea gives you these rolling carts like at home depot to carry everything (they are in boxes to be put together by you), and we totally overloaded the first one. to the point it wouldn't roll! We had to separate the stock to two of these big rolley carts, and still got a work out pushing them out to the car. Then loading them was a hoot. We had my mom's Jeep Liberty. We measured the depth and came up with 70 inches. I thought the bookshelves I wanted were about 72, so I knew it'd be tight. Turns out they're 79 1/2 inches. So mom was scrunched all the way up with her knees on the dash, and still we had several of the boxes sticking through the seats between us. Oh and then we had a 35 mile drive. Lol. Good thing my mom's a good sport.

We got them home, and I put on of them together, thinking I'd get Erik to do the rest. Well, when he got home, we ended up putting them all together, together. Kinda a funny project, as I kept having to tell him what he was doing wrong (boy REFUSES to read directions). But we got it done.

Then I started opening the book boxes. I LOVE books by the way. And I had boxes and boxes full of them just sitting in the library. I didn't think I'd have the energy to put them all away Saturday night, but I was just so excited, I totally did. Of course I had to organize them, popular paperback fiction by author, literary paperback fiction by author, hardbound by author, then all the non-fiction by subject matter, plus a whole section for my law books, and then all my text books from colleges (the ones I didn't sell back.) I LOVE it. I have 180 inches wide by 92 inches tall worth of bookshelves with all my books put up. I actually managed to fill about 60-70% of it, though in looking at it I decided I just didn't have enough books yet. Much to Erik's dismay...

So we were up till about 1:00 am doing that on Saturday. Sunday I took mom to the resort I'm having my wedding at to have their Sunday "brunch" and taste some of the options for our rehearsal lunch. She also got to see where everyone will stay and where the ceremony will be. Then we went home and just hung out the rest of the night. Oh and Erik bought a new microwave and installed that - which was actually rather difficult because it's one of those over the stove, under the cabinet kinds... Oh - and we bought a bunch of plants at home depot that mom has graciously put in my back courtyard (love her!) Ah - fun housework...

So this morning was the return to boot camp. Where I got "encouraged" Which is their polite way of saying "punished". Basically they review your food journal and if you weren't perfect, you get encouragement. I wasn't perfect in two ways. 1) besides pushing around bookshelves and putting them together, I didn't exercise like I was supposed to this weekend, and 2) Sunday's food wasn't on track b/c of the tasting. Couldn't get away from that, just have to suck it up.

It wasn't so bad, though. Encouragement consists of an extra 5 minutes after cool down where they push push push you. Today it was ab work and we literally did 5 STRAIGHT minutes of ab crunches, flutter kicks, plank, and many other torturous moves. I will definitely feel that tomorrow.

So I'm loving this boot camp. I will not lie, I am not loving getting up so early. But this morning I determined that if I lay my clothes out the night before I can get up at 5:00 and still be there in plenty of time to get my book checked by the instructor before the 5:30 am start time. Which is still obscenely early, but sounds much more reasonable than any time with a 4 in front of it.

I'm only 3 days in, but I really think I'm going to try to do this all the way to the wedding. After this week, I've got 15 weeks. It works out that if I do the next three sessions of the boot camp I'll go right up till the Friday 9 days before the wedding (which is on a Sunday). So I'll have the week of the wedding "off" which is perfect. I'll have lots of guests in town that week anyway, so don't want to be running off and leaving them too much. It's going to cost another $650 to add 3 more months, but I really think it'd be worth it.

I'm holding off on committing for at least another week or so, but boy my class is full, and I'd hate to be shut out. It's the only one convenient for me to go to. I'm sure I'll cave and commit soon, but I do want to be sure I can hack it. And I'm still really new to it, so I should give it a little more time.

That's about it. Need to get some work done!

Boot Camp Day 2...

2008-05-09T11:27:00.003-04:00

219.0 (oww. sore - i.e. water retention anyone?)

FRIDAY

Yes, so I have nothing else to talk about right now. Or maybe I do, but I can't seem to focus on anything but oww. My body hurts. I totally love it though and love that I've committed to it and that commitment doesn't require me deciding when to exercise in the day. I've had tons of "recommitments" to exercising and dieting, but this is the first one where I really have someone else looking over my shoulder. And I paid them a whole bunch to do the looking... So, I think I'll be able to stick with it. At least for the month, and hopefully more.

On that note I spoke to several people who are "vetrans" meaning this is not their first month. That they have such a good return rate bodes well for me.

Funny story happened this week. Yesterday at my first work out, something odd happened. Now remember it's 5-freakin-30 in the morning so it's still dark. Nevertheless as people arrived yesterday I glanced to see if I knew anyone in the class. It is in my home county and I worked there as a DA for 3 years and have lived there almost 4 now, so who knows. I didn't really think I'd see anyone, because most of the people I know are poker playing drinking buddies who would rather die than get up at 5:00 am to work out. Anyway, I didn't see anyone I knew.

So about 20 minutes into the workout they had us doing these stair-runs. There are two sets of stairs at the library near where we work out so we run up one, down the other, back up, down, etc. for at least 3 laps. The trainers are encouraging us the whole way and suggest that you pass on the left if you can. So I generally keep to the right unless there's someone super slow in front of me. So I was jogging along down the stairs, remember in the dark, and a very tall guy passes me on the left and says "Hey Cindy - how's it going?" I thought he might be one of the trainers, or just someone who read my name tag b/c everyone's real friendly in the class. So I said something like "ah - I'm alive". Then as he passed me I realized he was not one of the trainers, but just someone in the class. It seemed odd that he singled me out like that, and my name tag was not exactly easily visible in the dawn lighting. So I got to thinking this must be someone who knows me.

Well, thoughts of who this guy was quickly left my mind as there are some 30 people in the class and I was trying to focus on not busting my ass going down the stairs or on the multitude of other stressful activities during the work out. I didn't think about it again till later yesterday when I was telling Holly about the work out. She of course was massively curious about who this mystery boy was. So I agreed to try to figure it out today.

So it was about 20 minutes in this morning when I remembered to look for him.

*side note - you can tell I'm happily engaged because it kept slipping my mind to figure out who a good looking, tall young guy was. 3 years ago, I would have been all over that immediately. It's comforting to know that although I do still admire men, I'm really not at all "looking" for anyone but my fabulous fiance... :-)

So I found the guy during one of our calisthenics portions of the work out and kept glancing over to get a look at his face. Eventually it dawned on me that he was an officer at the sheriff's office in my county - where I used to be a DA. Not most recently, but when I first got the job I spent about 18 months in my county before being transferred to the county just south. So I probably haven't seen this guy in over 2 years. So of course I totally forgot his name. I kept trying to remember it as we did our running exercises and he was easily passing everyone and leading the pack. Finally, I decided that Holly would know once I described him and today at least I'd get over there and say hi, hopefully not needing to say his name in the conversation - oh and try to get a peek at his name tag.

During the cool down stretching I set myself up next to him and said hi- didn't recognize you yesterday. Then during our various stretches tried to peek at his name tag. In the dark. I determined I thought it said Jonathan, which didn't sound right, but I assumed Holly'd be able to help me out. I actually had some doubts about him being who I thought he was, and maybe I was making a fool of myself saying "I didn't recognize you yesterday." Then at the end of the work out I had a question to ask the trainer and he was standing there and the trainer said his name - Josh -. RIGHT! Josh. His name tag actually said Joshua, which in the dark I read as Jonathan. Oh well. now I know. It was cool, too because after we asked our questions of the trainer, he told me that he and a girl I know how's a prosecutor in the state court of my county were running a 5K tomorrow morning in our county. I told him I'd look into it and hope to see him there. I told Erik about it and am going to try to bully him into going. He needs the exercise too, right?

So - mystery solved. I remember Josh as a really nice guy and very good detective. I'll have to try to find time to chat with him about what's going on locally lately. Fun times, though. And now I have a friend in the class, which is also cool, despite the fact that it doesn't seem nearly as challenging to him as it is to me. Ah well - that's how we get better, right?

So today I did my PT test. I was actually pretty proud of my 1 mile run. I did it in 9:09. Not bad. Certainly not what I could do years ago, but good. The trainer timing me said - "you can definitely run" which was nice to hear, even if I know he can probably run a 5:30 mile. I told him that's about all I can do, and I need to work on the strength stuff. There were 2 other people who were doing the PT test with me and both of them finished in about 11:35 so I felt good about my 9:00 mile. Hopefully it'll be even better at the end of the month.

Now the rest of the PT test was a different story. Sit ups, push ups, and dips. Kicked my butt. Definitely a LOT of room for improvement there.

So, I get 2 days off of the morning routine, which is nice. I hope to get up and do the 5K tomorrow, but at least it won't be 5:00 am. Sunday - I'm sleepin in!

A few other things going on, but I'll save them for another post. Need to get SOME work done today.... :-)

Day one - wow.

2008-05-08T21:47:00.002-04:00

219.4 (Told you)

THURSDAY

Wow. They kicked my butt today. I'm really excited though and am looking forward tomorrow. I'm actually doing my PT test tomorrow so I'm getting something of a double work out. Not bad for Friday the day before 2 days off. Not really off though, they expect us to work out ever day. We have "homework".

We also have an eating plan. It's based on the "body for life" diet/meal plan/whatever. I'm still doing some research on it and of course have ordered the book, but basically I have to eat 5-6 small meals and have protien and carbs at every meal. I can't have carbs without protein ever. So of course I did some major shopping today at the grocery store. I think I've got a good stock of snacks, easy food, to make it easier. We'll see though.

I'm trying to get to bed soon. it's almost 10:00 pm and I have to be there at 4:50 am. Good thing tomorrow I get to sleep in...

Boot Camp! Yes!

2008-05-07T11:41:00.004-04:00

217.0 (better, but it will be up tomorrow - I promise! see below).

WEDNESDAY

Well, I did it. I committed. I gave $325. And now I'm stuck. Getting up at 5:30 am every morning for a month - maybe 4. I'm actually really excited. I talked to one of the leaders of the boot camp, Lynn, yesterday for a while, and decided this is what I need to do. Basically they kick my ass every day, Monday through Friday, with 2 exceptions (today being one) for 4 weeks. They also give you a "food journal" that they expect you to write in every day, and they check back every morning. She gave me the impression that if you slack on the food, they "punish" you with more exercises. So that's good incentive. Also, apparently on Friday morning I will be doing a "pre-test" PT test that everyone else did on Monday. I have to run 1 mile, do 1 minute of push ups and 1 minute of dips. Ok - running - no sweat. I won't be as fast as I'd like to I'm sure, but I can run one mile no worries. Sit ups? I'll live. I can do them, though I'm sure not as many as I should. But dips? You mean, unassisted dips? Good luck. I've done "assisted dips" at the gym with that cool machine that adds weight resistance to help you do it. I usually have to use almost all the weight to get it done. There's no way I'll be able to "dip" my whole body weight, even once. I mean really. No chance. So I guess after 3 1/2 weeks if I can do one, that's a huge improvement.

I'm actually really excited. Of course Holly and Erik think I'm crazy. Holly's one of those that never has to diet and hasn't exercised since forced to in high school. Erik just thinks I'm crazy for spending so much to have someone yell at me. Course he did real boot camp in the Navy and thinks it's "no big deal". Baby, I said, that was 15 YEARS AGO. He said, oh - wow - you're right.

Something else funny about Erik. Last night he had a Kiwanis meeting after work so he didn't get home till about 9:00 pm. I was watching a movie (27 dresses - very cute!) and he came in and started putting on tennis shoes. Now Erik is about 6'0" and weighs about 160. Or so I thought. Either way he's very thin and has never regularly worked out since I met him. He supports me, but has never really had to. Apparently, recently, his pants have been getting a bit snug though. So last night he decided to hit the treadmill. He did 3 miles, in about 35 minutes, which is REALLY slow for him, and then wandered around the house grunting and groaning like he'd done a marathon, for about 20 minutes. It was too funny. Of course I had no sympathy as I've been doing that for months/years now. But he hates it. He's actually really vain about his appearance, though it seems effortless. So the fact that he's gained 10 lbs is really hitting him hard. I think it's cute. I mean this boy could put on 20 more lbs and look totally healthy. But I guess I'll never having to worry about him getting too chunky...

So - we're off tomorrow for this exciting adventure of boot camp. I'm ridiculously excited about it, though I'm sure tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off I'll be a little less chipper. I'm actually going 30 minutes early tomorrow and friday. Tomorrow so that I can get oriented, my food journal, meet everyone, etc. Friday to do my Pre-test. Then I should be caught up with the group.

I'm really curious about what type of other people will be there. The lady I spoke with said there's about 20 in the class. I'm curious if they are younger, older? fitness buffs or needing to lose weight like me? Who knows. I'll report tomorrow!

Oh - and I'm being TOTALLY bad today knowing that I'm going to be "on the wagon" from here on out. yes - that means McDonald's for breakfast and Mexican for lunch with Holly. Yum!

Boot Camp?

2008-05-06T11:24:00.003-04:00

218.6 - better, but still need to go DOWN.

TUESDAY

I've had a hard time recently at work. I'm not super busy, so I find myself screwing off a lot. Now, I've got a few projects that I should be working on, but I have a hard time finding the motivaiton to accomplish them. I've gotten used to screwing off I guess. Not a good thing. Particularly when you're evaluated by your billable hours... So - needless to say, here I am, blogging and screwing off at work...

Well, the scale was nicer today, but still up 4 lbs from last Thursday. I've got some work to do to get things back where they should be. We're just under 4 months from the wedding now and it's getting to be crunch time. That said, I might have found a good solution. And expensive solution, but one that I think might actually work. I think I'm going to do this boot camp. It sound like a KILLER, but that's what I need. It's like $325 bucks for the first month and $275/month after that. Really expensive, but it is 4 days a week for 2 weeks and then 5 days a week for the last 2 weeks. So that's less than $20 a session, which is cheaper than the personal trainers around here.

Unfortunately, I missed the start of this month, which is probably good. I think I'll plan to do June, then possibly July & August as well. Just to get me through the final stretch before the wedding. The only real negative, is that the one closest to me starts the earliest in the morning - at 5:30 AM! Crazy. But, with my current schedule I could actually go, take a shower, and go back to bed for a couple hours before going to work. Might not be all that bad... I called yesterday to see if I could get into this months session as it started on Monday and I would have just missed the first one, but they never called me back. I keep going back and forth over whether I want to still try to sneak in this month. I really shouldn't pay that much for so many months, but I want to get started.

Too bad I can't motivate my own ass to get up at 5:30 am and work out, huh? I guess that's why these places exist.

Who knew family would be such a bad influence...

2008-05-05T12:05:00.004-04:00

220.2 - yes, that's right. I'm VERY high today...

MONDAY

Wow, what a weekend. I've been out of town for 4 days and the scale is showing it. Bad scale. Ok, bad Cindy. Thursday I left for sunny Panama City Beach to meet up with my dad, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's 20 y/o son, my brother and my brother's wife for Thunder Beach - Panama City's version of bike week. It's basically where thousands of motorcycles convene to ride together, drink together, celebrate the coolness of bikes. My dad and brother have several bikes and brought down 4 of them in a trailer for us to ride. My dad didn't ride much, but my brother & I did a lot of riding on Friday and Saturday. It was really fun. I got my license about 10 years ago, and don't get to ride much. I've always wanted to buy a harley, but have never been able to justify the cost.

So Thursday night I left out of here about 2:00 and got to PCB around 7:00. I met up with my the family for a bit then went out for my first ride with Joey. I generally have a rule that I will not drink anything if I'm riding a motorcycle. It's just too dangerous. So, I easily passed on the alcohol at the first bar. Then we went to a german bar that had it's own beer and I gave in and tasted all 4 of their home brews. I probably swallowed a total of 1/2 a beer, so I wasn't worried about riding. I did kill the great 18 day no-drinking streak, though. Oh well - I never said I'd stay sober forever.

Friday and Saturday we did a bunch of riding and of course eating. The problem I have with my family is that food is always a focus. My father and brother are both significantly overweight. I was raised in a family where eating was a hobby. So, we did a lot of eating. And of course I didn't bring my laptop, so I wasn't entering anything in spark people. I have no idea the damage, but as you can see on the scale, it was large.

Also, contributing to the scale is the alcohol. After I killed my streak on Thursday night Friday and Saturday night we went out and played some pool and drank some beer. By some, I mean more than 5 beers each night. Ahh. Off the wagon...

Sunday morning I left out early because I had dinner plans back home. I have a friend who was just diagnosed with cancer and starts his chemo therapy today. He wanted to go out last night and have some fun before the stress and physical issues associated with chemo start.

So unfortunatly I had the horrible mentality that causes so many dieters to fail. I knew I'd killed my drinking streak. I knew I'd eaten badly for 4 days straight, so I figured - hell - why not finish it off with a bang and start being good "tomorrow". So, we ate and drank. and drank. and drank. It was really fun, though. Jimbo, my friend with cancer, wanted to play poker, so after dinner we went to a new bar that just started hosting poker games. It was great because Jimbo won the tournament of about 35 players. I also got 4th, so we got to play for a long time. It was really nice so see him have a good time and not think about all the bad stuff going on in his life right now.

So, here we are Monday morning. I've drank alcohol the last 4 nights. I have not exercised. I ate horribly. And I wrote nothing down. Thus, the scale is in the very scary 220's again. Granted. I know I can't gain 6 lbs in 4 days, so I know it will go back down to some extent tomorrow if I'm good today and hydrate. But it's sad how quickly all the hard work disappears.

These things happen though. There are going to be stumbling blocks. I'm also going to recover. I didn't get a work out in this morning, as I was obviously tired from being out way too late. And I don't know if I'll get one in tonight. But I do know that I will be journaling everything that I put in my mouth. I will be chugging water, starting when I hit post here. And I will not be consuming any alcohol tonight at y-knots, where we plan to meet up with Jimbo again and see how the first day went. It's a step up, back on the wagon. I can continue to make this work. I know I won't see a loss this week, but hopefully I'll get the scale back down around 214 by next Thursday. I have not more travel plans for a bit, so I shouldn't be too tempted.

Here's to starting again, and taking it one day at a time...again.

Good scale, good scale...

2008-04-29T14:12:00.003-04:00

214.2

TUESDAY

Wow. So friendly scale today. Please don't let me down on Thursday! I was very good yesterday and hit the treadmill for 60 minutes of good interval training. I bought a heart rate monitor the other day. I'm a little disappointed because the model I bought doesn't calculate calories. But I am pleased ot see that it interacts with my treadmill such that I don't even have to wear the wrist part - it transmits directly to the treadmill. So that's cool. I had a good run and kept my heart rate up and down in a pretty good range for intervals. I also ate very minimally all day until we went out last night. I knew we would be going to Y-knots, so I only had about 600 calories all day until we left. I also burned over 600 on the treadmill. So, I allowed myself a little splurge at dinner and had this wonderful southwestern wrap they have that of course has lots of cheese, but is really good. I calculated it, generously I think, at 750 calories. Who knows though with something like that.

But I have stuck with the no alcohol streak. It's been 17 days. And honestly, I don't even miss it. I haven't been at an event or party yet that really centered around alcohol, so mostly I've just given up having a couple beers when Erik & I go out. Now, I just get diet coke, and really don't feel all that deprived. Once again, I'm not vowing I've given it up completely till the wedding, but no need in pointless drinking right now. Every calorie counts. In looking at my calendar I don't really have anything scheduled in the next few weeks that should tempt me. This weekend I'm going to Panama City for Bike-week but am going to meet my dad and brother, neither of whom really drink, so shouldn't be tempted there. The next weekend, mothers' day weekend, my mom will be in town, so no temptation there. Frankly, I don't have any temptations until possibly June. Boy would that be crazy if I could hold out that long.

Who knows. Just taking it one day at a time. Today I have my follow up appointment for the Lasik where I'll get my contacts out. I'm going to try to do a separate post on that tonight and update how things are going.

Back on Track

2008-04-28T16:51:00.002-04:00

216.4

MONDAY

Well, I have to admit that I've not been real disiplined the last few days with the lasik issues I've got going on. I'm back though. I did a good run/walk this afternoon, and am back to tracking everything in sparkpeople. I'm hoping to see the numbers go down by the end of the week and do a real "weigh in" on Thursday!

Epi-Lasik Day 3-4

2008-04-28T16:45:00.002-04:00

MONDAY

Yesterday sucked. I woke up and couldn't see for crap. It was really frustrating considering I had done so well on Saturday. I got up and went to church with Erik and couldn't even look at the pastor because the lights shining on him were so bright. Crazy. Everything was blurry - up close, far away, all blurry.

Now, I know that I was warned about this, but boy it was depressing. No bad pain. I did stick with the percocet, because there was some significant irritation. But mostly it was just the blurryness that was irritating.

Today was better, but I still stayed home for work because focusing on the computer for too long is hard. Things are still blurry, but SO much better than before. I love to read and last night I could not make out the words on the page. Today, much better, though I couldn't focus for too long. Distance is still somewhat blurry,but also getting better.

Tomorrow I have my appointment to get the contact out. I hope things are clearer then!

Epi-Lasik Day 2

2008-04-26T19:45:00.002-04:00

SATURDAY

Well, this morning was tough. I ended up going out with my fiancee last night for a couple hour because I felt so good. But this morning was a different story. My follow up appointment was at 8:30 am. I had taken a pain killer at about 10:30 then gone to bed. I woke up at about 7:00 and had the hardest time keeping my eyes open. It felt like I had put my contacts in with cleaner solution still on them. Really bad. I think it's partly because the pain killer had worn off, but man it sucked.

I took another pill, put in my drops, and got Erik up to drive me to the appointment. The doctor said everything was looking good even though I felt so bad. He said it's normal. He also said he's actually worried that I can see too good the day after surgery, because it'll likely worsen a little before it settles in for good. Not a bad thing to be told, I think,I see too good?

Anyway, today my pain has fluctuated. I guess I kind of prejudged the use of those pain killers. For now, it's every 4 hours for me. My vision has been pretty stable, but the pain comes and goes as my pain killers kick in. It's really frustrating. So basically I've been in bed all day. I have been able to watch a little TV, and movies, but have also napped a lot. The contacts are irritating. That's probably the worst part.

So, I'm hoping that tomorrow will be better. No going out tonight. Erik's picking up chinese, so it'll probably be an early night.

Epi-Lasik Day Of

2008-04-25T18:01:00.002-04:00

Well, I lived. We got there about 15 minutes early and they checked me in right away. Promptly taking my money of course. Erik came with me and was able to stay with me the whole time except the actual surgery where he got to watch through a window.

They first took a picture of my eye. I had to sit really still, which was hard because I guess I was nervous. Then they put some numbing drops in my eye, then explained all the goodies I was going to get: drugs, eyeware, etc. Then they gave me a valium so I'd relax (yeah!). Then the nurse remeasured my prescription to make sure nothing had changed since my evaluation a couple months ago. All was good there. The doc came in then, and looked at my eyes, then drew dots on both sides of each pupil. Odd. Then they gave me a hair cap and shoe caps and escorted me into the surgery room. The whole surgery was like 15 minutes including prep. Then we were back in the eval room. The doc said everything went well, and they went over the post-op stuff again. And I was out the door. It seemed almost too easy.

I was told I was -3, which I think is a different scale than my actual prescription which is something like -1.75. Either way, my eyes weren't bad. Which is, I guess, partly why it went so quickly. We showed up at 9:00 am, 15 minutes early, and were back in the car by 10:20. Crazy.

I could see right away. Things were a bit hazy, like I was standing in a really smoky room, but no pain initially. I got a prescription for percocet as well as two prescription drops (anti-inflammatory & steroids) and a bunch of Refresh Plus drops. I took one percocet right away - didn't want to feel any pain. So after a littlel lunch, I crashed out for a couple hours. Of course it wasn't the best sleep because I'm required to wear theses crazy eye goggles that I have to tape to my face, and sleep on my back.

I woke up a couple hours ago, feeling ok. I'm to put the refresh drops in every 10 minute I'm awake for the first day, which is crazy frequent, but I'm totally following all the directions. I have to do the 2 prescription drops 4 times a day for the first week. I go back tomorrow morning for a follow up.

Over all I feel good. My eyes are a little sore. It's been 6 hours since the percocet, so I took another just now. I really don't want to feel pain. Also, I was supposed to get some pain killer eye drops that they forgot to give me, so I'm being a little cautious and using the percocet as I'm allowed. I'll probably stop tomorrow, but they gave me 30 pills. I'm allowed one every 4-6 hours. The doc said "some people take them all, some just take a few". 30 pills? Are you kidding me? I definitely don't see myself on percocet for a week and a half. Come on people!

As for my vision, it's definitely better. I don't know how close I am to 20/20 but with the exception of a little fogginess, which isn't as irritating as I thought it'd be, I can see pretty good. I'm told it should fluctuate for the first month or so, so I'm prepared for it to get worse, but I really am pleased so far.

As I said, my eyes are a bit sore - kind of like I've been wearing my contacts for too long. Which makes sense I guess because I have these contacts on my eyes until Tuesday. Hopefully the discomfort will not last until Tuesday. It's not severe pain (and no, the percocet hasn't kicked in yet). So I guess I've gotten off pretty easy. As you can see, I'm ok to type on the computer. I don't think I'd have been good to go to work or anything, but it's not at all as bad as I thought it'd be. I actually just got done watching a movie (Juno - very cute). So, all in all, things are good.

I'll update tomorrow after the follow up, but my experience is going well so far.

Epi-Lasik

2008-04-24T17:43:00.004-04:00

Now to part B today's posting. I'm having Epi-Lasik tomorrow. I'm actually really scared. I was supposed to have it done last month, and I think I blogged about the scheduling mistake that caused it to be cancelled. But now it's on again, and tomorrow at 9:00 am I go under the knife. Or machine. Or whatever it is that fixes eyes.

I'm going to try to chronical my experience with it, because I'm having something of a rare procedure done. Most people who get their eyes fixed get "LASIK". I'm actually getting a procedure called "Epi-LASIK" done. From what I'm told in traditional LASIK they slice a flap of the cornea, peal it back, laser the eye, then replace it. You recover relatively quickly and can see mostly good within a day or so. Well, I'm not an ideal candidate for that as I have "thin" cornea's. Yes, the one area of my body that is naturally "thin" is my eyes. WTF? Anyway, "thin" corneas make traditional LASIK more risky as the cutting of the flap weakens the eye.

Thus, I get Epi-Lasik. What is Epi-Lasik? Well, again from what I understand, instead of cutting a "flap", they actually shave off the top part of the cornea. The layer that is regenerative. Then, with that layer gone, they laser the eye, then place a temporary "contact" over the eye while that layer rebuilds itself. This rebuilding takes about 4 days, because I've already scheduled a follow-up appointment for Tuesday when they are supposed to take that temporary contact out. Then I'm supposed to be good to go. I also have a follow up on Saturday morning - the day after the surgery - to make sure everything looks ok. Then I guess I'll have periodic follow-ups after that, though I don't know yet how frequently.

Why did I decide to do this? Well, it's something I've wanted to do for a long time. My eyes really aren't "that" bad, though in my mind, anyone that has to wear contacts to be legal to drive, has it bad. My prescription is only -1.75 or so with a mild astigmatism in each eye. As I said, however, I do have to wear contacts to legally drive. I've been in contacts since high school. While contacts themselves aren't all that bad, and after 15 years of wearing them I'm pretty good at getting them in and out quickly. The problem is that I have really bad allergies. Which means that my eyes get irritated frequently, and many days, wearing contacts for more than 8 or 10 hours is really painful. Also, they aren't cheap. I probably spend at least $200 a year on the contacts themselves, plus at least that in solution.

So I've been thinking about it for years. Erik actually had lasik done about 10 years ago, when it was still really new. It's just been a question of expense. Then I got this job. Not only was it a significant raise, but they provide me with a flex spending account that allows me to pay $3000 in pre-tax and use it for the lasik. So it's actually saving me a bit of money b/c it's pretax dollars, and it also doesn't feel as painful since it's taken out over 24 paychecks. Of course that doesn't fully cover the cost, but it's takes care of most of it. It probably could cover it if I wasn't a super paranoid person and chose the lasik center at the most respected university in town. But hey - I'm not going "discount" when it comes to me eyes.

So obviously I'm not going into work tomorrow. I've got no big plans for the weekend, and hope to rest as much as possible so I can work on Monday. But who knows. I've read other peoples accounts and find that it really varies how quickly people recover. I'm hoping that since my eyes aren't too bad, there won't be as much correction, and therefore not as much recovery. That's what I'm telling myself, at least.

As for "pre-op" stuff. I haven't been able to wear my contacts all week. Which really sucks because about 6 months ago, I lost my back up glasses. Now, there's no way I was paying $150 or so dollars for a pair of glasses that I only would need for a week, so basically this week I've been blind. (and yes, I considered the drug store cheapo glasses, but those are for far-sighted people, not near-sighted. trust me I looked). So, Holly's been driving me to work and back. Tomorrow, Erik will take me in to the appointment. The whole procedure is only supposed to last about 2 hours total (with only a few minutes for the actual surgery). I'm not sure if I'll be able to do a lot of computer stuff tomorrow, but I'll try to do a short post on how it goes. I'm really nervous.

Think happy thoughts for me tomorrow morning...

Oww

2008-04-24T17:20:00.004-04:00

218.4 (let me explain...)

THURSDAY

First of all. OW. I'm in so much pain. I started that "6 weeks to a bikini" program on Monday and it his kicked my ass. Literally. My ass hurts. Really bad. As do my quads, hamstrings, back, abs, and other parts I do now know the name for. Wow, I'm out of shape.

So Monday was cardio day and as I blogged earlier, I didn't do as well as I thought I should but I got through it and burned over 600 calories (the book wants me to burn at least 500). Tuesday was another story. Tuesday was the first weight training day. It consisted of 10 different exercises, each of which with 3 sets, each set with 15-20 REPS. Yes, that means I was supposed to lift 600 times. Well, I didn't quite make it because a few of the exercises I just couldn't do the full 20 reps. I'm not strong enough yet. But the majority of them I did. My least favorite? Lunges. I HATE LUNGES. Basically I hate most exercises that focus on my lower body. When I do my own "strength training program", whatever that is, I skip the lower body thinking that my running will cover that, and focus on the upper body and arms. Now I have to do all over exercises and it's KILLING me. In a good way, I'm sure, but damn it's tough.

So yesterday, wednesday, I was back to cardio, and although I was already sore, I got through the program again, this time burning over 700 calories over a one hour session. Not bad.

So here's the tough part. Today I'm supposed to lift again. Did I mention OWWW? I'm not sure how this is going to work. I've promised myself that if I can't get through the exercises, I'll hit the treadmill so at least I'll burn some calories, but I just don't know if I can do it. I'm SOO sore today.

So, the weight on the scale. Yes, I haven't been great about food, but I've tracked everything in spark people and considering the amount of calories I'm burning, the scale is way higher than it should be. I blame my abused muscles. I read somewhere that muscles get sore because when you work out you tear the muscle to make it stronger. Then as the muscle heals, it retains water. So that's what I'm telling myself. If not, I'd have to explain why - the week I FINALLY get back to exercising I'm actually UP 2.5 lbs from when I totally slacked off for 2 week. I'm going to give it a week or so and hopefully the scale will balance out and go back down. Of course, lunch at the sushi buffet today didn't help that water retention, I'm sure...

Boot Camp

2008-04-21T12:23:00.004-04:00

215.4 (hell yeah)

MONDAY

I had a great weekend. I'm in such a good place today. First, I had no alcohol. Erik had Daniel and we didn't go out at all this weekend. As I posted earlier, I was kinda sick on Saturday morning, but somehow it mostly cleared itself up by Saturday night and I feel good today. Yesterday I was kind of lazy but got a lot of little things done around the house including laundry, sorting and responding to mail, organizing counters. I didn't get any boxes unpacked, but I'll count my small victories.

Food-wise I was fabulous on Saturday which showed me 215.4 yesterday on the scale (so this is day 2 in the 215's). Yesterday I splurged a little at dinner, had 6 wings and small fries at Taco Mac, but I was really low on calories there rest of the day so apparently it didn't hurt me on the scale this morning.

Last night Erik left for a 4 day trip to DC for work. After he left, I had dinner, then went and browsed Books a Million for a couple hours. I ended up buying a book that provides a boot-camp style program for 6 weeks that includes cardio, weights & pilates. It's called 6 weeks to a bikini. Now I'm much farther than 6 weeks away from wearing a bikini, but I liked the format, I liked that all of the weight training could be done at home, and I like the bit of pilates thrown in. I've always wanted to try that and never did.

So, with that encouragement, I got my lazy ass up this morning at 8:00 am (I know - so NOT early) and hit the treadmill for my "Week 1, Monday" assignment. It was interval training which basically means really hard running mixed in with jogging/walking for recovery. I was actually a little disappointed with how I did. I did the exercise as assigned, but expected to be able to kick it up a bit considering my recent running. I guess over a week off, and being sick this weekend, did me in, cause I was REALLY tired and didn't run nearly as long as I've done before. Hopefully Wednesday's cardio will feel better.

Either way, I did 55 minutes on the treadmill this morning for 4 miles and over 600 calories burned. Not a bad start to the day. Now I knew I'd feel good if I could get myself up and do the exercise. Why did it take me so long to do it?

I really hope I can stick to this program. I'm a little less than 19 weeks out from the wedding, which means I could do this program 3 times through and maybe really see some changes.

So - so far so good. Last week I cut out the alcohol. This week, no alcohol PLUS exercise. I really think I might see something good at weigh in on Thursday!

Here's to: Day 9 of no alcohol Day 1 of Boot Camp!

Here we go...

Sick...

2008-04-19T09:05:00.002-04:00

216.6

SATURDAY

bleh. I'm sick. I'm such a horrible sick person. I whine a lot, bitch a lot, and generally am no fun to be around. So it's going to be a fun weekend, I can tell. Erik & Daniel left for the baseball game about 30 mins ago. I'm sitting up in bed wondering if I have the energy to watch a movie. No poker for me today. No anything. I had big plans to accomplish at the house, but maybe I'll settle for getting laundry done.

Good news: Sobriety's easy when it hurts to swallow.

It's working...

2008-04-18T12:09:00.002-04:00

217.0

FRIDAY

TGIF. Really. I'm not sure what went on this week but it's been so tough to be at work. I've been VERY unproductive, and really just kinda bleh about everything. Part of it is getting used to a new schedule. Holly and I try to carpool as much as possible to save money on gas and miles on the car. The problem is she just started a new schedule that is 10:30-7:00. Sounds fabulous right? She doesn't get to my house till 9:45 in the morning so I have "all" this time in the morning, right? Wrong. I sleep till 9:00 then get up and get ready. What's the deal with that?

Every day this week that I carpooled with her, I set my alarm for 8:00 thinking - that's still really sleeping in, and I can get up, run and feel great the rest of the day. What do I do? Snoooooooze. What the hell? It's not like I'm not getting enough sleep! We're asleep before midnight, so no excuse to lounge around till 9:00. WHY can't I get motivated?

I think it has to do with the fact that I haven't run in a little over a week. I think it's one of those things - when you get used to exercising, you crave it, or at least it feels normal, important. Maybe if I can be successful at running before work just 1 day next week, I'll enjoy it so much I'll be able to make it a habit. Grrrr.

So the good news is that I'm still alcohol free. Notwithstanding the fact that we've gone out EVERY night this week. Not usual for us, but for whatever reason, we did. Wednesday night we went to dinner and I drank Diet Coke while Erik drank Sake. Last night we went to Y-Knots - our normal Thursday night hangout - and I drank Diet Coke while Erik drank Gin. Boy is Erik loving my new found sobriety. He has a DD every day! But the good news is that even though I haven't been exactly good this week food-wise, the scale is going down.

I didn't weigh in yesterday because I knew it'd be a gain. I know, I know, bad excuse. But hey, I'm still staying on track regardless. I hope to weigh in next week. I'd like to get the scale back into the 215 area and below this week.

Small steps, though, right? This week the focus was on having fun without alcohol. Next week we need to get exercise back in. Starting this weekend. Erik has his son this weekend, so shouldn't be anything too crazy going on. No plans to go out tonight (for once) but I DO plan to get a run in. Tomorrow Daniel has a baseball game early, then I have a poker tournament I might play, but still no alcohol to be drank! Sunday is church and more exercise. I'm looking forward to this weekend very much.

Day 6 of Sobriety and still truckin!

Sobriety...

2008-04-16T11:12:00.003-04:00

217.8 (better, but still..)

WEDNESDAY

Well I have some small successes to report, besides the scale getting back in a reasonable range. not the 215 I saw 2 weeks ago, but it's going back down, so that's good.

My success is on the alcohol front. I've totally gone out the last two nights - Monday at Erik's request and last night on my own when he had a Kiwanis meeting - and had...drum roll please....NO ALCOHOL. Ok, so maybe that should not be such a huge announcement, but I cannot remember the last time I went out to a bar for poker and did not drink alcohol. I bet it was a time when I was really hung over. Seriously. I'm a huge social drinker and always like to have something in my hand. Diet coke it was last night. That problem is that waitresses are not eager to refill your diet coke since you already paid for it. So I had to get up a couple times and walk to the bar for a refill. Oh well, more exercise, right?

So maybe that's why the scale has gone down despite the fact that I cannot seem to get my lazy butt to exercise this week. Maybe.

So we're on day 4 of my new sobriety. I'm not promising a 4 month streak, but I'm going to see how far I can go. Holly brought up the idea of having a party next weekend, which would be a real challenge because when we host parties, it's all about the drinking. But we'll see.

Nothing else too exciting to report. Boy my blog is boring... ;-)

No more excuses

2008-04-14T09:53:00.001-04:00

220.8 (oh yeah).

MONDAY

Ok, so no more excuses. No more parties. No more trips. For awhile at least. This morning's weigh in is the first I've had in a few days as I was out of town in Miami for an associate's retreat. I do attribute some of it to being dehydrated. I kept waking up last night dying of thirst and I was very bad about water this weekend. But that doesn't explain most of it. Most of it is 4 days of not tracking, of eating what I want, of not exercising, of drinking alcohol.

So here I declare. NO MORE ALCOHOL. That's a start. I WILL TRACK ALL FOOD. That's another good start. We'll see how long I go. By calculations, I have no "need" to drink alcohol until August for my bachelorette party and then wedding. Nothing special planned between now and then. So why not detox for 3-4 months?

Very ambitious I know, but I'm going to try. I really want to see if I can do it. For the diet, but also for myself. I know I'm not an alcoholic, but I do drink frequently. I have a really bad family history of alcoholism and alcohol related deaths. I need to prove to myself that this is just an indulgence, not some sort of dependency.

So here we go. Day 2 of no alcohol (had my last drink about 10:00 pm Saturday night). I'll report daily I hope on my success's.

Also, we will be tracking food and exercising. I've got just under 19 weeks before the wedding. Time to get serious.

Report Card

2008-04-08T11:00:00.003-04:00

217.2

TUESDAY

Well I was "almost" perfect yesterday. I did go home and, after laying on the bed and whining to erik that I didn't want to do anything, I dragged my lazy ass out of bed and got on the treadmill. And - of course - I'm thrilled I did. I decided to try something different. I covered up the stats on the treadmill with a towel and just ran. I promised myself I would run for 6 songs before I looked at where I was. I roughly guesstimated that would be 20 mins or so and 2 miles or so. All went well till Erik popped in to see how it was going. So we "peaked" at about 1.14 miles (mid-way through song 4). Then song 5 was a Justin Timberlake song I downloaded that was like 7 minutes long! I got through about 3:30 then had to click next.

All in all, I peaked about mid song 6 to see I'd just crossed over the 2 mile mark. The goal was to do 3 miles straight - running - without walking. So the last mile I totally had to focus and do the countdown..."8 minutes left, 8 minutes left, 8 minutes left, 7 and a half minutes left, 7 and a half minute left," etc. You get the point. It was tough - but hell yeah I did it! 3 miles ran in 30:30. Awesome. Of course no incline, so that time would be much higher on real roads, but still. It's been a LONG while since I ran 3 miles straight.

I finished it out with a quarter mile walk for a total of 35 minutes and 557 calories burned. Very nice.

For dinner I had a success as well. After my run Erik & I were talking and he said "I want Pizza." Eww. I said. Yes, I actually said Eww to pizza. Don't know where that came from. Turns out he didn't really want pizza so much as he just wanted to stay home and not cook. So I made us both tuna fish sandwiches with light potato chips for dinner. Not bad.

I didn't have my 1200 calorie day unless you subtract the 500 calories I burned. I ended up scoring about 1750. But all was logged in sparkpeople. And I did see a little lower number on the scale today.

Still have some work to do by Thursday to avoid a gain, but we're solidly in the 217 area now, so that's better than a few weeks ago.

Here's to progress!

Wii Fit

2008-04-07T11:43:00.002-04:00

I forgot to mention, this weekend I reserved a Wii Fit. I'm so excited. I heard about this from a co-worker last week and went to my local Gamestop this weekend to reserve my very own. It doesn't come out until May 19, but I'm totally loving it. It looks like a "fun" way to get some strength work in!

Why do we sabotoge?

2008-04-07T11:11:00.001-04:00

217.6

MONDAY

So, after my AMAZING weigh in on Thursday, what did I do? Proceed to eat and drink merrily for 3 days. What the hell? I have a co-worker who sits next to me at the office who's also doing weight watchers. She came in this morning and we compared notes. We both agree that one of our biggest struggles is that we totally self-sabotage when we have a good week/day/scale showing. Her's this week was a morning scale-hop - she saw a good number and then justified copious amounts of ice cream. Mine was my fabulous weigh in on Thursday justifying a stupid alcohol binge on Friday night. The worst part about it was that Erik & I had plans to go to the movies on Friday which, at worst, would have resulted in a popcorn binge. Instead, at the last minute, we decided to go to Y-Knots and drink too much. Well I, at least, drank too much. Which lead to 11:00 pm ordering of "pub rolls" these fabulously cheesy, chicken roll thingies that are, of course, deep fried and very good. I wasn't even HUNGRY but the alcohol ALWAYS has me craving food. Bad girl.

Saturday and Sunday were better but not perfect. I had a wonderfully productive weekend house-wise and got lots of boxes unpacked. But Saturday we did go to that movie and I did have that popcorn binge. Sunday after church we went to Ted's Montana Grill for Bison burgers and Mexican for dinner (dinner was Erik's idea, but did I object? NO!).

Oh - and have I logged all this craziness into Sparkpeople? Of course not.

SO - today has been declared another 1200 calorie day. I can DO this. I WILL have a light lunch. I WILL run 3 miles as SOON as I get home, and I WILL eat VERY little for dinner. I WILL. All is not lost. The scale reading today is about what it was last Wednesday before my kick butt day/work out that dropped it to the 215's. I can still recover before Thursday. But oh - how low would I be if this weekend never happened?

Eh - woulda, coulda, shoulda, right? Moving on...

Barely Obese

2008-04-03T11:10:00.004-04:00

215.4

THURSDAY

YEAH. I saw 215 this morning. Woo Hoo. I'm kicking BUTT this week. I go to my weigh in in about an hour and am expecting a good 3 lb loss since last time I went (3 weeks ago). I'm very pleased.

I updated my ticker, though, and am still technically "obese". I'm right at 30 BMI. If I remember correctly under 30 BMI is considered "overweight" but 30 or above is "obese". Boo. I definitely don't feel "obese". If you asked a random stranger if I looked "overweight" or "obese" I think 9 out of 10 would say "overweight". I'm definitely not skinny, but I hate that word - obese. Perhaps it's due to the level of obesity in America that my 40 lbs over weight doesn't "look" as bad. Who knows. I plan to be "overweight" by next week. :-)

On another happy note, I had a GREAT run last night. I ran 2.5 miles without walking, then walked .1 mile, then finished out another .5 miles running. For a total of 3 miles ran. I cooled down, of course, with a bit more walking, but that's definitely the best I've done in a long time. I told Erik earlier this week that I'd be running 3 miles straight by the end of the month. Looks like it might be sooner that I thought! I'm so pleased. It felt good too. It was tough near the end, of course, but it really felt good. (especially when I was done!) :-)

So tonight Holly & I scored tickets to a Sugarland concert here in Atlanta at the Fox - a very cool, very old style theatre. I'm excited. A co-worker couldn't go so we got them half price.

This weekend's plans are unpack, unpack and unpack. Oh and I might make Erik take me to see 21 this weekend. It's a movie based on the MIT blackjack team that worked Vegas for lots of money. We've both read the book the film is based on "Bringing Down the House" and I really want to see it. I'm a gambler at heart, what can I say.

Other than that, my life will consist of working on the house, running, and tracking my world in Sparkpeople. I love you sparkpeople! :-)

151 Days.

2008-04-01T14:55:00.001-04:00

217.4

TUESDAY

151 days till my wedding. Erik was so cute last night before we fell asleep he said "5 months". Which it was 5 months from yesterday. I'm so excited. It's funny how when I'm following my plan, and doing well I feel good about myself and my future.

Today is going according to plan. I had some left-overs for breakfast (~270 calories), chipotle for lunch (~850 calories) which puts me with ~450 calories left for the day to hit the top of my range on Sparkpeople. I'm good with that. I'm going to hit the treadmill when I get home again, though my knee is hurting so I might just do some power walking on incline instead of running after yesterday's kick-butt run. Then I think I'm going to have some pasta for dinner. According to Sparkpeople I'm high on protein & fats today and need more carbs. So carbs it is. I'm hoping to see the pretty 216. something tomorrow.

I feel so blessed. Erik & I had one of those unplanned bonding moments last night talking about various stuff. Basically we realized we have a really great life. Good friends, nice house, good jobs, and a great future. Why do we sometime forget how fortunate we are and get upset about the little stuff? I guess it's all perspective. If my biggest concern was getting food on the table or paying my rent I probably wouldn't get so made when I lost at a poker game, or didn't get a chance to go running. I'm fortunate to have the problems I have and that they are so minor.

Thank you lord for all that is good in my life and for the small challenges that make me try harder.

That's all for today. :-)

Weee Living healthy really DOES work...

2008-03-31T20:42:00.003-04:00

218.0

Monday

This weekend was WONDERFUL. Well, it actually started off bad because my Lasik procedure didn't happen. Really frustrating. I took the day off work, and had it all scheduled to get a ride for my 11:00 am appointment. Then I got a call, the night before, from the clinic - one of those computer reminders - that said "just reminding you of your appointment at 1:15 pm." What? I thought it was at 11:00. It's like 7 pm when they call so I just go with it and call my ride to reschedule. So I show up at 1:05 pm on Friday. I get there and she says "what? you're appointment was at 11:00!" Oh hell. Turns out the call they gave me was for my follow up appointment on tuesday. Why they called me for THAT appointment the day before my surgery, I don't KNOW. But by the time I got there, the doctor was on his way out to other appointments and could do it. I was SOOO frustrated I actually cried in the stupid eye clinic. Grrr. But - I took the frustration home, allowed myself a luxury nap then got back to work on unpacking and eating right.

I've been very good for about 5 days with a little splurge last night at Longhorn. This Sparkpeople thing is working really well right now. I actually saw 216.6 on the scale yesterday. Then Longhorn and a few beers last night, but today - right back on track. I've had 1450 calories for the day AND ran 4 miles today on the treadmill, walking 1 more for a total of 817 calories burned! Hell yeah! So I know that's really not enough food for one day with that kind of work out but today is a detox day after yesterday's splurge. I'll balance out again tomorrow to a reasonable number. Hopefully I'll see that beautiful 216 again tomorrow!

I'm still going to keep weighing in with WW because I bought at 16 week at-work pass so I'm already paid. I just won't tell them I'm doing sparkpeople instead. It's still good for the weekly accountability and the pep talks. Besides if I lose 10lbs in the session my firm will reimburse 50% of my costs. I'm only down 3 as of last weigh in so I need to do 7 in the next 6 weeks or so to get that reimbursement. They way this week is going, though I think I'll hit 5 by Thursday.

Why is it that some weeks motivation doesn't seem to be a problem. Why are those weeks so few and far between? I'm going to ride this as long as I can...

Moved in and Funkdity funk funk

2008-03-26T16:58:00.002-04:00

220.0

Thursday

This weekend was CRAAAAAZZY. Like totally crazy busy. I ended up taking off Thursday & Friday from work to get my house ready for "the move". Holly's husband Dana was a godsend and helped me both days buy a refrigerator, lawn mower & patio furniture and install all that and a dishwasher. He's very handy! Than Saturday began the GREAT MOVE. I had about 6 friends meet me at my old house at 10:30 to start loading up the gynormous U-Haul I bought. We got it loaded, with more friends trickling in, about 12:30 and headed to the new house. A few mor friends met us there for the unload. Half way through unloading we sent half the big strong guys off to my storage facility to empty that out as well (which included a pian0 - let me tell you they LOVED me for that one). By the time they got back with that stuff we had the U-Haul emptied. By 4:30 we had the trucks/trailers/etc. from storag emptied and the party commenced. In exchange for physical labor Erik & I supplied Pizza, Wings, Beer & Water throughout the day. And we started our celebratory poker tournament at about 6:30 for all participants.

Sunday was church, then easter dinner at Holly's then home for nap & unpacking. So much unpacking to do...

Then this week I've been car-pooling with Holly because I'm not allowed to wear my contacts. I'm having lasik surgery tomorrow morning and this week have had to live with a blurry world. It's really odd. My eyes aren't that bad compared to a lot of people but I do have to squint if the TV is more than aobut 10 feet away. Anyway, technically I'm not supposed to drive w/o contacts/glasses so I've been riding w/Holly. Why don't I wear glasses you say? Well because about a month ago my someone or something (read my crazy cat!) decided to hide my glasses and I haven't been able to find them - not even after the move. I think they took them outside and burried them. Grrr. So blind I am - till tomorrow at least.

Food-wise I was really bad this weekend. Got lots of exercise with moving, but balanced it with beer, pizza & wings. Not good.

So my weight has totally fluctuated this week. Way too high. But finally I got back on track yesterday. I'm trying something different. I'm trying Sparkpeople. I've read lots of blogs on people who use it and thought I'd give it a try. The problem with weight watchers I'm having is that I've done it so long, that I really cheat too much. I know how to cheat points - find the foods with the most fiber so it's lower point - eat two servings separatly so it's less points than it would be in one sitting - stupid stuff that doesn't lower the calorie content of the food, but just lets me abuse the program. I'm just in a rut with weight watchers and need a change. So Sparkpeople here I come. I logged all my food yesterday and even got a good run in last night. Today so far I'm doing well. I've logged breakfast and lunch and will find something good for dinner.

I've got 22 weeks till the wedding. 22 weeks. I started with almost 30 and I've wasted about 8 without any real weight loss. not good. I can do a lot in 22 weeks but I've got to stick with it. I've got to. This HAS to be important.

I was researching DJ's yesterday and one had a bunch of pictures of weddings he hosted. I saw all these beautiful brides. I hate pictures of me right now. I really don't want to hate my wedding photos. So 22 weeks to make it happen. I HAVE to.

Today's plan - 200-500 calories for dinner - good run on the treadmill and some strength training. Get to bed at a reasonable time - no alcohol - no Y-knots (bar we usually go to on Thursdays). Just good healthy living. i can DO this!

St. Patty's Day!

2008-03-17T15:45:00.002-04:00

221.6

MONDAY

SO much has happened in the last week. - why don't I post more often?!? Oh yeah, cause I'm CRAZY busy with everything except work. Go figure.

Anyway, Wednesday I did, indeed, buy a dress. I ordered my fabulous wedding dress, and it will be here mid July. Yeah - time to totally get crackin on this weight loss stuff! Holly also ordered her bridesmaid dress, and I've instructed Gloria to get me measurements for hers. I think I've also decided on the junior bridesmaid dresses, but I'm still thinking on that.

Wedding invitations went out on Thursday morning. Or at least most of them. Erik is still getting me addresses for several people, and I dropped another 10 in the mail today, but for the most part they're out. People have started viewing our wedding website, which is exciting. One person (a very reliable guy) has already booked his room. yeah!

House is about 2/3rds of the way packed. We are living amongst boxes, people. And lots of them. We spent about 4 hours on Saturday and another 2 last night packing. We have maybe 3 or 4 more to go. Hopefully that will get done tomorrow. Erik's begged off a reprieve for tonight after our very productive weekend.

Closing is set for tomorrow, and according to my lender and realtor all is good. We do our final "walk-through" tonight at 7:00.

I had a weekend retreat for work last weekend that was wonderful information-wise, but I had WAAAY too much wine on Friday night. not a good thing since I was with co-workers. I absolutely hate that I did that. I don't "think" I did anything stupid, but there are fuzzy spots near the end of the night, that tells me I just don't know. No one said anything at the meetings on Saturday morning, but I hate that feeling of wondering if you said or did something stupid. Very bad. I'm actually really pissed at myself for this. I shouldn't get drunk ever, but it's relatively harmless when I'm with my fiance, or close friends. With work people it's completely inexcusable, even if they do provide you with unlimited liquor & wine in the hospitality suite...

So, understandably Saturday I was hung over and feeling crappy - and thus eating crappy. Sunday was Erik's son's birthday party at his mother's house (Erik's ex-wife). That went well considering, she's actually very civil to me to my face at least. Besides, she was too busy being pissed at Erik for getting Daniel there later than she preferred ("what's more important, Church or your son's birthday?"... huh?) Whatever.

Got a little sun burnt yesterday, but I could use it.

Today I'm super slow at work, again. I've asked for work and been told that it's "coming". Since it's slow, I signed up for a CLE (continuing legal education) class all day Wednesday in an area I'd like to work in (White Collar Crime). It's being co-hosted by one of the partners in my firm, so it's a good networking idea anyway.

Hopefully things will pick up later this week. I've got to get some projects to work on!

Tonight after our walk-through I think we're going out, but I AM NOT GOING TO DRINK. Ok, I've said it in all caps so I have to follow through, right? I could probably lose 20 lbs b/w now and the wedding just by cutting out alcohol. Why is that so hard?

Life, Stressful Life

2008-03-11T17:02:00.004-04:00

220.8 (very good considering)

TUESDAY

Oh my how life has gotten crazy lately. I was out of town for 4 days last week - Thursday through Sunday - in sunny California. It was so wonderful. Erik won a trip at work for doing a good job last year, and they flew us both out there. So nice. We ate like pigs, but did manage to hit the gym twice together, so that's good.

We got back late Sunday and yesterday I tried to catch up on work and life. The scale was really scary yesterday morning - 224.6 - showing lots of bloating from the trip it seems. Today's number, therefore, was very nice to see even if it is a bit up from last week. I've got a couple more days till weigh in to get it down.

I've got major deadlines this month, and very few of them relate to work, which is stressful in itself as I need to get some hours in this month. On my plate this month:

1) Wedding invitations: they WILL be in the mail on Thursday. I've got 60 addressed, sealed and ready to go, about 60 left, but of course I'm waiting on several addresses from Erik. If I don't get them by Thursday they're just going to have to go out late.

2) Work project: I have a big brief due soon and promised a draft to the partners by Thursday. I think this is do-able, but need to get cracking. I promised it out on Thursday because I'm out Friday and Saturday for a work-related retreat.

3) House Buying: We are scheduled to close on our new house next Tuesday (March 18), and now of course, mortgage rates are climbing, even though they should be FALLING. Add to the stress

4) Packing: We have 10-12 friends scheduled to help us move next Saturday (22nd) so I have to have the entire house packed by then (did I mention I'm out of town this Friday & Saturday?) We've done nothing so far. :-(

5) Lasik: I'm scheduled to have Lasik on my eyes on March 28th and am supposed to be out of commission for at least 4 days after that - doesn't help the stress at work...

6) Dress Buying: I WILL buy a dress this month. Hopefully tomorrow. I tried one on today and LOVE it. Holly is scheduled to go to lunch with me tomorrow to give a second opinion "ok" and I think I'm going to order it. I have seriously put about 60 HOURS into this dress shopping thing. And of course the one I'm buying is obscenely expensive. But it WILL be done. tomorrow I hope.

7) Weight loss?!? Oh yeah - the whole point of this blog? Somehow I'm supposed to be being meticulous about my eating these days. So difficult. But it too must be done.

So I'm a bit stressed right now. Add to that I had a scary occurrence at work today. I've been on this big case since the day I started last year. It's supposed to go to trial this summer and there are like 4 partners and 6 associates on the case. I've been helping out diligently and probably spending 60-70% of my time on this one case billables-wise. Anyway, I printed something to a shared computer today and happened to see a co-worker's email that she printed about a meeting on the case next week. A meeting I was not invited to - but every other associate that's been working on the case has been. This is not the first meeting I've been left out on. So I got all paranoid and thought maybe I'm doing something wrong? Why don't they want me working on this anymore? What the hell?

So, very uncharacteristically, I decided to ask some questions and get to the bottom of it. I went into the office of the partner who does the most on the case and asked why I appear to have been taken off the case -- did I do something wrong? She promptly assured me that no, I hadn't done anything wrong, that she thought someone had told me, but that the client was complaining about my billable rate. Here's the thing. I've been practicing law for 6 years. But the firm brought me in as a "Fourth Year" for partnership purposes. This was totally fine with me because I need time to learn civil law, and make my place here. That said, I think they're still billing me out as a 6th year due to my experience. This is the second time I've been booted from a case because I'm too expensive. Which is ridiculous because THEY chose what to bill me at, and obviously want me to bill lots of hours, but somehow are putting me on cases where I can't do that. Frustrating. Anyway, on this case we have a VERY high maintenance client who is very cost conscious notwithstanding the huge nature of the case. She wants me off, supposedly not because of my work (I've only even met her briefly once), but because of my rate. The firm wants me on, and it's not resolved yet. Probably I'll get kicked off. If that happens, however, I NEED to find more work.

Here's my catch 22, however. I'm going to miss a number of days this month due to 1-7 above. So it's tough to go to another partner, looking for more work, and say I want some, but oh-by-the-way, I'm not going to be around much this month. Very frustrating.

At least she repeatedly assured me that it had nothing to do with my work product. That's good news at least, and she apologized that no one had talked to me sooner, but still. Totally stressed me out.

So that's my life right now. Busy busy busy. I'm super stressed and find myself "down" a lot, which is ridiculous because so much is going "RIGHT" in my life (getting married, buying a house, great job...) I just have to keep reminding myself this is good stress...

Tired tired tired

2008-03-04T10:53:00.002-05:00

219.4 (keep going down you sadistic scale.. and we'll be friends.)

TUESDAY

I've been so tired this week, for really no good weekend. Ok, so yes, I had a craaaazy weekend running around all over the world of Georgia, but I did get almost enough sleep Sunday night. Yesterday I left work about 12:30 to do "one more" dress shopping trip (yeah right). I hit two stores and think I've narrowed it down to 3 dresses at one store. Of course Holly couldn't go with me yesterday so I couldn't make a decision. Why I can't decide this on my own, I don't know, but I can't! Hopefully she'll be able to take an hour or so today to make one final trip at lunch to PICK A DAMN DRESS. I'm so over this.

I finished my dress hell, I mean shopping, at about 4:00 yesterday and was exhausted. I was going to go back to work, but just couldn't do it. I ended up going home and taking a nap, then laying in bed all night till I passed out again about 11:30. I feel a little better today, but still slept in until 8:00 and of course did NOT do my morning exercise routine like planned. Bad girl! So now I have to try to find the motivation to work out tonight. We'll see.

Good news is, that I had a decent lunch right before dress trying-on-hell and didn't really get hungry for dinner between naps and lazy bed lounging. I had a little lunch meat & cheese and a bag of popcorn, but that probably explains why the scale was friendly today. I'm not complaining. I'm going to try to do it again today. I want to see 218.something by Thursday!

Poker is Financing my Wedding (dress..)

2008-03-03T10:01:00.006-05:00

219.6 (not bad!)

MONDAY

This weekend went by SOOOO fast. So much going on, again. This wedding planning stuff is hard. So, Friday night Holly & Dana come over for dinner & Wii for the boys and Tivo catch up for the girls. I had a bit too much wine, but not bad otherwise. Saturday Holly & I met up at 10:00 to start our crazy day of dress trying-on. I was determined to buy a dress on Saturday. I've probably tried on 100 different dresses by now, so it was time to commit. Our day started in Douglasville - a town about 25 miles west of us. We found a dress I absolutely LOVED. It's a maggie sotoro, and the rack size was a 14. It almost fit, but definitely was a little snug. After a conference with the seamstress who assured me that she could make that one fit, we decided it would be better to order one so I could add a few inches to the length. Being 5'11", almost nothing fits me off the rack, length-wise. So we did all the measurements, the store talked to the factory and supposedly was told that we could get that dress, plus 4 inches, in a 16 on July 7th. Not bad. but I didn't want to commit b/c I hadn't stopped by another store I had on my list. So I gave them all my information, got their card and assurances I could order it over the phone later that day, and we headed to carrolton. Just to be sure.

The Carrollton store was another 20 miles away, mostly south and a little west. We got there, tried on about 7 dresses, and were not wow'd by any of them. By now, it's about 2:45 pm and we're hungry and tired. We started heading for home, and I decided to order the one from Douglasville. I literally have the phone in my hand and it is ringing when Holly says - we have to go to Belles & Beaus - a bridal store in my own town that oddly enough I haven't been to and is where Holly got her dress. She's right. We never made it there. So I hang up and we trek another 30 miles back to Fayetteville. Well, Belle's & Beaus is under new management from when Holly got her dress, and they had a very small selection. Nothing the appealed to me. We didn't even try one one. By then it's 4:30 and we have another hour and a half before all the shops close, so we decide to try ONE MORE in Peachtree City (PTC). I'd been in this shop with holly about a month ago for her to try on bridesmaid dresses, before I was ready to try on wedding dresses, but hadn't looked at their stock.

So we get to J. Andrews in PTC, and find out they carry Maggie Sotoro - the designer that made the dress I fell in love with in Douglasville. Now PTC is MUCH closer to where I live now and our new house than Douglasville. Like about 20 miles closer. So I decided I'd try on their dresses, but if I didn't like them I'd order my Maggie from them. Now starts the trouble. Of course none of their dresses compared, so we started trying to figure out how to order my dress. It's about 5:30 now. Maggie has a great website, but for some reason I couldn't find my dress on it. So I called the Douglasville store and asked them for the design number "so I could show my mom online". They put me on hold for like 20 minutes (ok, maybe 5) and then came back and gave me a very odd model number. I said, ok, thanks and hung up. Of course that model number wasn't found on the website either, so this time Holly took my phone, and playing me, bullied them into giving me the right number. They really didn't want to, obviously for the exact reason I wanted it, but finally she got it out of them. She basically said she's not buying a dress if her mother couldn't see it and if they don't give it to her she'll go somewhere else. I worked. Unfortunately, that's not the end of it.

We still couldn't find it on the website, though the number is of the right type. Finally the owner of J. Andrews discovered that it was a discontinued design. Through all her "inside" resources, she discovered that they didn't have any in stock in my size and weren't making it anymore. Unfortunately, by that time the factory was closed, so she couldn't call them directly. This was so confusing as I thought the Douglasville store had talked to the factory about this specific dress. Turns out, they may have just talked to them generally about how much additional length was, and when the ship date would be. Odd. I just don't know. So we ended the day very depressed. The J. Andrews owner is going to call the factory today and call me back, hopefully with good news, but I'm just not confident. So depressing! I was ready to buy and then it gets snatched away. The worst part is that the dress I fell in love with was almost $300 cheaper than any other one I've liked. Booo!

So by then it's 6:00 and we're beat, frustrated, and starving. We met Dana for dinner at Longhorn, and then I headed off to a poker tournament I had won entry into through the company we play with. It's was a free tournament, but had a $1000 prize pool to the various winners. By 1:00 am I had won the tournament, and after making a deal at the final table, took home $500 of the $1000 with the rest being divided among 3 other players. Very cool. That $500 will definitely be going toward the wedding, and this stupid dress hunt. Here's a picture of me after I won (very tired!)

Lots of fun, but very exhausting. I didn't get home till about 1:30 Saturday night (sunday morning!) and got up about 9:00 for church with Erik & Daniel. After church we dropped off Daniel and then Erik & I had lunch and then spent 5 HOURS registering for our wedding at Dillard's and Linens & Things. We were SOOOO tired after that. Who knew it would be such a chore to pick out things for people to buy us?!? Crazy.

We got home and totally vegged out the rest of the night. Watched a couple movies, played a little online poker, and passed out.

This morning, I'm proud to say, I got up and did 30 mins on the treadmill. I'm still not nearly up to the ability to run all 30 yet, but I did run 1 mile, then did a hard walk on incline for the rest of my time. I'm hoping to be up to running a full 3 miles in 30 by the end of the month. I think I can do it.

So, this morning's scale is probably pretty accurate. Although I did drink Thursday, Friday & Saturday nights, I had only one meal on both Saturday & Sunday with all the running around we did, and boy i can say that trying on those heavy wedding dresses, and trekking around huge box stores for a registry gives you a work out. Sheesh. So I'm hoping to get the scale down another couple pounds this week. I think I can do it.

Erik & I leave for California for 4 days on Thursday, so I've got to really kick butt at work and at this diet before we leave. I'm absolutely planning on using the 24 hour gym at the resort, but I'd love to go into this mini-vacation seeing under 218 on the scale. Here's hoping!

More cool stuff

2008-02-28T13:42:00.005-05:00

So, I'm loving this - averaging my scale fluctuations, I'm doing really well. I usually hate how the scale bounces, but this makes it all feel ok... :-)

Thanks to Kristi for tipping me of to this google widget (on igoogle) and helping me figure out how to paste it here. I LOVE this widet. It makes those crazy scale fluctuations ok... (note - of course my "goal weight" is not 215, but I'm taking it 5 lbs at a time).

Good week!!!

2008-02-28T13:16:00.002-05:00

220.0

THURDSAY

Before I forget, here is where you too can get a "word cloud". Just click "custom". You can go through the process without having to pay anything. It's really cool.

So I've been having a good day today. First off, I'm not as "low" as I was this weekend when I saw 219.4 on the scale, but I'm very happy with this morning's weigh in. I also had a 3 lb loss at my WW meeting, mostly because I haven't been there for 3 weeks, but I'll take it. So long as it's going DOWN. :-) I'm pleased.

So far this morning work-out routine is going well. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill on Monday & Wednesday & 25 mins of weight training on Tuesday. I plan to do 30 more on the treadmill tomorrow morning and hopefully will be able to sneak in a little weight training tonight. I definitely think this is a big part of the scale being so friendly. I hope I can stick with it.

Of course one of the reasons I've been able to stick with it is that work has been pretty light this week. I generally don't like that, but I'm leaving town for 2 days next week so I don't feel comfortable taking on more work this week. Hopefully after my trip I'll be able to kick things up again.

On that note, I'm really excited about my trip. Erik & I are going to California for 4 days next week. We fly out Thursday morning and come back on Sunday. It's really exciting as Erik is getting honored at his company. He's one of several people country-wide getting the "President's Award". This is really cool because they're flying both of us out to Indian Wells in California for the weekend, giving him a $300 amex gift card, $200 towards hotel services (can you say SPA) and a few fancy dinners. I'm very excited as I've never been there. So that'll be fun. It'll also be hard to stay OP while out there, but I'm definitely going to do my best.

On wedding news, I went to pick up my invitations on Tuesday and of course they were wrong. They were all right except for the accommodations card. They put the wrong "face" on it and didn't even give us our thank you cards we ordered. So, they're correcting it and are supposed to have it to my by next Tuesday. We'll see.

Also on the wedding front, we're doing hopefully only one more trip to bridal shops this weekend to look at dresses. I'm so ready to buy one and be done with this. Which is a horrible attitude to have, but as I've noted before, I'm not a "shopping" person so I get bored with it quickly. Hopefully I'll fall in love with a dress this weekend!

That's about it. I'm very committed right now so I need to ride that wave!

Word Cloud

2008-02-27T12:31:00.004-05:00

Becky's blog had something really cool, so I did it to. (monkey see, monkey dooo.) This is a word cloud of my blog. Think I talk about weight & weekends enough? lol. The real question, though - why do I use the word "down" so much? Odd.

More dress shopping

2008-02-26T10:20:00.002-05:00

220.2 (at home)

TUESDAY

Well, holly and I went to another bridal shop yesterday at lunch. This one was a sort of fancy-schmancy one in Atlanta. Unfortunately, though, I found another dress I LOVE. And another designer I want to stalk all the styles of. Oh - and I also got the pressure sales talk that I need to order NOW NOW NOW or I'll never get it in time and be able to do any alterations, even though I'm over 6 months away. I'm not going to go crazy though. I'm giving myself another 3 weeks or so to pick the "winner". Unfortunately I have a hard time just buying off the rack for two reasons 1) I'm a big girl and, even more troublesome, 2) I'm really tall - so none of the dresses hit the floor on me. So I've resigned myself that I'll have to order the dress. I'm just not ready to commit yet.

In other good news, I've done day 2 of my 'get your ass up early and work out' plan. I got up at 6:30 this morning (crazy unheard of) and did 25 minutes of strength training. Boy I know I'll be sore later this week. On tap for tomorrow morning...another 30 minutes of cardio! 2 days down, 187 days to go. :-)

So today the scale is down a bit more, though not where I want it to be for Thursday's weigh-in. If I don't go crazy today or tomorrow (no plans for that!) I should definitely see a loss, but I want it to be a good 3 lbs! It's been 3 weeks since I weighed in at WW and I want to see 3 lbs for that 3 weeks. To ensure that I really need to see the scale at 219.0 or lower, so I don' t know if that's going to happen. All I can do is chug the water, make the good decisions and pray like crazy. Honestly if I see under 220.0 thursday morning, I'll be satisfied, if not happy...

Not much else going on. Work has slowed a bit, which is a little disappointing. I do have a few small reading projects that need to get done eventually that will keep me busy if necessary, but I'm hoping to pick up a few more assignments this week.

Funny how I post so much when I'm on track... :-)

Dress Shopping

2008-02-25T09:37:00.007-05:00

220.8 (at home)

MONDAY

This weekend Holly an I went dress shopping for my wedding dress and her bridesmaid dress. I was really down about it at first because I hate trying on clothes knowing I won't fit into them. Dress shopping is like the worst of that because many of the stores only carry "stock" sizes of 10 in all styles. But I agreed to give it a go anyway.

We started at a small bridal shop near where my new house is on Saturday. They had some "discontinued" dresses in my size (16/18) that were pretty, and at least two of their designers had a really cool thing where even though it was a 10, they had additional zippers inside that would let you zip it up in bigger sizes. That was neat. It made the back look weird, but at least you could see what the front looked like. So, we spent about 2 1/2 hours on Saturday and found a couple good ones and one that I really liked. Of course it's $1300...

Sunday we decided to hit David's Bridal. A big chain with 3 different locations in Atlanta. We hit the southlake one, closest to where we live. The great thing about this store is that they STOCK lots of sizes. The encourage buying off the rack, so they carry lots of styles in all sizes. I think I tried on about 15 dresses in my size. A few we had to go down or up a size, but we could still zip them (with a lot of holding of breath) and I got to see lots of styles. It was great. I found one I absolutely fell in LOVE with and I think might be the one. I always thought I'd get a "simple" dress, long and poofy but mostly just satin with minor embellishments. Not at all what I found. Once I started trying them on, I realized I wanted mine to be different. I didn't want my dress to be "similar" to anyone else's I know. I want to "wow" the people at my wedding. So I found one that is very different, and I totally love. It's very flattering on me (at least as much as can be expected). I didn't buy it, but I've definitely tagged it #1. here's motivation for me though - the "regular" sizes only go up to 16 which I could get into but was very tight. The "plus" sizes go from 14W-26W so I can definitely get it in my size. Thing is - plus sizes are $100 more. So, I need to make the 16 work.

The ladies at the store said I need 16 weeks for the order to come in. 20 weeks to be safe with alterations and stuff. So, I'm going to give my self about 3-4 weeks to drop a few pounds and try it on again. Then I'll hopefully be able to order the 16 in good conscience.

Other than that things are going well. I saw 219.4 on the scale yesterday morning (then had a big steak dinner) so I think I'll see a loss this week at WW. I also have a "new" plan (again) for work outs. Now I'm going to try to do them in the morning. Which is just unheard of for me so we'll see how it goes. Thing is, unless I have an appointment at work, which is rare, my "start" time is flexible. I can come in when In want. I just have to get my hours in. If I want to be here 10-8, that's cool with them. So there's really no excuse for not getting it out of the way in the morning.

So this morning I hit the treadmill. I did 30 minutes. I only "ran" 1/2 mile, but I did some speed walking on increased incline. I know if I get into a routine, my fitness will improve rapidly and I should be running the entire 30 minutes within a month. So that's the plan. Mon, Wed & Fri, I'll do 30 minutes on the treadmill before I leave. Tuesday and either Sat or Sun I'll do weight training for 30 mins. One day down, 188 days to go. :-)

Been away for a bit

2008-02-22T17:58:00.002-05:00

No weights.

FRIDAY

Ok, I just don't feel like posting weights. Not happy with how things are going, and as expected, only myself to blame. I've not been horrible, but I've been "maintaining" since I had one good week after getting engaged. That's NOT going to get me into the wedding dress size I want.

I'm starting to think it's hopeless, that I'm destined to be around 220 for the rest of my life. Hopefully no more. It seems like my "efforts" only serve to keep me from gaining anymore, which certainly is a good thing, but I can't seem to stick to it for more than a day or two in a row. What gives?

I keep thinking back to those first few months on WW. I first started when I was an intern at a law firm between my 2nd and 3rd years in law school. I continued on through my first semester of my 3rd year, all the way to goal and lifetime. It took 6 months to go from 208 to 167. Now I'm at 220, and can't seem to MOVE. I don't know what's wrong. I've done all the things they say - recommit, do what you used to do, treat it like the first time, etc. But for whatever reason, I can't. I find excuses. Why was it so easy back then? Why was I able to make the "tough" choices every day, day in and day out?

Now that was in 2001, so I know my metabolism may have slowed a bit, turning 30 and all, but that really doesn't explain this. That's really just a cop out.

I don't have the answer. I feel like I've tried everything. Today is just a really tough day. I went shopping with Holly today at Dillards. They're having a big shoe sale and she wanted to go. While I was there, I walked through the misses department. This is such a tough time for me shopping-wise because I'm a 16. Now that is possibly the worst size to be shopping-wise. It's the top of the "regular" clothes and the bottom of the "plus-size" clothes. Translation - they never have my size. In the women's section, they always have 18W and bigger. In the missus section, I'm lucky to find a 14. In all the styles I looked at today I found 2 16's on the whole 2nd floor. No I didn't look at every rack, but I looked at a lot. So frustrating. One didn't fit, and the other (a white dress) made me look like a ginormous 50's house-wife. Not good.

So I left there trying to explain to the oh-so-skinny, I can wear anything, Holly, why I hate shopping. She doesn't get it, though she tries to be sympathetic.

That's the other thing. She's my matron of honor, and has been pressuring me to go wedding dress shopping for a month and made me commit to tomorrow. I'm totally dreading it. I know I will hate the way I look in any of them. I also know that I can't put it off forever and it doesn't look like I'm losing the weight as planned. Shocker. I really don't want to do it. I'm so excited about the wedding but really feel self conscious about the whole thing. I'd love to be where I was in law school when I felt so confident at 167 - a solid size 10, tall, thin. I let it all go and then some though. I really didn't appreciate it enough.

Grrr.

So this became a rant blog. You can see, now, why it's been almost 2 weeks since I've been on. No good progress to report. That said, I still need to do this. It's theraputic in many ways, even when I'm off track.

Back on the Exercise Wagon

2008-02-11T10:04:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 222.2/WW WI 223.2/At Home WI: 220.8

MONDAY

So I was very good this weekend until last night, but I'll get to that. Friday night I actually worked until 8:30. It wasn't planned, just something that happened. Another associate needed help getting a project out the door and I had no major plans (Erik had Daniel) so I agreed to help out. Not bad for the hours anyway. I did hit McDonalds on the way home, but hadn't eaten much all day so I call that an "ok" day. Saturday I kicked butt. It was a VERY productive day. Erik had a Toastmasters meeting so I agreed to watch Daniel for a few hours during the day. After a bit of Wii (he is addicted, that boy) we went out and ran all the errands I had on my list. When we came home we played a bit more Wii (I rented two games, so I encourage his addiction I guess). Then Erik came home and I ran out to meet Holly to look at invitations for the wedding. I ended up ordering very cute poker invitations. I'm very excited about them, I'm supposed to get the proof today. I'm not excited about the price, but everything about weddings seems expensive.

After invitations, I met with my realtor, and signed what I think will be the final contract on our house. They accepted our final offer that went out on Thursday. We are set to close on March 18, so the next month is going to be CRAZY. After meeting with the realtor, I came home and ran on the treadmill. Nothing fabulous, but I did make a whole mile before walking. Considering my significant lapse in exercise commitment, I'll take it. I ended up covering 2 1/2 miles I think. not bad.

Sunday I got up before church (the EARLY) service even, and lifted with my new weights I bought at Walmart on Saturday. Boy am I feeling it today. I did just upper body and I knew I'd be sore in my legs from the run. Then we went to church. Then Holly, Erik, me and Daniel went back to our wedding facility for thier "wedding extravaganza". Basically I got to try their food, make some final decisions on chair covers/centerpieces, and show Erik the whole place. I think he liked, but I also don't think he cares too much.

After that Erik & Daniel went home and Holly & I went to IKEA. I LOVE IKEA, but I just get very overwhelmed in there. We were there b/c Holly need to by a dresser, and I wanted to look at bookshelves for the new house. I didn't buy any because obviously we haven't closed, but I think I know what I want if things all go as planned.

After that Erik and I went home and played Wii baseball until 12:30 in the morning. I had rented a baseball game because I know he likes the Wii Sports baseball game. I don't love it and should have known it would frustrate the hell out of me. He beat me 3 games in a row and we did one more that I think he let me win. I was SO frustrated. I hate being a sore loser, but I'm so competitive, it's hard to stop sometimes. I appologized for being so frustrated and I know he forgives me and understands, but sheesh. Get over it cindy - it's just a GAME.

Ah - can't stop my competitive nature I guess.

But yesterday was full of bad food choices. I didn't do so bad for breakfast - had an egg on a english muffin, but lunch was burger king and dinner was the Varsity (a really greasy drive-in in Atlanta) with taste testing in between on the site. Oh and 4 beers while playing Wii w/Erik. So not necessary. I'm so mad at myself, especially for the beer, because it really is a waste. Yes, I like the taste of beer, but 4 beers over 4 hours isn't going to affect me at all, and it's just wasted calories. When will I learn....

Today I plan to have a very low point day. I saw as low as 219.2 yesterday on the scale, so today's number is understandable but a disappointment. I really want to see a good loss on Thursday so now's the time to get things in the right direction. I do have dinner plans with my "mentor" at work, but I've already vowed to order a salad. Hopefully I can stick to that....

Another Day Logged

2008-02-08T12:10:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 222.2/WW WI 223.2/At Home WI: 221.2 (ok)

FRIDAY

So yesterday was WI day. On my morning weigh in (WW and this site) I weighed in at 222.2 or + 0.4. Not horrible and probably deserved since I went way off program Thursday -Sunday. Tried to get things back in line Monday on, but succeeded in basically minimizing the damage. Not bad. My meeting WI was an exact maintain which isn't surprising since I didn't eat or drink anything before the 12:00 meeting (was STARVING, won't do that again).

Busy week work wise. I spent too much time on Monday doing wedding stuff, but the rest of the week was pretty productive work-wise. Last night I was here till 10:30 finishing a project, so I should be able to leave on time today. Plans for this weekend - pick out invitations on Saturday, wedding site tasting on Sunday and update website & guest list in between.

I think we may have a final contract on the house we're looking at today, also, which is pretty exciting. We're waiting to hear back from the seller on a few final details, but I expect to be signing docs this afternoon!

Other than that, just living and loving life. I'm very blessed. If I could just start LOSING weight, my life would be perfect. :-)

So much going on

2008-02-06T10:14:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 221.8/WW WI 223.2/At Home WI: 222.2

WEDNESDAY

I've got 3 weights above because I'm not dually tracking my weekly WI's. My "last WI" is my at home Thursday morning WI that I'm using to track my ticker above and WW online. My "WW WI" is my actual live meeting WI that is always at noon on Thursday's at work, and I feel will be less "acurate" becaues of work clothes, timing, etc. My "ate home WI" is that morning's WI.

Oh numbers. I'm totally OCD about tracking stuff, so this makes me happy - how ridiculous.

So my life is CRAZY. Now I've always loved being busy and generaly am much more productive when I am, but damn I'm juggling a lot of balls right now.

1) House Hunting. We've been offering/countering/etc. on a georgous house for the last 2 weeks. We got a "final counter" from the seller on Monday that is still almost 10K higher than where we had planned to cap out, so we went to look at the hous again yesterday, and of course LOVED it. We've made one final "counter" even though they said they weren't going lower, but I'm afraid we might go with their last number if we have to. It's WAY more than I planned to spend, WAY more house than I need. But I love it. It has everything I want, and really is a place I could see myself in forever - raising my kids, etc. It's perfect. We'll see what happens.

2) Wedding Planning. Last weekend we went and visited a resort in north georgia that I fell in love with and booked straight out. I have them an obscene amount of money on deposit and basially signed my life away. We have a location and a date (August 31, 2008). Yesterday I went and looked at invitations, and fell in love with one that is, of course, ridiculously expensive. So we're going back on Saturday to talk to the "in house" people to see if they can do it cheaper. I am NOT spending $1K on invitations. That is obscene! Also, Sunday we're going back to the resort for their vendor "tasting". They'll have the food and all the local favorite vendors there. Should be fun, even if it's another 2 hour treck each weay.

3) LASIK. I've wanted LASIK for years. I've just not been able to justify the cost. I have worn contacts since high school, and have semi-bad allergies, so I have a hard time wearing them more than 12 hours a day. Also, Erik had Lasik almost 10 years ago and still has very good vision so I'm super jealous. My prescription isn't that bad - no coke bottle glasses or anything - but bad enough that I can't drive without glasses or contacts. Anyway, with this new job I got a flex-spending account which basically allows me to have my employer take out up to $3K pre-tax to pay for something like this. So I set that up starting in January. They take out $125 out of each paycheck pre-tax and put it into my "account". The good news is I don't have to wait until the end of the year to spend all $3K. I can get it now, and just pay it back over the year. So I decided I wanted to get the surgery done before the wedding and honey moon and before wedding planning got all crazy. So last month I booked my consultation that was yesterday. Things went well, and I'm a good candidate. Due to "thin" corneas, I'm going to do a less common procedure of "epi-lasik" instead of traditional lasik. Same result and cost, just a little longer recover time (like a week instead of a day). But it's safer considering my thin corneas. (Weird, nothing ELSE on my body is "thin", why do my cornea's have to be?!?). I've set my surgery appointment for March 28 (between closing, travel, etc). Hopefully it'll go smoothly.

4) WW. Of course through all this I'm trying to stay on track to lose between 1.5-2 lbs a week. I have NOT started exercising and I have not excuse except being busy and too lazy to do it at 10:00 pm at night. I totally could put in 30 minutes though and NEED to start. The weight will NOT come off with WW alone. I'm not dedicated enough. I HAVE to put in the time working out. I'll start tonight.

5) Work - oh yeah, that thing that PAYS for everything listed above. I'm "trying" to put in 45-50 hours a week. It has been difficult with wedding and lasik apointments this week, but I have GOT to make this a priority. Without this job, I cannot afford any of the above and I need to do a good job here.

6) Travel - We have so many weekend trips planned in the next few months. Erik won a trip at work for being such a good employee and the second weekend of March we're taking 4 days to go to California on his company's tab. We fly out Thursday and come back Sunday. So nice and should be totally comped, but wow I don't feel like I have time to travel right now. Also, my work has 2 retreats planned in the next 2 months. One for "mid-associates" (i.e. 4th & 5th years) in March about 2 hours from Atlanta, and one for all associates in April in Miami. Again all of these are paid for, but they pull me away from 1-5 above. Crazy.

I think that's about it. It's surely enough. Needless to say I'm going to TRY to continue to blog every other day or so, but if I disappear for a week, you'll know why.

6 days OP!

2008-01-31T09:19:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 221.8/At Home WI: 221.8 (fine)

THURSDAY

Well, I had a good week. 6 straight days OP. And I still have 19 flex points for the week! Unheard of! So, I'm going to splurge a little tonight. Only 19 max points worth, though. It's the first time going into my typical WI night splurge that I have legitimate points to use to do it. Not bad.

So I'm going back to meetings today, but have decided to use my morning nekkid weight as my progress on here. I hate stressing about the clothes to wear, and stripping down to nothing, just so I can see the lowest possible number. Now that I'm going to meetings at work, I need to be able to just go, and not stress. So - to alleviate that, I'm recording here, and on the WW site, my morning WI. So, that just means I'll have two tracking systems going simultaneously. Not a problem. I'll still lose the same in the long run but without the stress.

So today I saw 221.8. Not bad. Up about 1.4 from the lowest I saw this week, but I'm ok with that. Still significantly lower than last week. And I can say I had a fully OP week. Now, next week I'm going to add in exercise. Goal of 3 days, minimum of 2 (to start with). I should start tonight. Today's kind of a wierd schedule. I should be billing a full 10 hours today since it's the last day of the month, but I made a commitment to pick up some political signs for a group I volunteer with this afternoon, and they sign company is near where I currently live (30 miles from work) and only open till 5:00. So I'm leaving at 3:30 to make sure I make it in time. I had planned to go home and work some more, but now I'm thinking 30 minutes on the treadmill couldn't hurt. I can still get a few more billables in before Erik gets home and we go out. I have decided I'm going out tonight, despite the fact that LOST premiers and I'm SUPER excited about that. I hate commercials, so I'll record it and watch it when we get home.

Other than that, all is well. We made an offer on the "big" house we've been looking at yesterday with the new agent. We totally lowballed it. I mean like 50K under asking so I know we won't get a flat yes. I'm just curious what they counter with.

Ok, nothing too exciting. Loving being engaged, loving my man. And loving being OP!

Still Pluggin Along

2008-01-30T09:53:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 224.8/At home WI: 221.6

WEDNESDAY

So, I'm up a bit on the scale today, but I'm not at all surprised. I had been dropping very rapidly and went from 222.4 on Monday to 220.4 on Tuesday. So 221.6 isn't so bad. Tomorrow is official WI, and I'm actually going to a meeting. I can't decide what to do as my "official" WI, my morning hop, or the meeting WI. Normally I would automatically use the meeting WI, but that was what I did back when I didn't do WW at work, and could wear the same, relatively skimpy, outfit to WI every week. Now, having to wear work clothes (particularly in the winter), I'm not sure it's a fair representation. Now I know, over the long run it'll all even out if I'm losing. But I like to see a fair number every time. So, I'm thinking I'll weigh in the morning, nekkid as usual, and count that online, and in my personal tracker, then I'll wear a relatively light outfit to work, and WI there and go to the meeting with my friend. I plan to lose a good bit (I always PLAN to) so I want to be at meetings and get awards, etc., but for now, I'm going to stick with my "home" weight as official WI online, and just know that my meeting WI will always be at least a couple pounds higher.

I still haven't gotten myself to work out this week. I'm not sure why. No good excuse. I think I forgive myself because I've been so good about tracking and staying in my points. I guess, since tomorrow is my reset day, I'll just let this first week go as a "back on track food-wise" week, and commit to at least 3 days of cardio for my next week. I think that's fair. No excuse this weekend why I can't get in at least one, likely two, good workouts on the treadmill. I can DO it!

Other than that, life is just plain busy. With wedding planning, lots of work, and house hunting, my head is spinning. Yesterday was crazy - I fired my real estate agent I'd been working with for 2 months. It was a long time coming, but she was a friend so I put it off. When she couldn't figure out why the contract the other agent sent her wouldn't print right and put off our offer for a day to work on it, (it was on "legal" paper, and specifically said so in the email) I decided enough was enough. She's a great bartender (how we met her before she went to real estate school), not so much a realtor.

So, I have a new realtor that is supposed to be faxing an offer today on a house we found this weekend and absolutely loved. I know we won't get it at the offer we're making (VERY low) but hopefully they'll counter and we'll get an idea if we're even close. I love this house - it's way more than we need, but it's gorgeous.

Let's see, still plan to see the proposed wedding site this weekend. Other than that, things are moving along. I mapped out my weight loss goals between now and the wedding. I have to average 3 1/2 lbs every 2 weeks to be where I want to be. I know I can do it. That's about 7 lbs a month. With total commitment, that's completely do able. I'm committed! Just have to start that exercising!

Off and working!

On the right TRACK!

2008-01-29T09:24:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 224.8/At Home WI: 220.4 (HELL YEAH!)

TUESDAY

Well, It's been almost a week since the engagement, and I'm down over 5 lbs on the scale. Yes, yes, I know the first week back on track is always a great loss, but I'm LOVIN it! I don't count an official WI till Thursday, which is actually going to be a real WI, at a meeting. A girl who sits near me at work wants to go to WW with me at work starting this week. I'm all for it. I need a "buddy"! She is also engaged and getting married in October. The thing is, she's tiny! Ok, so maybe not tiny, but I would bet she's already in the healthy range WW provides. She wants to lose 10 lbs for her wedding though. I can understand that, and I'm all for having someone to go to the meetings with. Hopefully this will be the added plus that gets me where I need to be.

So I haven't exercised this week, and I really haven't had any excuse. Work has been busy, but I've definitely had time at home when I could have hit the treadmill. But I plan to hit it at LEAST once this week, and I plan to buy some 10 & 15lb weights this weekend at Target to get into some strength training at home. I can DO this!

WW has a "tool for living" called anchoring. They have a lot of "cheesy" tools that I generally don't find helpful for me, but this one is very appropriate right now. I don't know what the official description of it is, but my understanding is that you have some physical item that you carry around with you that reminds you of why you're doing this, what your goals are, what your motivation is, etc. I've never been able to find the right "anchor" until now. I'm sure you can guess what it is - my engagement ring. Everytime I get hungry (i.e. bored) when I haven't planned a snack or meal, I look at it. Everytime I want to eat MORE after I've eaten a reasonable size meal, I look at it. And I always tell myself, I don't want to be a fat bride.

Now, many might feel that is superficial. I can't believe you only want to lose weight for your wedding. You don't want to do it to be healthy? Well of course I do. But that motivation hasn't worked the last 6 years. Maybe this one will. I'm using it if it works.

On fun wedding news, I found a place that I would LOVE to have my wedding at. At least based upon what I found on the website. Holly & I are going up there this Sunday to look at it. I hope it's everything they advertise. If so, it'll be perfect!

Here's to a good WW motivated week!

ENGAGED!

2008-01-26T12:27:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 224.8/At Home: 223.8

SATURDAY

Well it's been a crazy couple weeks! Last weekend Erik & I, along with 6 other friends went to Tunica, MS for a casino/poker weekend. I had a lot of fun and did really well, though didn't make the big money. I played in a $550 tournament on Friday night that won me a $7500 seat in the "big" tournament on Sunday. In that tournament I got 38th out of 180. Unfortunately, they only paid out to 18th place. But, considering I was playing with mostly pros, I did very well and was very pleased with myself. That said, it would have been nice to cash as 18th paid $12K and 1st paid $450K. Oh well, there's always next year.

We got home on Monday, and then on Wednesday night Erik proposed!!! It was so funny. Turns out he picked up the ring the thursday before on the way to Tunica and had planned to do it in Tunica. He even scheduled a fancy dinner for us, that we ended up missing since we misunderstood the closing time of the restaurant. So, since he couldn't do it last weekend, he decided to do it at the location of our first date - Chaps. He totally surprised me, which is something I didn't think he could do knowing that it was coming sometime in the next few months. Anyway, I came by after work, we played poker with all our friends, and turns out I did really well that night. He had planned on doing it when I went out of the poker tournament, but I ended up getting 3rd. So he did it as we were paying our tab. Course by this time, the place was pretty empty, but that's ok, it was very sweet. He totally shocked me. Dana, his closest friend, was there running the poker show and knew it was coming, but other than that he kept it a total secret. So funny and sweet. I'm so happy.

So above is a very blurry picture of the ring taken from my camera phone. I still need to sit down and upload a nice one with my digital camera.

So Thursday I did very little at work, even though I am SWAMPED. I billed two hours, then Holly came up and we had lunch and looked at bride magazines and talked about locations the rest of the day. I think she's more excited than me! Course she just finished her wedding, so she's probably in withdrawal. Of course Thursday night I got an email on my blackberry saying EMERGENCY EMERGENCY the next 8 days will be hell and we need everyone to work major hours to get a project done by 2/1. So, after 24 hours of wedding talk and excitement, I've had to put it aside and work my butt off. I billed 14 hours yesterday and am sitting at work now (taking a much needed brain break). I expect to bill at least 10, hopefully 12 or 13 hours today. Tomorrow I'm taking a short break to go to church and look at a few houses that we'd scheduled with the realtor, then going to try to bill at least 6 hours. Monday - Friday look like 12-14 hours days. Then hopefully next weekend I can veg, and enjoy being a bride!

As for the wedding, there still lots to think about as far as a date, but we're talking about August/September, possibly labor day weekend if we can find a location we like that isn't booked. Who knows - can't think about it for 6 more days.

So that's me excitement! WOO HOO. Finally I'm a bride. At least for 7 or so months! :-)

Oh - and now I think I FINALLY got the motivation to do what I need to WW-wise. Since Erik proposed, I've been diligently tracking my points and making good choices. No exercise, as work has limited that, but after this emergency passes, I expect to get back to that too. I'm giving myself 2 months to lose as much as I can before I start looking at wedding dresses. I'm EXCITED!

YEAH!

2008-01-14T09:37:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 224.8/Morning WI: 221.0 (YEAH)

Monday

In control! Finally! Ok, so after my thursday night binge, I did go out on Friday and drink a little. Then Saturday and Sunday I was GREAT. I did a good workout on the treadmill on Saturday and ate very moderately both days with lots of water and no alcohol. And I was rewarded on the scale. Actually I saw 222.4 yesterday and was pleased at that. I'd love to get under 220 before thursday!

So I have a new plan - to go with a new week, lol. It seems like I make up new "plans" constantly in this weight loss battle. Anyway, I was reading about a new "diet" where you eat 4 400 calorie meals a day, no more than 4 hours apart and got to thinking that might work for me. I've got to find something that works - for life, and starving myself just doesn't cut it. But this might work. The best part about it is that I get to eat every 4 hours! So that's what I did saturday and sunday. 4 400 calorie meals about 4 hours apart. For my normal work day that would mean breakfast at about 7:30, lunch at 11:30, snack(?) at 3:30, and dinner at 7:30. Now that's not bad. I generally get hungry about 3:30 or 4 anyway, so as long as I keep it light, I can have 2 "dinners". Now I know there will be times when this doesn't work - scheduled dinners, travel, etc. But for an "everyday" routine, I find it very appealing. Oh - and any exercise I get is just a bonus. This keeps me generally at 1600 calories a day. Not bad for my weight. If I lose a bunch I may have to drop it to 350 calories/meal, but for know 1600/day is very reasonable.

So - here we go. Today I had my ~400 calorie breakfast. I'm set for lunch at 11:30 ish. And, if I'm hungry, I can even eat a little earlier. With 7:30 being my last meal, I can move that up a bit and still not go to bed too hungry.

Here's hoping it works!

Oh - and no alcohol till Thursday. And then, only because we're going out of town. My perfect little plan will be foiled for 5 days staring Thursday night. I fly to Memphis then drive to Tunica for our annual January casino trip with friends. There are 9 of us going and it's going to be a blast. But food is going to be tricky since tunica is the world of fried and everything is on a buffet. I'll do my best and at worst, get back on track after I get back Monday. But for now - I plan to see under 220 before I leave Thursday!

HERE WE GO!

Alcohol is the Devil

2008-01-11T10:42:00.000-05:00

Don't ask

Friday

So yesterday I was doing pretty good, getting work done, tracking points, etc. Then Erik and I decided to go to Y-knots for poker. And it was my turn to drink - his to drive. So all goodness went out the window. And it was a semi-drama night that ended well with strong resolve I think. So - some background:

Last Thursday night we also went to Y-knots where it was my turn to drive. So Erik drank. And drank. And got drunk. I'm not a big fan of drunk Erik, but he puts up with drunk me, so I know it's only fair to do the same. Except Thursday night, I was REALLY not a fan. I did well in the poker tournament and ended up getting to the final table. Erik went out earlier so he went to a different part of the bar to hang out with some other friends and shoot darts. I finally busted out of the poker game about 10:30 and went to find Erik. He was playing dollar a game darts with two guys we know. Ok. So I hung out for a bit and scratched off some lottery tickets with Dana when he finished up running the poker show. Then Dana left and it was about 11:15 and I was ready to go. I told Erik this and he wanted to play one more game. Ok. fine. But he wanted to play cricket. Oh hell no. If you know anything about darts, cricket is a game that can last forever, particularly with bad dart players like Erik and his also intoxicated friends.

So they agreed to a modified game of cricket that shouldn't last as long. So I so ok - I'll go play the mega touch for a while. The mega touch is in the same room as the darts but on the other side of the room. I played for a while and then looked back and didn't see Erik at the dart board. I was confused. I looked around the room and found him, and one of his buddies, talking to a table of girls we don't know. Ok, not a fan of that, but his friend is single, so I thought, hey - maybe Morgan's doing the flirting. So I watched. And it turns out they were trying to persuade this one girl to come over and play darts with them. They finally convinced her to and, to my great disappointment, it was Erik that was showing her how to shoot them. Like standing behind her showing her. Ok - so he wasn't REALLY doing anything wrong. But enough to irritate me. My plan was to try to stay a "fly on the wall" and see where this went, but unfortunately his other friend saw me watching and said something to the effect of "I'm glad I'm not going to be driving Erik home tonight..." Erik looked over saw, me and came over a bit later. By this point he was hammered so it was pointless to try to talk to him about it. It would turn into a fight that he wouldn't even remember. So I took him home and dropped it. I had meant to say something this last week, but I kept forgetting and never brought it up. Though I did talk to Holly about it (and I know she told Dana - one of Erik's good friends - Dana is a guy by the way). But it never got brought up to Erik.

So when did I bring it up? Well, last night. After about 4 beers. BRILLIANT! I brought it up at the bar, while Dana was there and the other friend who had been there last week (the one who called out he didn't want to be the one to drive Erik home). As I suspected Erik had no memory of the girl whatsoever. But the guys backed me up. He apologized and it sparked a conversation about how we really should cut back on drinking so much, particularly when one can drink and the other cannot.

The logic goes something like this - what do we really get out of it? Particularly on Thursday nights, the answer is an inflated bar tab and a hang over on Friday at work. Oh and we usually fight. Almost the only time Erik and I fight is when one of us is drunk and the other is not. So, I think we agreed that the Thursday night drunken trade-offs will stop. I hope we only now drink when we're both able to. We have a lot of fun together when we're both drinking, but when one is and the other is not - it results in arguments more often than not. I hope we stick to this.

So obviously I went way over in points yesterday and this mornings mini-hangover led to a drive through at Chick fil a, so not a good start. But I'm going to try to reign it in for the weekend.

Picture

2008-01-10T09:57:00.000-05:00

On a less depressing note, I realized I haven't posted a picture in a while. This is a not-so-horrible picture of me and Erik new year's eve (before the drama). I love my man. We were standing outside to watch the fireworks Dana and Holly bought (amazing fireworks!) and it was coooold.

Screw You Scale

2008-01-10T09:27:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 224.8/Morning WI: 224.8

Thursday.

Ok. Now I'm just pissed. And hurt and depressed. What the hell. So yesterday I didn't follow my plan 100%, but enough not to deserve this. I ended up staying at work till 7:30. Went home - chugged like a million ounces of water, and went to bed. I was asleep before 11:00. No I didn't hit the treadmill, but NO I didn't eat dinner either. I only started to feel the tiniest bit hungry about 8:30 pm and said - nope. I will not eat again today. I've probably hit my points with that evil sushi buffet, and I need to see a good number on the scale tomorrow. So I went to bed, having last eating about 2:00 pm.

This morning (after getting up no less than 3 times last night to pee - thanks million ounces of water) I jumped on the scale and saw 224.8. What? 3.2 lb gain? Are you freaking kidding me? This is the number I've vowed to record on all my stupid websites and databases? Ok. So I just don't get it. No, I wasn't perfect this week, but I did TRY. More than I've done in over a month. I ran 2 times (again more than over a month). I tracked everything I ate on WW e-tools - even when I went over. And shit - I didn't eat for over 17 hours before WI! WTF? Now when I get sick and don't eat for 17 hours the scale plummets (then rebounds once I start eating). But hell, I didn't even care if it was a "fake" number this morning, so long as it wasn't a 3.2 lb gain! I'm so mad and sad and disappointed and confused.

I feel like the scale just laughs at me as it climbs to nearly new heights. Now my stupid ticker at the top looks like I just started this journey. Oh boy do I wish I had just started this journey. Every day this week the scale creeped up, laughing the whole way....222, ha ha, 223, ha ha ha, 224, ha ha ha ha. Oh - you don't like 224.8? No I didn't, so what did I do - brushed my teeth and then re-hopped. HA HA HA - 225.4. Fine. I'll take 224.8. WTF. Maybe my scale's messed up? That would be too much to hope for.

I've said it a million ways, and I'll say it again. I don't get it. I just don't get it. I didn't expect this fabulous loss - I mean come on, I wasn't perfect. But I didn't expect a "fabulous" gain either.

So - the question remains. What am I going to do about it. Well, a big part of me wants to say FUCK YOU SCALE and just eat whatever I want. Gorge on pizza hut and McDonalds. Say so what if I'm 300 lbs next year. So what.

But I know that won't make me happy either. As I noted yesterday, I am over weight, but I'm not horribly unhealthy. At 300 lbs I'd be horribly unhealthy.

So, I'll try again. I had my stupid 3 pt weight watcher muffin for breakfast. I've packed some snacks (including that apple and orange I so proudly DIDN'T eat yesterday). And I'll try to get through another day. Sad, disappointed and depressed. But I'll get through.

I'll count my blessings, and be happy for a life that, with the exception of weight struggles, is pretty darn good - good job, good family, good man. Stop complaining and keep trying.

Sadly. Disappointedly. We'll leave it at that. Oh - and no sushi buffet...for a long while.

Sodium sodium sodium...

2008-01-09T15:45:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 221.6/At home WI: 224.4 (yep.)

WEDNESDAY

Ok, so perfect little girl I was Monday? Went out the window last night. It all started out ok. I was on track for breakfast, then I decided to have sushi for lunch. Well, my favorite sushi place near work has a sushi buffet for lunch. Now I just said the biggest curse word for dieters...buffet.... But I figured - hey - it's a SUSHI buffet - how bad can it be? Well, it wasn't horrible and although I did go back for seconds, they were small plates and I didn't fill them up...totally. Either way - that's a lot of sodium. Because of course I dip every cute little piece into soy-sauce and wasabi. So that's what a blame this morning's weight on. It could also be the late afternoon/evening snacks (all 100 pt snacks, but when you have 5 of them it defeats the purpose), or the chicken breast (w/o skin!) mashed potatoes and mac & cheese from KFC on the way home. Or the no exercise - it was an off day remember? Ah...how they all add up. Grrrr..

Oh - and my cute little mantra? Turns out I don't always answer the question correctly. What's more important, KFC or going to bed a bit hungry because your already over in points....I chose KFC. I said, eh, I'm fat. I'll always be fat. Might as well be comfortable (i.e. not hungry). Bad little devil speaking there. So, as to be expected, the cute little mantra was not the magic cure. Long term discipline is the (not so) magic cure. Just have to keep trying I guess.

Today I was ok for breakfast, but not as ok for lunch - I guess I didn't get enough sushi yesterday because I went back today. More sodium... But frankly, there are definitely worse places to eat. I stayed away from the fried rice, and other "dishes" and stuck with sushi rolls. I surely had more than I needed, but for the most part those buggers are only about 1/2 a point each. Now - to finish the day off strong. here's the plan. I'm actually going to work pretty late - at least 8:00 pm. I've got an apple and an orange in my drawer for later when I get munchy. I didn't have my sushi binge lunch until about 1:30 today so I'm definitely not going to be hungry for a while. I'll have my apple/orange. I'll go home around 8:00. I'll get on the treadmill and do my 2+ miles. And I'll go to bed (after chugging copious amounts of water). Let me say that again - I'LL GO TO BED. No late night dinner. I don't need it. And tomorrow is my vowed WI day so we need to mitigate the damages here (fancy lawyer term).

On another sodium related issue. I love salt. I'm totally addicted to it. Whether in the soy sauce form or the plain old grain version, I use a ton of it. I know this is bad as it makes you retain water, and increases risk for high blood pressure, etc. Ok, so I get the first one (and boy did I GET it this morning on the scale) but the second? Not a problem. I have always had very "normal" blood pressure even at my heaviest (not to far from where I am now). And when I'm running, even sporadically, my blood pressure is really low. Not like dangerous low, but healthy low. For example. I've been back on the treadmill for 2 days this week. Yesterday I went to give blood (to get them to stop calling me, I'm 0- and they will not leave me alone when I due). The nurse took my blood pressure and frankly couldn't hold back her surprise when she told me it was 106/66. Now that's low, even for me.

So, although I definitely want to lose weight and will continue, probably forever, to work on it, I think I'm a healthy overweight person. I can run 2 miles, sometimes as much as 4 or 5 and my blood pressure is really low. Is that so bad? If it weren't for image issues, I really don't think I'd be trying to lose weight so bad. Now I'm not saying I couldn't be healthier, I could. But I'm not so bad off, really.

I read this article a few days ago. Although it's very depressing in the sense that it suggests those of us will never be "comfortably" thin, it does imply that over-weight people can be healthy. Of course, it just makes me curse all those "naturally thin" people all the more...

Anyway - I know I'll always battle this. I may never get back down to goal weight. But I also know the day I stop battling will be the first day on my way to 300 lbs. I will always gain if I don't fight it. I love food and self indulgence too much.

So, on with the fight - off to battle...

No reward for hard work today.

2008-01-08T09:37:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 221.6/Morning WI; 223.6 (wtf?)

TUESDAY

So, I know weight fluctuates daily based on more than just caloric intake. But I was hoping to see a lower number this morning. I was so good yesterday. Ate exactly my points, plus one of the activity points I earned by running 2 miles/walking .5 yesterday after working late (8:30). So dedicated and so not rewarded. Oh well - we'll do it again and hope for the best tomorrow. Gotta keep pluggin along. I did really well with water and fruits and veggies yesterday too, so all around a good day. Here's to another...

I won't be working out tonight as I think I need a break after two hard pushes on the treadmill. My legs are a little sore and I'd hate to hurt myself after my slackerness the last few months. So today is off to rest, and back at it tomorrow.

So far this morning I've had a balance bar and a banana (total 6 pts) and I'm still starving. I think today is going to be a tough day. I've got to figure out a yummy, filling, low point lunch to keep me going.

Other than that, no new news.

Mantras - Can they work?

2008-01-07T08:42:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 221.6/Morning WI: 222.8

MONDAY

Well it's a new week and I haven't done much on the "new years resolution front". It's January 7 and I've really not accomplished much yet. This is supposed to be when people are most motivated, right? Well last night, on my way home from a friend's house, I created a new "mantra" for myself. Well, it's not new, but new to me. The theory is, before I make any health/weight/food related decision I ask the question: What's more important. I.e. What's more important, this meal or being thin? What's more important, watching this TV program or being thin (and working out). Last night it worked. I got home at about 8:30 and hit the treadmill for 30 minutes. Ran a total of 2 miles, walked .5 and burned 425 calories. Not bad. Then I drank lots of water before going to sleep about midnight. So today, for breakfast - I asked the question, and then settled on a 4 point breakfast bar, rather than chick-fil-a on the way in. So far so good. 12 hours in and it's working. Now, will it last? Who knows.

I've come to realize that all losing weight is, is finding the 'tricks' that work. We all have different ones. What motivates one person doesn't another. For me, I just have to find those that work. The first time I did WW it was the newness of it, the calculating (I'm OCD) and the game. Now I've come to the point where I'm too good at cheating. I WI in the morning, see a lower number than I deserve and feel it gives me the justification to eat too much that day. I know I can earn APs at home, so I over-eat during the day "planning" on hitting the treadmill, then I don't. Things like that. No more can I rely on the 'game' because I've instituted cheating into it. (kinda like baseball these days, eh?)

So, now I'm going to try the mantra. I'm still going to do WW because it's a good check for making sure I'm eating enough (surprisingly when I'm "ON" that's an issue) and that I'm not over-estimating things. I just have to make a million little decisions that ultimately boil down to one big one - I'm doing something about this!

On other issues, we went house hunting this weekend and I fell in love with a house on Saturday that I found out on Sunday was under contract. Of course. It's definitely not a bad thing, though because technically I was a bit more than I wanted to spend. So maybe I can be happy with something else. I had a "second favorite" that both Erik and I liked that's still on the table. We're set to look at a bunch more this weekend, so here's hoping.

Other than that, today is a busy day at work. 3 meetings and lots to do.

Hoping for a good day!

House hunting

2008-01-04T09:49:00.001-05:00

Last WI: 221.6/At Home WI: 224.0 (beer is evil)

FRIDAY

Well, I finally have work to do. YEAH! Funny how I'm wanting work, being that I'm such a lazy bum. But when my job is on the line (billing is how we're evaluated in part) then I care.

So last night, Erik and I talked about the house shopping issue. I'm really torn about what to do here. As I think I've mentioned, we will be kicked out of our house early this year. Now it's looking like first of April is the likely deadline. That gives me January and February to find a house (considering a 30 day closing). So I'm looking. And I'm frustrated. We found, what we thought, were some great houses back before the holidays. Turns out, it's a gang ridden area. Who knew? So, obviously that's out. Now we're debating between buying intown or OTP (outside the perimeter, as they say locally). There's pluses and minuses to both. Intown is closer to my work, so minimizes my commute. Typically, I work more hours, so this balances things out as he will still likely get home around the same time even with his 45 minute commute. But, his son's mother lives outside the perimeter, sort of near Erik's work, and obviously they split custody a lot. So that's a pain. Also, all my friends are down south of ATL. Granted, I can make new friends, and make an effort to see the old ones, but it's a factor. Of course in-town you get much less house for your money too.

Oddly, Erik is pushing in-town. Which is really weird because he hates traffic, and hates big cities. I keep saying I'm willing to commute if he wants to live suburbs, but he keeps saying no - it'll be easier for you if we live in-town. Odd. I figured I'd be begging for in-town, he'd be pushing suburbs. Instead it's the opposite.

Also, now that we're on a semi-short time frame, and we can really only look on the weekends, I'm ready to start looking. NOW. As in this weekend. But my realtor, whom I made an appointment with before the holidays to look at houses tomorrow, is not responding to my emails. Doesn't she realize in this market, she should be falling all over me? I mean really, how many eager buyers are out there? And I'm a sure thing. I WILL be buying something in the next 3 months. She's got till the end of today then I'm looking for someone else. I know several people who would love my business. It's just odd because this isn't like her. She was very helpful and eager before the holidays. We'll see I guess.

Other than that, all is well. I need to get cracking on the nice little work-out plan I mapped out yesterday...

Highly Paid Internet Surfer.

2008-01-03T13:41:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 221.6/At Home WI: 221.6

THURSDAY

I made some goals this week and so far I've kept two out of four. First, I was going to log all my food into my online WW journal every day regardless of how bad I was. Check. (and boy did yesterday look bad...). Second, I vowed to weigh in once a week, at home, on Thursday mornings, and record it online at WW (and here). Check. This morning showed a one pound gain, but considering yesterday's scary number, and my new years binge, I think I can handle that.

Goals three and four haven't gone as smoothly. Goal three - cardio 3 x per week. Goal 4 - strength 1 x per week. Granted I haven't been through a week yet, but so far nill on both. I totally planned to run yesterday (hello - treadmill 30 steps away from the bed...) but slacked. And slacked and slacked. no excuse. Just lazy. Why? Again, no excuse. Grrr.

So I've got to find a way to commit. I had hoped to start training for a half marathon here in Atlanta in March. I can still do it, but need to get my butt in gear NOW. I need to make up a schedule and stick to it. I'm going to do that right after I post this.

As for strength training? i know I need to do more than once a week. But I SOO hate doing it right now that I feel like once a week would be a great success. Maybe I'll go tonight after work....

As for work, I still have nothing to do, but have work on the horizon. I have a 10am meeting tomorrow to pick up a new case, and a 9am meeting on Monday for a current case. I'm also supposed to be hearing from a young partner this afternoon about a project, so there's hope. Meanwhile, I've been a very highly paid internet surfer.

New Year, Same old Goals...

2008-01-02T10:27:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 220.6/At Home WI: 224.0 (ick!)

Wednesday

Ok - so I saw 221.8 yesterday and 224 today. Weird. But I was definitely dehydrated yesterday so that probably has something to do with it.

So the holidays were nice. I had my best friend from college - Gloria - in town. She and I are simply put - soul mates. Not in the romantic sense, obviously, but we are just so similar we will be best friends for ever. I met her the first night I moved into my dorm freshman year and we've been instant best friends since. She currently lives in Hawaii and is finishing up her PhD in clinical psychology, but is hoping to move back soon, possibly to Georgia. I'm lucky that I live very close to where most of her family is from, so there's a good chance she'll move here once she starts working. We had a great visit and Erik dropped her off at her grandparents this morning where she'll be spending a few days before flying back to Hawaii.

New years, we went to Holly's for our big party. It was a lot of fun, but I got way too drunk and sometime after midnight got into a cry-fest fight with Erik about why he hasn't proposed yet. So not good. He was wonderful and said all the right things but I hate that I made such a scene. I was pretty gone so I don't remember exactly how many people were still at the party - I'm hoping not too many, it was definitely a good bit after midnight. Oh well - drunken stupidity is a must on occasion it seems...

So, now it's a new year but the same old goals. Lose weight, eat right, exercise...etc.etc. Same as everyone, but I need it more than most since I've let things slip lately.

Back at work today with still nothing to do. I emailed my practice group leader and he said he'd "work on it" and the he's not back till Monday. Great...looks like another slow week... So not good for the bonus I had hoped to get next Christmas.

This weekend Erik and I will be looking at houses again. I'm so depressed about this. I thought it'd be so fun since we have plenty of time and it's such a "buyers market". Well, that's great and all, but I'm still cheap. I don't want to pay 300K + just to live in the city. I want a nice clean 3 - 4 bedroom house for under 200K. With a garage. So much to ask? In this area, apparently so. So who knows. We're supposed to look at some intown houses this weekend, but I know I'm going to be disappointed either in the neighborhood or the house. Here's hoping though...

Other than that, nothing too crazy going on. Still hoping for that call/email saying we've got some work for you... MUST BILL HOURS. lol.

Good Christmas

2007-12-27T11:48:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 220.6/At Home WI: 220.6

THURSDAY

Well, I had a good christmas. At the last minute I decided to visit my family in Tennessee for a couple days before christmas. I'd committed to spending the actual day and eve with Erik and his family here in town, but decided since those days conveniently fell on Monday and Tuesday that I could fly to TN Fri-Sun. It was great to see my family and hang out for a bit. I'm glad I did it. Thank you skymiles!

As for the WW front, I haven't been all that good until yesterday. I actually didn't even step on the scale for over a week (unheard of for me) for fear of what I'd see. It had been creeping up to an "alltimehigh" scary number and although I know what to do to stop it, I just couldn't do it. So, after Christmas I've recommitted (again?). Yesterday I braved the scale to see 223.6 and was surprisingly pleased. So I had a great day yesterday, ran on the treadmill and actually came in under points (well one to spare, that is). So, back on track.

I did my "official" WI this morning. I've decided to do them at home for the foreseeable future. I mean, why am I paying for these meetings, anyway? I don't stay for them, and they don't really keep me accountable since I don't go if I've been bad. I'm much more likely to "face the music" each week, even the bad ones, if I can do it in the privacy of my own bathroom. So, that's the plan. Thursday mornings will still be official WI days. They'll just be at home.

This weekend is going to be a little tough. I've got my best friend from college coming in. The good news is that she's not a bad food pusher anymore (we used to be horrible for each other) because she's acquired a disease (Celiac) that prevents her from eating anything with wheat in it. So she's very limited in what she can eat. We do have plans to watch a bunch of football this weekend, and celebrate new years, of course next Monday. Hopefully I can stick to the treadmill and minimize the threat.

I don't have much else going on. I'm not working this week. Not by choice. I don't have any work to do. That's the problem with having just started, I'm only on 2 cases so far, and they're quiet right now. I went in yesterday and saw no attorneys working on my floor. So, I couldn't even ask for more. It sucks for my billable hours, but I'm going to enjoy my week off. Hopefully I'll be able to pick up some more cases after the new year.

2 1/2 Year Anniversary?

2007-12-14T11:16:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 222.2/At Home WI: ????

FRIDAY

So I couldn't do it. I couldn't get on the scale this morning and see it creep up again. I've had a horrible week WW-wise and have been letting the scale creep way to rapidly. I keep doing really well reigning it in during the day and then I get home and kill it. Last night it was 5 beers and sun chips while playing wii with erik after a very mediocre dinner at his Kiwanis club holiday party. Boo. So not necessary to drink 5 beers while playing wii on a Thursday night. The only good news is that I actually had to "move" to play the wii. With the exception of guitar hero which I played for about an hour sitting down (darn devil on medium - can't beat him!) I have to actually stand and move to play all the other games. Erik and I did a lot of bowling, which I totally stomped him at. Not exactly aerobic exercise, but at least it's movement.

On a relationship note, last Sunday was our "two and a half year" anniversary. Odd anniversary to consider, but it actually had significance. In June, at our "two year" anniversary, I expressed my desire to Erik to be engaged in the next six months. I felt like we'd been together a long while and it was time. He has repeatedly expressed to me his desire to marry me, but he has financial issues right now that have been holding him back. Namely - he owns two houses he cannot sell and cannot afford to keep anymore. The first one we live in, and the other was built as a "flip" but hasn't "flipped" So now he's stuck with two expensive houses in a down market. After many months of debate and discussion, he finally agreed with my recommendation to just file bankruptcy and be done with it. He, like most men, have a lot of pride, and really wanted to find a way out. But after 18 months of having the houses on the market a borrowing more to make the payments, he's in over the point where there's any likelihood of getting out. Plus he's got some significant other debt from a failed business he had with his last wife. Over all, bankruptcy is a great solution. He gets to wipe it all clean, start fresh, and build a good life. He makes good money, and between the two of us, we'd be able to really save a lot if he didn't have all these debt obligations.

So anyway, all talks of marriage have been along the lines of "when I sell these houses". Well, we've finally determined he is not going to sell them. There just isn't that strong a market for 300K+ houses right now. So he's going to give them back. He's hired a lawyer, and he's set to file this month (at least that's the plan...hopefully it will happen). So, understandably, he's not bought me a ring yet, and last Sunday was the informal deadline I'd given him. About 6 weeks ago, when we met with the lawyer and made out the plan, in my mind I'd given him something of a furlough. I knew he wouldn't be able to afford a ring during the pending bankruptcy so I basically decided to give him another 6 months. It's all for the best, and I certainly didn't want to marry into all those financial issues anyway. So, I kinda forgot about Dec. 9th and a significant day.

So when he surprised me Sunday night with flowers and jewelry, he made me very happy. Erik is SOOOOOO not a romantic, emotional type guy. Probably one of the only major issues I have with him. He has a REALLY hard time expressing himself. But he did really well and basically totally surprised me. We had been playing wii and hanging out and I had just gotten ready for bed when he went down to the car and got the flowers and jewelry box. He told me that he really wants to marry me and when he can get the money he hopes buy me a an engagement ring I deserve. He gave me a very cute bracelet with dolphins and a ring with dolphins. On a sad note - my finger was too fat for the ring - surprise surprise. It's sad how weight even effects these special moments. He promised to get it sized and I hope he does. (he's a bit forgetful at times).

So anyway, I'm not engaged. I hope to be soon, but don't really see it happening till February at the earliest, probably April or May. But that's ok. As long as I know he's committed to me, there's no rush to get married since I'm not ready for kids yet.

So today I'm trying, once again, to reign in the eating. I've already eaten the lunch I brought, which is never a good sign. But I have 11 points left for the day. I also plan to hit the treadmill tonight. I haven't been on it since Monday - very bad with no excuse. No real plans for tonight. I'm probably going to be tempted to go out, but I should stay home. We'll see. This weekend it looks like I'll be stuck at work, at least one day, so that kinda sucks, but I'll deal.

Today my car is at the dealer getting its 30,000 mile service. I bought my dream car in February 2006 - a Lexus IS 250. But man is service expensive. This one's going to be close to $500 since it's a "big" one, whatever that means.

That's about it.

14+ Billable Hours in One Day

2007-12-12T10:51:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 222.2/At Home WI: 222.8 (yep, that's right)

Wednesday

Well, yesterday was hell. I got up and went to work as usual. I'm working on a big case that has several co-defendants with their own attorneys, so we have what's called a "joint defense team". Oh and we're sprawled all across the country. So, we have a big filing due on Tuesday and all the associates from the various firms are here this week to finalize this document. All was fine yesterday morning, but by the end of the day things got a bit snippy. This morning? Even worse. The words "I'm not trying to pick a fight with you but..." have been uttered. Me? I've sort of came onto this case late, so I'm mostly just assisting with this project so have been sitting quietly during the bickering and letting our other associate handle it. Amusing. So the painful part came when I had to be here till after 11:00 last night finalizing this document and escorting it to secretarial support to do some formatting changes. Let me rephrase. I stayed to finalize that "draft" as it stood yesterday. This is a three day meeting with more changes expected today.

Anway, being at the office for 14 + hours is not conducive to good eating. I did slip out about 7:00 to grab dinner at a local sushi restaurant. Normally a good choice, but of course I ordered way more than I needed and topped it off with a bag of m&m's at the office at 9:00 pm. No exercise, needless to say, and I was back in the office thie morning by 9:00. Definitely getting my billable hours in this week.

So, this morning's weight sucks. I was doing well this week and then the unexpected threw me off. That's not really a good excuse. I need to learn to adapt. But I'm just not good at that.

So today, I have vowed to get out of here at a reasonable time. I have a meeting tomorrow morning at 9:00 and have got to get some sleep tonight. Erik has talked to doing something tonight since he hasn't seen much of me this week, but we'll see. I need sleep.

I do plan to try (again) to hit the treadmill tonight, even if only for a mile and a half or so. God knows I need the exercise...

Why are some days so much tougher than others?

2007-12-11T08:57:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 222.2/At Home WI: 220.8

Tuesday

Yesterday, I couldn't stop eating. Couldn't stop. I was "hungry" all day. Though I'm sure it wasn't true hunger but craving issues. I did count every last damned point, which put me way over for the week. And I did get on the treadmill when I finally got home last night at 8:30 pm and did 1.5 miles. Not a marathon, but every bit helps these days. And I did go to bed without eating anymore, but boy did I do it up all day. Lots of little snacks. And (only!) one glass of wine at the holiday party. Sheesh.

Well, a new day, as they say. I did better for lunch. I didn't do my normal chick-fil-a drive through so I think it'll sustain me longer. Plus I have a huge meeting all day today that I'm about to leave for. We'll break for lunch, but hopefully this will keep me from grazing all day.

Other than that, not much to report. I'm still hoping for a loss this week. And I plan to hit the treadmill again tonight. But that's about it. Working this day to day I guess..

Good weekend, considering.

2007-12-10T08:35:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 222.2/At Home WI: 220.0

Monday

Well, I 'almost' fulfilled my plan to be totally OP all weekend. I'm so far in the negative by 1 pt for flex points this week. It was 3, but I'm offsetting it by the 2 APs I earned and didn't eat yesterday.

Friday I went out to Y-knots (bar) with Erik for the first time in a long time. I offered to drive so I wouldn't drink as much. I had wings which sounds bad, but considering some of the options, 10 wings with veggies is better than a burger & fries, deep fried chicken fingers, or some of the other normal options there. I also drank some, but not to excess. Meaning I could count my points at the end of the night - not guess.

Saturday Erik and I planned an impromptu wii party. Last week I totally splurged and bought a Nintendo wii after trying one at my brother's house over thanksgiving. I love it and we had 6 friends over on Saturday to play some of the games. This actually turned out to be a good thing because for some of these games? Boy there's a work out. Particularly boxing, but even the bowling, baseball and tennis really work some muscles. I know because I am SOOOO sore today. Funny but I'm sore from playing video games. We played for about 6 hours, trading off so everyone could play. I decided to count it as 1 hour at moderate activity (we were definitely sweating at certain points) for 4 APs. Now that's a fun way to earn APs I tell you. :-)

Sunday I did finally get on the treadmill after putting in about 4 hours at work. I only did a mile, but it's a start. Tonight I plan to do another mile or maybe a little more. Problem is, I have a holiday party (one of like 6) tonight that I'm dragging Erik to. I'm going to try to just drink non-alcoholic drinks because I definitely won't feel like running after a couple glasses of wine. We'll see though.

All in all, I'm very pleased with my weekend WW-wise. I saw 219.4 yesterday so I'm not sure why I'm at 220 this morning. Maybe some of those sore muscles are retaining water. Who knows, but I like the feeling. I'm hoping to see a good 2+ lb loss this week!

Oh and on sweet news? Erik surprised me last night with roses and jewelry. It was our 2 1/2 year anniversary. It's not a proposal, but I know he's working up to that. It was actually very sweet. He's kinda shy on the romantic stuff and he totally had to drink like 3 beers to get out the sweet speech he planned. I didn't mind. :-)

Look Pregnant?

2007-12-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

Ok, so we all need motivation. Here's mine. I went to my best friend's wedding last weekend, and just got to see some pictures. Here's the worst of them. I totally look pregnant! What the heck? Holly & Dana (wedding couple) & Erik (boyfriend) look fabulous. I look HUGE. Grrr.

Here's another one to show I don't always look pregnant...

A little better. But still definitely the "biggest" girl. So -- here's my motiviation. I'm READY.

Day 2. Ok start

2007-12-07T08:31:00.000-05:00

Last WI: 222.2/At Home WI: 222.0 (??)

Friday

Well day two of my "recommitment" is going ok. Last night I didn't leave work till almost 8:00 so I totally slacked when I got home and had no motivation to jump on the treadmill like planned. Shocker. So I decided to catch up on the last episode of Hero's that I'd recorded, and munch on some popcorn and (fat free) chips. Not a horrible binge considering, but it was 10 points more than I needed. Instead of earning points through the treadmill, I ate them. Ahhh. baby steps. It was much better than my old Thursday night ritual of getting bombed since it was the night after WI and I had 7 whole days to make up for it. So, I ended up using 9 of my weekly "flex points". Not horrible, but certainly not necessary.

But now, a new day. I'm not sure what the plan is tonight. With my new work load, Erik and I haven't been going out much so he'll probably want to go out tonight. I guess I'm ok with that, but it does make for hard decisions WW-wise. I'm going to have to think through a plan today at work. Maybe I'll try to leave early enough to hit the treadmill before going out then I won't feel as guilty having a couple beers.

So Erik is taking my kitty to the vet this morning. In July I got a new kitten and now it's time for her to get spayed. Why am I stressed? I'm not so much worried about the vet, or even how Sapphire will handle it. I'm stressed because I'm not the one dropping her off. The vet doesn't open till 8:00 and it's about 20 minutes away from our house - in the wrong directly for me to go to work. So to take her myself I wouldn't have made it in to work until probably 9:30 or later. Not acceptable. All Erik has to do is take her there and drop her off. Why am I stressed? Makes no sense. I pick her up tomorrow, and I'm sure it'll be fine, but I just hate not being in control I guess.

Anyway - I have to do well today. I'm still planning on being a good little WW this week. I'm definitely going to end up eating all my flex points (as last night proved) but I'm going to try to limit it to that and any APs I earn. See what a good OP week will do for me...